The onion butt and the bunion twat

Wednesday, 10 March, Year 13 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

What a title, huh!

Anyway, we spent a pleasant evening walking about the quarantruins occupying a space previously occupied by a subhuman attempt at making a town out of locally sourced inadequaria, cute if inept as it meaninglessly found itself at some point. I suppose it's "better" after a fashion to cvasi-ruin a never-quite-was town than to truly ruin a genuine city ; or for the same money it's "worse". For "better" or "worse", the same damn thing in any case.

Towards the end of it I decided to throw a little business the way of some threadbare attempt at turning a bubble of urban blight into a cafe. A few months ago, when I first did this, it was completely, stone cold empty ; but as it happens whenever I decide to bless with harem ass the seating anywhere, business picked up for seeing us there, and while not making enough to grow fat I suppose they must've been making enough to not outright starve. It's something, the sort of something you'll soon enough find no way of escaping anymore.

This time some obnoxious fuckwad very much in the Argentine fashion kept importantly parading his jeans-and-only-jacket arrangement back and forth with that Pantalonesque air of entirely insubstantial yet somehow belicose self-infatuation that so markedly caracterises the contempocuck. It irritated me enough to yell at him "Get the fuck lost, loser. What the fuck are you even doing here ?", which he obviously "did not hear" (because, if you've been following along the contemporary narrative fictions, he has to agree it happened in order for it to have "really" happened). Nevertheless (and very much not for that reason, ok ?) he moved a few steps further out, plausibly-deniably derping up and down the sidewalk outside rather than the courtyard inside, so really, nobody could accuse etc, to my acidic jeers of "that's right, fold those shoulders in and get the fuck back to your submissive posture".

After that Hannah's omnistare kept him from returning into the danger zone, until I went to the bathroom. After that, the dorky schmuck went over to pester the server/bartender/barrister/whatever, an inefectually overanxious kid of well over 40. You know these losers, their life just about ready to begin at the ripe age their pubic hair's turning gray ? Anyway, he told me I've to wear a mask to go to the bathroom! Fancy the cheek, seriously now. I've yet to wear the dumb things at all, as in ever. I've made doctor visits, I buy shit regularly enough, I am very much using my deep pockets to pressure the varmints : shops that cater to me get $$$, shops that don't get... whatever it is they think they're getting, not like they stay in business long enough to count it anyways.

I gave him the hand gesture, you know the one, "get the fuck outta here". He actually had the impudence to come unbidden to my table, to tell me that "they've had visits" from whatever government clerks. I told him that he's to tell them exactly where to shove it, I ain't about to care what they say. He told me "they can't do that". This kid that doesn't have enough sense to figure out on his own how to stock San Pellegrino, given that the only account worth the mention in his nickle-and-dime shop's inquiring now and again, this kid somehow nevertheless summons the unmitigated audacity to tell me what's what!

The eagerness and ease with which this spurious generation of redditards replicates contemporary US fascism for the ruin of their non-US homes is nothing short of staggering. Imagine that : this peanuts government has exactly nothing it can do to force me to wear a muzzle, under any circumstances. So they go around talking to businesses they also have exactly nothing they can do to. Because, self-obviously, if the stance is "I ain't paid, and I ain't interested, in enforcing whatever random bullshit you came up with, go do it yourself, it's your fucking job anyways", it'd... end there. But no, this moron has to pick it up, as if the government's paying his salary, and do this half-ass cvasi-enforcing whinefest. He's gonna tell me what he thinks he read on facebook the government (of facebook) wants him to do. 'Cause that's why he's on this world. Not to bring his sister over to suck my cock, who knows, maybe I take her in, no, of course not that. He's there to tell me what's new on facebook!

I told him I'm not about to discuss this with him, and if he keeps pestering me I'm simply not going to come back. To which self-obvious if completely unexpected course of events (wow, how could I not wanna play his version of reddit larping ?!?!) he retorted that "He's sorry to hear that" or somesuch and made himself scarce. I, on the other hand, took to throwing the cashew nuts Hannah set out on a plate before me at the Argentine twat's 1990 Italian fashion eyeglasses hairsprayed upon his 1990 Italian fashion hairchunk. He didn't notice, you realise. I finished the plate, and then once the plate was finished I had the woman walk around the table to the motherload, and reload. The peanut landing pad kept "not noticing", until eventually the kid came back, this time to ask me to please stop throwing nuts. I guess it was noticeable enough from the opposite direction.

I smiled sweetly at him and asked for the check, strictly to bring the relationship back in its normal pattern : he's a fucking servant, and very much not some kinda master of ceremonies at the wedding of a future cuck with a future whale. He left to fetch, but three steps in found whatever he misrepresents as his dignity, I guess. He stumbled back, to tell me the order's on the house. Fancy that! What, you think they have the thing open to make a profit offa overpriced cups of coffee ? To hell with all that, the cafe's open to let people know what the government thinks on things and matters! That's its true raison d'etre, everything else is frosting & peanuts. They're not in business, they're just tryna please Mommy is all.

