Post Malone

Sunday, 16 December, Year 10 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

The dubious advantagei of enslaving young women is that you end up hearing about things you don't care about. What the fuck is a post malone, anyway ?

Turns out, according to the true authority on all matters nobody with a working brain could possibly care aboutii, that...

In August 2018, he broke Michael Jackson's 34-year-old record for most weeks on Billboard‘s Top R&B and Hip-Hop Albums chart with Stoney reaching its 77th week compared to the 76 weeks that Thriller spent on the chart.[12] Post Malone's second studio album, Beerbongs & Bentleys, was released in 2018, and featured the singles "Rockstar" and "Psycho": both would peak at number one on the Billboard Hot 100, while the album opened at number one on the Billboard 200. It also broke several streaming records and was certified double platinum.[13]

Right ? They found a replacement Michael Jackson, news ever so exactly interesting as "hey, recall that nameless cog down at the plant, the one that once broke ? they put in a new one". It makes ever so much difference I'm bethide myselfth!

But do read on :

According to Post, he chose "Post Malone" as his stage name when he was 14 or 15.[31] The name was rumored to be a reference to the professional basketball player Karl Malone,[32] but Post later explained that while "Post" is his last name, he used a "rap name generator" to get "Malone".[33]

Remember Naggum ?

Just because it is nice to get things for free does not mean it is a good idea to organize anything based on removing the value of those things, but until people _need_ that value, getting stuff for free is _so_ nice that looking to the future is something most people simply will not do, and those who refuse think about will also refuse to listen to those who have.

Now think a moment about what just happened here : a nameless entity with no functioniii that nevertheless aspires to derive a benefitiv out of ye olde fried chicken process through the mechanism of "having a name" (aka branding) has "created" that "name" through a mechanized process he eschews naming!

It wasn't fucking "Moe's Rapper name generator", was it ?

There sat Moe, a decade ago, like so many of you morons still sit outside the holy Republic, "oh, I'd like to help the world" (or, to put it in more honest terminology, "oh, I feel death approaching and I'm retarded, meaning I missed specific age-appropriate developmental goals, how about I fight the passage of time with... um... the power of... imagination!!!"). Because this is a thing -- in your wanting it to be a thing, it then and there becomes a thing, what! Because you have options, because reasons and hallucinations.

Can you picture ole Moe, dirty socks in cornersv sitting dejectedly, "there's nothing of mine anyone wants", only to suddenly jump forward, to arc like electrocuted, his last reserves of inner juices his body was saving for some special occasion put on the burner. Every last drop must be squeezedvi, he, Moe, who was looking to help a world that didn't ask him for his aid FINALLY HAS AN IDEA.

Honestly I think I might've underdone the caps.

So, dig this. You with me ? He's gonna make a rap name generator! Save the future generations work, help them be themselves, yes ? He is doing something to help! With a dedication specific to parasitism, proper of lice and mosquitoes, he's "helping".

And there, a few minutes or hours or weeks or years of feverish activity, his help is done building and ready to start helping! His help that helps the future create names for itself will no doubt provide him with all the benefit there is to derive from this future he too helped build : "a name generator". Because thanks to his miserable waste of time and flesh, joined up and mixed together with so many other Moes and Joes and whatever the fuck (I'm not about to write a jeneratorvii) the concept of "a name generator" might now emerge. You know, like the "concept" of "source : Internet".viii

Basically, I'll call this phenomenon Post Malone. Because what better name to call it by ?! Postmodernism is too long anyway, nor is anything involved in any sense modern at all!

Post Malone. Because you are.

———
  1. Alienation is, of course, the mental state where the world is not meaningful any longer.

