Do you know what an unicorn is ?

Friday, 16 November, Year 10 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

unicorn-1

So we took bimbo above depicted to this favourite spot of hers / most happening clubi in town : the El Reyii discount shop for hogariii items, wherein she proceeded to whine like the shameless hussy that she is about how her birthay is sorta-coming up and why can't she have a pinata! So I got her a pinata, what.

The price sticker came off readily, so I afixed it to her forehead, and then had the following conversation with the awkwardly smiling kid with the awkwardly cosmetologised beard at the cash register :
"Sabes que es esto, "unicornio", en Ingles ?"
"No ?"
"Significa una chica joven que se queda en una relacion pre-existente, y sirve la pareja en la cama."

He had nothing to say, nor anything to breathe, but fortunately I was there. So I took his pistol, shot the bimbo in the head and we moved on. (No, literally, I held the gun and read her pricetag, what. Almost ten bux, if you're curious, though I usually pay less than two for anal. When I remember to pay anything, that is.)

And then we went to the Japanese gardens.

unicorn-2

I won't mention the bonsai garden or what we did there as I'll spare you the recount of how they have a very nice re-enactment of a traditional japanese house, which entranced me enough I enunciated "Take off your shoes, whores" at the threshold before we went in to enjoy the warm, intimate privacy wooden sliding doors provide. As the adventure ended the magic words "wow, there's a camera" were spoken, because indeed, they had a security cam on a wall nobody had noticed before! Do you think walking barefoot through their small gravel garden with the lines brings bad luck on the slut ?

Instead, I'll just mention in passing how this older couple laying holding hands on the grass as we came in ran into my evidently nude slave and reacted quite differently to it : the older woman was indignant, the older man was sad.

Why be sad ? Beat her every day, she won't turn into an old woman. Not that old woman, at any rate.

unicorn-3

unicorn-4

The item seems to me quite genuine, as authentically Japanese as ever could be had.

unicorn-4b

Whereas that... now that's Costa Rica.

unicorn-5

So this is me in a headshop. Because as we were returning to town I asked if anyone wants to go for a walk. The sluts did, and so I took them for a walk : first, from the parking lot to this specialty chocolate shop across the street, where everyone got to pick a truffle (they're pretty good, yeah) ; then from there back to the parking lot (space enough to park five cars is no impediment to using "lot" is it ?) where I spied in the window opposite their center piece : a Platinum Lookah thing, which I'm depicted holding (while finishing my chocolate truffle). Because I'm fucking buying it, what. To the shocked disbelief of the girly manning the sad counter (I know because there's a certain way they ask where I'm from when I do things they seem to think only Martians ever do), and of everyone else, because I don't even smoke pot.

I do however go into shops to buy their display centerpiece -- even it's generally to clad my captive whores. What's life for, and who's supposed to live it !? If I don't buy the centerpiece who the fuck ever would and where are they hiding ?

Anyway, I quite like the item, as it stands. It sports complicated flows and bubbles and things much reminiscent of my happy childhood days in my Chemistry lab. I did try to also use it : I brewed some excellent teaiv, filled the bong, placed some fine tobacco in the sliderv and some ice in the ice trap then tried to smoke. The problem became readily apparent : yes this is some of the coldest, most filtered and pleasant smoke known to man. Nevertheless, a bong is specifically designed to (and this particular bong is particularly good at) delivering the smoke deep, deep in one's lungs. This happens to be the exact opposite way of how I smoke -- I tend to smoke for the taste.

Consequently, I bought a piece of art. At least it's fucking perfect in every way, something one could not at all say about all the shit the orcs "handicraft". Because this "impulse buy" was the result of me meeting for the first time something that didn't outright suck in a class I was looking to buy something ; and neither here nor in Colombia nor any-the-fuck-where in the New World did these idiots manage to manufacture or otherwise import and offer for sale a waterpipe that wasn't sad, sorry, inept and such an eyesore as I wouldn't keep in my house.vi Which is quite sad, if you think about it, glasswork is a perfect fit for the orcs' technological level on one hand, and it is a space so vast and ample it exceeds wood! Yet there isn't a "glass civilisation" like there was a wood civilisation (multiple, really, I come from one, and it's not Japan's!). Personally, I blame America. It has failed, centrally, eminently and fundamentally.