So we stood (me fetching the remainder cashews off the plate) and walked over to the dweeb. I said into his happy smile "Here, have some cashews", threw the load in his face, and walked off, a "Schmuck!" over my shoulder summing up his life better, or in any case closer to actual reality, than any epitaph ever will manage in actual practice.

On the way back to Castle Popescustein we saw the lulziest of scenes : a kid walking a dog. The kid had a muzzle on his kid mug. The dog didn't have a muzzle on its dog snout. The bimbo inquired if the dogs are gonna start walking the redditards anytime soon. I have my doubts, though the reversal's out and out hysterical, what can I tell you.

Anyways, this is how I entertain myself these days. Twenty-some years ago the place'd be firebombed right about now, leaving the schmucks involved to spend the next few weeks walking up and down the street sandwiched within their apologies plaintively spelled out in 20cm font (for fear of being shot) ; but then again twenty-some years ago I cared a lot deeper about the place I found myself in, and cashew nuts are way the fuck cheaper anyways. In fact, cashew nuts are almost cheap enough to match the utter worthlessness of the contemporary schmuck (though the way things are going I might be stuck moving down to actual peanuts soon enough).

Category: Zsilnic
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18 Responses

  1. What I want to know is, who are those 15 employees!?!?

  2. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    2
    Mircea Popescu 
    Wednesday, 10 March 2021

    Roflmao.

    Here's a thought : don't believe what you read on the femstatenet. 100% made-up bullshit guaranteed.

  3. @Anon: I'm sure the identities of the denizens of "Unit AP-MB922" are on a need to know basis. o_O

    @MP: Dus de cajuri actually sounds pretty glamorous....

  4. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    4
    Mircea Popescu 
    Wednesday, 10 March 2021

    Cajudus!

    But yeah that Unit AP-MB922 stuff sounds a lot like a... storage unit, maybe ?

  5. Robert W. Fuller`s avatar
    5
    Robert W. Fuller 
    Wednesday, 10 March 2021

    You realize you sound just like a bully, yes?

  6. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    6
    Mircea Popescu 
    Wednesday, 10 March 2021

    Holy shit, you contemptible carcass still shuffling around ? Miracle of lichdom, even that robinette sleepwalker's born a decade later. UStards really gotta start burying their "reform"-era carcasses still inexplicably perambulating, the stench is becoming unbearable.

    But yes, of course I realise. The problem with these fuckwads is that they've lived out their regrettable surrogate for a life this far without having ever experienced any pushback whatsoever. Fucking poseurs take themselves for normal humans, in part because they're mentally defective, but in (perhaps smaller) part also because they never encountered, during their history so far, any manifest consequence of their inferiority, inadequacy and unadherence to the phenomenology of the species.

    As it happens there's a substantial difference between the town where there's never been a murder and the city where there has, between the rural neighbourhood where there's never been a break-in and the urban neighbourhood where there has, between the old woman who's never been blown down and kicked in the spleen for walking down the street right in the way of the alpha male and as if she's never even heard of such a thing as an alpha male (let alone her implicit and absolute duties of behaviour towards him) and the one who has.

    The very basis for these schmuck's collective lala-landism and utter bullshit is lack of personal experience, generalised, universal and self-perpetuating (through something quite exactly like ignorance). While I'm not about to dedicate my life to correcting their environment for them, it's not like the occasional fistful of peanuts (or cashews as the case may be) set me back all that much. Of course they'll blame the messenger, being mentally defective as they are ; but then again I really don't give a shit how they narrative all over their own experience for themselves. It still dictates who they are.

    Now go citizen-contemptible somewhere else. This ain't 1970s Oberlin, "bully" still stands for the superlative equivalent of "wonderful". As in, bully for me.

  7. Bullying takes place when the bully, having decided to bully, goes looking for someone else they can bully. The bully is the active participant. The victim is passive. The script for bullying is already written or exists in the head of the bully already. The victim is cast in the victim role after that, and because the bully needed someone in that role.

    What happened yesterday was completely different. A derpy boomer attempted to run his dog-and-pony show of a social dominant figure for Master. He was strutting and huffing and honestly he was so full of his own farts it bothered me. Master is by so very far the only dominant figure in any social context I ever experienced he might as well be dealing with ants. Master didn't enjoy the show anymore than I did, but unlike me he ruined it for the guy. Thoroughly, completely, just like Hannah says.

    I have no idea why Master accepted the wrong characterization. It was as much bullying as stepping on a rake is assault. The derp did it to himself, by failing to read his audience first and then by failing to make his exit when he figured out he's in over his head, in spite of being loudly and repeatedly invited to do just that. I never heard of bullying made of "get the hell out of here" and a bully who can't be assed to follow his supposed victim. Really it was just like Master said: some dude read some things in an old fashion magazine, attempted to apply them as best he could, and froze once it didn't pan out for him.