    "The human condition" aka the fundamental mismatch between the thinking man's quest for meaning and the strict meaninglessness of the physical world drives infantile responses in immature intellects. Ever heard of "atheistic existentialism", namely the proposition that "meaning-making in a world without '''inherent meaning''' is the purpose of existence" (to distinguish it from Sartre, because it's really not his fault : he's not this fucking dumb, they're just specifically retarded) ? How about Kierkegaard's nonsense, "what fool is this man who, upon hearing fish is what they don't have at the store across the street decides against all faith and good humour to not queue with the rest of the morons ???" How about "absurdism", aka "personal interest generates meaning of a transient and inconsequential sort, which should at the same time satisfy the individual and be recognized as null and void" ? Yeah, you've guessed it, the "philosophy" of chronic masturbators, what, problem ?!

    There's very good reason to have this "mismatch"! As the thinking man ages he collects an ever increasing archive of proof as to his fundamental inadherence to the world (or vice-versa), which drives alienation, which permits a most satisfying eventual death! This is how it's supposed to fucking work! At nine you think the world is sorta an extension of you, at nineteen you feel deeply the cut, but perceive you have a lot to tell it still, "Ii mai dau o sansa", as that genius Romanian put it. Then at ninety you notice you utterly have not only nothing to say to the world but entirely no interest to proffer such even had it existed. Thus Seneca died happy ; and Socrates too.

    What the fuck is the alternative ? Stop fucking "fixing" things, dear sweet Jesus, stop fucking "fixing" things because the sickening display of your hooved mitts "getting a handle on" and "being on top of" discrete crystal lattices gives the Ages heartburn.

    O hey, notticed the difficult alliteration, btw ? Ands did you count the paragraphs ? But is their length harmonic ? []

  2. Check out that sad fate, they set up to build "a democratic encyclopedia" and ended up with the city dump. Who could have predicted ?

    It is like going to a library full of books that took 50 man-years to produce each, inventing a way to cut down the costs to a few man-months per book by copying and randomly improving on other books, and then wondering why nobody thinks your library full of these cheaper books is an inspiration to future authors.

    And who could have predicted that ?!

    to take but one simple example: suppose you thought of the new millennium when you wrote your application back in 1972 — not only wouldn’t you be invited to the party, those who knew you had done it right from the start and who probably laughed at you at the time would positively hate you now, and they sure as hell wouldn’t tell people about you.

    Did he die happy, then ? Why not ? []

  3. Yes, the hidden barb above was that unlike the cog at the plant, which does something, these items don't do anything! Post Malone is less than a nameless cog in an unnamed plant. []
  4. Why do you suppose he "chose" to "be" "a rapper" even though he's white ? What the fuck do you mean, "white" ? If it quacks like a nigger and it chomps the fried chicken like a nigger... []
  5. Because, in his own words, "the more i hustle consulting, the less time i have for making more valuable contributions to the world, like developing new crypto".

    Makes sense, doesn't it ? In your very gut, you feel it, this sense nonsense makes, don't you ? Because totally, such replacement is both possible and accessible. To everyone! You don't have to first be me before you can safely a+++ louis xiii, what. Such a view'd be unfair, not to mention exclusive (and exclusive of the wrongest of people, rite ?)

    The less time nineteen year old has to spend picking up the crusty socks he splattered all over the environment, the more time that self-same nineteen year old can dedicate to producing more crusty socks! What the hell do you mean positive loops are just another name for death, what the hell do you mean human existence, as all life in general, is predicated upon negative feedback loops. HERESIES ONE AND ALL!!!

    There's not even a wikipedia page saying any of this, citation needed, rite ? []

  6. Does this ring any bells ?

    ...Deodată sar în picioare... Zgomot mare în uliță! Merg degrab la fereastră... Cadranul transparent de pe foișorul de foc ațată unul ș-un sfert... Când au trecut trei ceasuri?… Am ațipit, prin urmare?... Ce e în stradă?... Măturătorii orașului... Au prins un câine la mijloc. Știu... Asta e o petrecere populară, la noi; am văzut-o de atâtea ori...