C'est tout.

———
  1. This is not some kind of cuteness. I am not kidding : this is the one public space with the largest total headcount as well as the largest concentration per square foot of females in the age range, in the mindstet and in [what here passes for] the outfits. You can't go there at any hour of the day and not run into at least a grosse of the local cowsies working their hardest to be picked up, flat out and earnestly. Plus another grosse of cowsies with their prey in tow, gleefully showing off [what in their mind passes for] their easy, blessed circumstances (through the obvious and direct avenue of his buying shit por el hogar) while carefully keeping an eye out / eagerily signalling how readily they'd keel over to the better offer.

    This place is the only place here I've ever seen the local civillians wear the sort of cleavage my girls wear.

    And this place also is the true testament of the sheer bovine imbecility of the local, because no guys have yet figured it out! I see it and I don't care ; they crowd in sausage fest bars and don't get what's going on. Such is life among the orcs! []

  2. Eminently not to be confused with Del Rey, specifically because they are exactly the same thing : herds of ~0 sexual market value females acting like someone's gonna come any minute now and "recognize" their imagined importance in the form of tangible plates of chicharron and whatever other goodies. []
  3. Latinos have a bizarre fetish with white goods and other dependopopotamus paraphenalia, in that they treat them literally like sacrifices to the gods. A "man" (after the fashion these local useless faggots aspire to manhood) not merely expects but is culturally-consensfully entitled to expect good things (tm) because instead of spending his dime on drinks he spent it on some cheap chinese plasticrap "por el hogar". He gave at the office! Is a goodboi! []
  4. Sencha Tea Co. "Palacio Royal" if you're curious. []
  5. Al Fakeer, quality product of U.A.E if you must. []
  6. Which is a very high standard indeed, observe my coffee table :

    unicorn-6

    (No, the shot wasn't engineered. Simply came home one day and had what drunks refer to as "a moment of clarity". Yes, those are cans of playdo. What mo' ?) []

Category: La pas prin lume
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5 Responses

  1. Glasswork would be a great fit with the level of development here. Montevideo feels like a college town stuck in the country, and effect amplified by the local habit of spreading the University's different facultads all over. And what does any respectable univeristy have?

    A glass workshop.

    The big centerpieces in the growshops down here (because that's what headshops turn into when you tell the kids its legal) are heated presses that generate a couple tons of force to extract resin out of fresh or dry flowers.

    As a consequence not every shop here will have a artful centerpiece like yours, and the shop with one is more likely to be a high traffic liqour kiosk with some pot paraphenelia than a pot paraphenelia specialist. Meanwhile the pot afficianado shops stock smaller more utilitarian and less artful glass water pipes designed to be held with one hand while the other brings a heated "nail" to the resin loaded in the pipe.

    But "progress", Industria China, and KKKalifornia won't stop their onslaught against art and the very idea of centerpieces.

  2. Dildos, is that lube? What is the perspective-bending item on the well worn couch? Are those Uno cards? And worn socks on the side there....

  1. [...] let's leave these "lofty"ii topics where they sit, on dusty shelves among dust, and instead let's go with me to buy a bong. So there we are, me holding the centerpiece in hand, when we suddenly diverge -- because I know [...]

  2. [...] seem more accessible, because it's not as if you'd come in the main door, nod to the clerk and ask for the item in the window, try it on and pay for it. It'd be so earthling-like, so fucking boring for [...]

  3. [...] with the sales floor centerpiece capable bongs were few. Small dab rigs4 dominated clustered around rosin presses used to discard the plant matter [...]

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