  8. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    8
    Mircea Popescu 
    Wednesday, 10 March 2021

    > I have no idea why Master accepted the wrong characterization.

    I didn't accept anything.

    It's not like the new meaning for the word they've been trying to push recently is any more substantial or important than the new meaning for rape etcetera. Nor is it some sort of useful heuristic, acceptable (or accepted) scientific terminology, anything of the sort. It's just further vomit of the null club, trynna make up words and invent new names for things so they too can tenure in a world which by now's gotten way too inaccessible for random nobodies bereft of anything.

    What, you thought this physicist schmuck spent his years derping in Minsk because he had so much useful and important to contribute to actual Physics ? Or was it rather because he figured Oppenheimer's genuine ethical dilemmas could very well be followed up by a completely hollow careerist, turning the activity (if not the substance) into a career for himself ? (All the while carefully avoiding any notice of how Oppenheimer actually accomplished something, to say nothing of actually relevant, before "having dilemmas". What the fuck is this nobody gonna discover in Physics that'll lead him to existential dilemmas about the importance of preventing natural hierarchy formation among kids for the perpetuation of the socialist regime ? He's as much a physicist as I am, give me a break.)

    If some dork identifies you as a guju-buju, something he came up with and defines as "being otherwise or somewhat in some other way nevertheless", I don't expect you're going to answer whatever nonsense he vomits in your direction with considerate analysis of whether "otherwise or somewhat" applies or doesn't. At least I should hope you're not about to.

  9. I might have to, because of the way labels work.

  10. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    10
    Mircea Popescu 
    Wednesday, 10 March 2021

    Yes, well, that's just part of the greatness that comes with being the world's only Bitcoin-millionaire (along all the other worlds-onlies I am) : I very well fucking don't have to anything, that included.

    And for that matter, the same's just part of the greatness that comes with being my slave : you don't have to either, for that reason.

    Let 'em lie in it.

    Speaking of which : I find the tardpedia reference particularly amusing (if script-appropriate). The fantastic notion that shitstain's informative is not at all unlike the fantastic notion that playing World of Warcraft's instructive. I can readily picture some similar dweeb fancying himself a trauma medicine specialist because he's "the best cleric on his server, heals people in battle all the time", only to be shocked and dismayed when his turning about in place while vocalizing nonsense fails to stop any bleeding.

    I mean... I get it, google's arbitrarily picked some non-commercial site to pump out search traffic into, simply because they had to pick something to try and dilute the atrocious mfa-ing that plagued it from the get-go (and meanwhile all but ate its lunch). The site's therefore part of their ecosystem of nonsense, which in turn means millions of nobodies flow in and "help", "as best they can", resulting in a well heaped pile of piled up "helping", which consequently "would be difficult to reproduce" to the standard of "if you're going to hire people to play-act monkeys, it'd cost a pretty penny to reproduce the jungle". This relative judgement doesn't make monkey excrement and the arrangements of monkey excrement by monkeys intrinsically valuable, though. It just makes it relatively valuable in that impossible context where someone'd want monkey excrement arrangements for some purpose (no, the monkeys themselves don't matter in this discussion, strictly because they're ethically incapable of wanting).

    If anything I suppose it's useful as a practical correlate to the "million monkeys million years & typewriters" butade : if they ever did produce Shakespeare it wouldn't make any difference. Shakespeare's value comes from being 100% Shakespeare, as opposed to 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000001% Shakespeare in a 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999% shit sauce.

  11. Talk about the comments being better than the article!

  12. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    12
    Mircea Popescu 
    Wednesday, 10 March 2021

    Longer, anyhow.

  13. this is the bitcoin energy i'm comfortable with. i'm getting real tired of the reddit slaves.

  14. Whoa, so by way of recent comments referencing some cuntlet we spy the origins of the Mysterious Unit!

    I think this calls for another star for the lapel of the Nonsense Repurposing Plant Trilema runs on the odd minutes of the even hours.

  15. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    15
    Mircea Popescu 
    Friday, 12 March 2021

    O hey, check that shit out! So basically... it's a glorified scrapper. And here we sit tryna take it seriously, as if we didn't know better.

  16. nappy_roots`s avatar
    16
    nappy_roots 
    Thursday, 17 June 2021

    Love this shit....fuck em!

  1. [...] almost-as-interesting yours must therefore be, for having seen this (plausibly, at least, I mean who's to know, rite ?). It's certainly a damn sight better than McCormick-ian tendentious nonsense a la The [...]

  2. [...] up. For one thing I'm way the fuck too lazy, and for the other I've gone from "almost slapping" to throwing cashews over a decade, I mean gimme a break. 19 yo me is quite unimpressed with all the fatty decay. [...]

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