    Câțiva inși se pun la pândă de-o parte și de alta a uliței. Un câine flămând rătăcește căutând dosurile bucătăriilor și unghiurile unde se aruncă gunoaiele. La un semnal, toți se ridică și-l împresoară din toate părțile. O clipă animalul se oprește înghețat; sângele-i dă năvală la inimă, care începe să zvâcnească de coaste... E pierdut!... Părul i se zbârlește pe coamă. Un fior îi fulgeră d-a-lungul prin șira spinării și-i încovrigă coada d-a-ndăratele, până-i înfige vârful în pântece. Ochii turburi caută încotrova un punct de scăpare; dar abia se pune problema în mintea aiurită, și o piatră l-a izbit peste bot, alta la o încheietură, un lemn peste șale și altele plouă... El își iese acum din sine: mașina cea vie dă drumul rezervei de energie - pentru așa moment o păstra -, nici un gând de economie... trebuie cheltuită toată! Opintindu-se din fundul rărunchilor, animalul s-avântă orbește în fața loviturilor... Un răcnet suprem! sparge rândurile vrăjmașilor, le scapă printre picioare și fuge uitându-se drept și numa-nainte, fuge mereu până dă de un loc singuratic. Aci s-așează stins de oboseală, să-și lingă rănile și să se vaiete discret de durere. Somnul se capătă mai ieftin decât hrana și deocamdată i-e mai trebuincios: truditul trup se încolăcește binișor, închide ochii triști și adoarme oftând greu din afund.

    – Toată intervenirea mea acum în favoarea animalului este zadarnică. Degeaba raționez eu de sus de la fereastră, că nu le e permis unor oameni ai autorității să turbere liniștea nopții și somnul contribuabililor. Pot eu striga mult și bine: cine m-aude? Huiduiturile și râsetele acopăr chiar glasul celui mai interesat, chelălăiturile animalului. ÎI mai văd doar cum se zbate sub loviturile măturoaielor, ridicând cu contorsiunile lui un nor gros de praf... Sunt nervos; nu mai pot privi; dar tot ascult... De mirare... câinele nu mai țipă deloc. A fugit!... Urmează râsete... Mă uit iar. Măturătorii stau tolăniți pe trotuar; iar la lumina felinarelor din colțuri se vede în mijlocul stradei victima lungită - e un cățel mic, alb și lățos... Mă culc supărat la loc. Mai am două ceasuri și scap... Bietul dobitoc!... Acu încep vâjiiturile măturoaielor... Dacă ar fi cățelul favorit al vreunei dame, - parcă-am văzut una adineaori la "confiserie" cu un cățel în brațe -, și ea ar fi amica vreunui om influent din localitate, atunci măturătorii...

    Yes, I was kidding about the bells. []

  7. Romanian "jena", as in "jenabil". []
  8. Let's actually explain this obscure, decade old mockery.

    So, some random Romanian-speaking schmuck figured (as most all Romanian speakers figure, for reasons that have to do with defectively equalitarian education during the communist years as well as their own shitty brainbox contents) he's just as good as me.

    Nevertheless, he wasn't, as they universally aren't. So I published the above internal shot of my harem to illustrate for his benefit this difference -- which led him to trying to pass off as his own shit he found on "obscure" chans a few months later. Because wanting to be me makes him me, what! Problem ?

    It's not just Hannah's striped ass a decade ago that's on display there ; it's the urticating fact that I'm one kind of thing and he's another kind of thing that's on display. Going by what gets no airplay and experimental results you can probably predict just how eagerly that urtication was engaged with, and profited by... but then again I am a different kind of thing -- I give the world what it needs whether it wants it or not, as opposed to Moe, who attempts to give it what it wants whether it needs it or not. See ? Is aristocracy for cause more or less insulting than the arbitrary variant ? Why do you think that is ? []

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2 Responses

  1. [...] Mircea Popescu publishes on his blog the result of his wtf is a "Post Malone". [...]

  2. [...] one core truth at the corerstone of all effectual knowledge and all working wisdom, namely that there's nothing personal about the world. That the world as described by words is the same exact thing as the word experienced ; that [...]

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