This article has a mother and a father. The father came first :
Me So whatcher up to!
Her Leveling a bit. How about you?
Me I'm having an argument with my feet.
Her Oh no why feet?
Me Which'd like to be suckled on.i
Me Anyway, wanna come by and have a chat with my feet ? :D
fluffypony: I used to think that love was like the rush and swell of meeting someone knew
So as a result of their copulation in my head (of which the chan is an extension), I will now regale you with a list!
List of household items that work well for beating your girl(s).iii
- The rigid tube part of the vacuum cleaner. It can deliver a slight tickle, it can deliver some very pretty bruises that can easily last the week. It's just the right length and its weightlessness gives you all the control in the matter.
- Electric cables. Especially if you have a thick round cabled extension cord. For even better effect, this can be braided. In honesty, I've never used this thing to the full extent of its ability on anyone, and I don't think I ever will. Unless I start dating a hippo or something.
- Your belt. Oldie but very goldie. Also, her belt, especially if she has one of those belts with a multitude of metal rings all over its length. As she god damned well should.
- A cast iron pan. This is really just the superlative of the tired old wooden frame brush. Which, unlike the pan, doesn't really do much at all, unless your girl is about 12. In which case... what is this!
- Rope. And string of any sort, provided it's long enough. If it's too thin, she can braid it. If it's still too thin, she can braid the braid. Eventually it will be thick enough. For best results it should be soaked first. If she's particularly rambunctious, soak in either very salty water or vinegar. Don't be a jerk : use good Modena balsamic.
- Coat hangers. The thin metal wire ones might be too cruel - remember, a good beating does not draw blood though the skin, the point is ecchymosis not open bleeds. Nice plastic ones however... oh what delight.
- The shower hose. In most arrangements you can unscrew this from the wall and from the head. Can be used either filled with water or empty for great effect.
- Rolled up newspaper. It doesn't hurt in any sense, but if you're skilled with it you can make a lot of noise. Caning is not all about the pain, you know ?
- An (empty?) wine bottle. Works on the same exact principle as the cast iron pan, but it's round rather than flat which changes things. Just ask her!
- An old HDD. Definitely worth a try. You hold the thing flat in your palm and splat her butt. It's sort-of like assisted hand spanking, except the drive's weight and mechanical resistence protecting you ensures your hand doesn't tire before her skin warms up.
Ten should be enough. And remember : pussy whipped doesn't have to be about you. It can be about her!———