Gai-Luron

Monday, 22 September, Year 6 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

One. As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a cool kid.i

Two. Other than being all metrosexual in cheap shirts and bad shoes, and not getting laid, and smartphoning on the bikeii, cool kids do comics! Especially vintage comics!

Three. The only thing cooler than a foreign accent is a foreign language, and you can't go wrong with French.

Four. An anonymousiii derp that dun like me any closed his blog down. Fermeture provisoire pour cause de fermeture définitive, he says. From what I hear his liver's about to give, so here we go :

One-two-three-four, watch me be a cool kid doing vintage comics in French at the early wake of some guy that didn't like me, to balance out that time I did it at the early wake of some guy I didn't like, who then proceeded to die within the week (and the local press forgot to mention who had it first, and yet still wonders why it died).iv

Ready ?

gailuron1_22062004

Gai Luron was born as a support character in a dumb series about a boy, a girl and their... cat, which was more like a fox really. Roughly copied off Tex Avery's Droopy, it readily matured into a thing quite of itself in the hands of Marcel Gotlib, and soon enough had his own show (with a little supporting rat that usually gets in trouble in an unrelated storyline in the same panels). He was good for a few years in the 70s and then went to shit once executive meddling expanded him from the very narrow space of his excellence into the flat, oomphless desert of mainstream tastes, mores and expectations.

Here's the one where he explains how come he can talk, walk and so forth :

gai-luron

Translation :

Hm.. eh... do you want... uh... something ?
Why is your nose all black ?
The nose all black ? Uh. That's not a nose, that's a truffle.v
A truffle ? What's a truffle ?
A truffle ? Well... it's the nose of a dog.
And so then why do you have the nose of a dog ?
Why do I have the nose of a dog ? Eh, because I'm a dog.
So then why do you read the newspaper then ? A dog doesn't read the newspaper.
A dog doesn't read the newspaper because he hasn't learned how to. I have learned, and therefore I read.
O yea ?

But if you're a dog, how come you speak ?
Listen derpy, you speak because you've learned how to speak, right ? Well so then, I've learned how to speak, so I speak.
But my mommy told me that a dog goes "ham!" and bites children!
Your mother was wrong to say that, is all. Later, little one.
And besides my mother also told me that a dog walks on all four, doggy style!
So if you're a dog, why do you walk on two paws then ?
Because I've learned how to is all. Do you walk on all fours yourself ? No ? So then!
Okay, but even so... I mean you can talk, read the newspaper and walk properly, but you're not like us.
No I'm not like you and...
Mimi!
Are you going to come here right now!
There you go. Off to your mommy.
I've told you a thousand times not to speak to strangers! Daughter!
Yes mother!

So there we go! Here's a parting shot :

gai-luron-2

I tell you, I had it much better than current kids.

———
  1. Yes, bonus points if you got the reference, read the sarcasm, well done, you're the exact opposite social figure to the square, practically oozing cosmopolitan savoir faire. []
  2. Remember a time when bike meant something like in Grease, not something like in junior high ? A well, those times are well gone, I was violently reminded today, visiting the riverside here and watching the people doing quite exactly one of those 70s dance things. []
  3. He affects it's by choice, but really, it's by nature. Not everyone's made to be worth wasting an actual name on. []
  4. No, I'm not kidding. I said it's time for Adrian Paunescu to die October 30th, he died November 5th. Nifty, huh. []
  5. You know that's what you call a dog's truffle, do you ? []
Category: Lifespiel
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