Friday September the 17th. Doll gave me my pill and I made fish-egg breakfast today all by myself! It's easy to do, you cut up celery sticks and cocktail shrimps and make over-easy eggs runny and put them on top with basel. Doll said it was delicious! But she said shrimp aren't really fish and besides there's an actual fish egg thing people eat but I said WHATEVER! Then she asked me if we really just went at it all day yesterday and I said kinda... but really yeah, we did, my little bud is so sore. Then she asked me, but isn't it sore ? And I had to say yeah it is, like you wouldn't believe. She told me after I shower to put calendula cream on it from the shelf and yeah it's kinda soothing but it was still sore.
Then after I got out I asked her what she did yesterday and she said she was just hanging by the pool, trying to read but thinking of us and being jealous. I told her she should have just come in herself! I told her I don't want to hurt her and she said I should make up my mind, last week I wanted to beat the shit out of her, now I don't want to hurt her... I told her it's all very confusing and she told me she likes it when I hurt her and besides it's only fair this way, she has Dad all for herself and I should have something all for myself too. But I told her I don't want Chris and Key just for myself, I want to share them with her. She said "but shouldn't we ask them too ?" and I said hell no, they're my slave bitches and they do whatever I tell them to! and she looked at me like I won the lottery. She told me the best thing is to kiss it, not rub it with your fingers. That way it comes in slower and it's better, and also doesn't get so sore the next day. She said the fingers are ok if you're just by yourself, but since we all have friends we should just kiss it and sorta suck on it a little and lick it all around. Honestly that's a fabulous idea, I couldn't wait to try it out. I don't know why it didn't come to me earlier, kissing it!
I told Doll she's the smartest, and I told her I just want to kiss her! and she understood what I meant because as she was sitting on the high stool her knees were kinda straight and her legs wide open so it showed. She said she wants to tell me a story first, and she told me that many years ago a man discovered metaphysics, and she said it's like a big dark pit where people are chained in the dark, like in a subway tunnel and they can't get out. No matter what they do. Isn't that terrible ? So sounds and lights come through, like maybe one day there's a shootout or a carnival or who knows what, and they can sorta-kinda hear maybe or see something in the distance, but it's more like shadows on the wall than the real thing. So they get their own ideas about what's what, but they're not really right, and if they could somehow get out and look at the world as it is they'd know that many of the things they thought were wrong ; but if you just take them out of there suddenly they couldn't see anything and maybe even go blind because the light would be too much for them for being so long chained in the dark hole. She said that is metaphysics, that there are maybe things beyond what anyone can touch or feel or see, and those ideal things manifest themselves in the things that can be seen or felt like a shape in playdo, or the images in the TV because she said a little kid that sees some great piles of gold and jewels in a cartoon might try to break the TV to find the jewels and things inside, but they're not there, they come from far away where the studio is. And she said people are like that too, because they have a body, but also they have a soul, but if you cut the body up you don't find the soul inside but still, if you watch the person you can see it by its shadows and traces and even with a mask on or maybe after many years you can still recognize someone by who they are. And she said when you love someone for real you love them for their soul, not for their body, like not just because it feels good when they kiss you there or because they do, but also and especially for who they are and I said like I love you Doll! and she said yes, like you love me and like I love you. It's called Platonic love, because of the man's name, his street name was Flats but in that language flat is playdo so it's called that. And she said the soul and the body don't always match, which is why people die, and it's sad when it happens, but it does happen all the time, sometimes it's hard to get the shadows to look anything like the real thing, and sometimes it's impossible. So she said Babydoll, I know you want to kiss me right there more than anything, and you believe me when I tell you true that I would like nothing more in the world than kissing you back. But you will never do it, and I will never do it, because there is no way to do it right. It would just mess up our lives and everyone else's that we care about, it will hurt your Dad very bad, not in the good way that we like but in the horrible way like we hurt your mother when we took you away. Desire is the greatest gift, but if we let it carry everything away it will just suck our souls down into the ground and we will not have souls anymore at all.
I thought about what she said for a long time and I am still thinking about it, and I think that maybe she's right, but if she's right how do you know what's what ? Or what you should do ? Maybe you should do everything all the time so on the way to school I called Mom and I said Hi Mom! and she was crying but I told her I love her very much and we will see each other again. Because we will. And Doll reached out and patted my hair down on my back.
Then at school Key asked me what's wrong and Chris was very sad because she thought her kitty will fall off. It was huge for her, swollen and very red and tender and she thought maybe it's punishment from Jesus. Kay wasn't really as bad as me, she said it's because we don't do it enough and have no practice with it at all like a buncha rookies. I told them that I have calendula cream at home which we must put on it and also asked them if they want to come over for the weekend. At first Chris didn't want to and Key was kinda maybe about it, but then I told them what Doll told me about kissing it, and then after 3rd period they were all excited and once school finished they were just lined up like where's Doll. She showed up soon and I asked if it would be okay if the girls spend the weekend at our place and she made up a pool party and talked to the parents and then we went by Chris' places on the way home so Doll met her mom and dad and so Chris could pack her bathing suit and drop her bookbags and things. We kinda giggled about it because what was she going to do with a bathingsuit at my place, but Doll knows best how to handle these things so we just go with her lead.
Then we just hung by the pool and watched cartoons and played games and discussed their naked names but it's really hard to find something really cool, so they kept changing their mind. We kissed Key a little too and they kissed me, but it's really not so good, I don't know how to make it happen with just kissing. Chris was too sore to even kiss, but she said she kinda likes it like that, somehow. Also we kept making sandwiches and juice cocktails out of the kinds of juices and floats with ice-cream too. Then Chris and Key were playing Mario and I sat down to write today because it's really complicated with what Doll told me all and I had to ask her many times to tell me portions of it again but I think I got it right ok. Then we went to sleep all in my bed, it was kinda tight but I loved being with my baes. They get so warm, Chris especially.
Saturday September the 18th. I made everyone breakfast and explained the eggs and things to them, but Chris said Hitler was a very bad guy who made people go naked into chalk powder until they died. Maybe it's not the same guy, I don't know. Also Key said feminism is when you're a whore but you ain't got no pimp. She says a whore is a girl who walks around the highway or downtown at night looking for guys to pay her to have sex with her, and she said a pimp is a guy who takes the whores' money. Chris asked why would she give it to him if she had to have sex for it and Key said because she loves him, which really made perfect sense. I asked Key if she's gonna be a whore when she grows up and she said prolly, but Chris said she's going to be a librarian. Then she asked me if I was gonna be a whore when I grow up and I said hell no, I said I'm gonna be a pimp. Doll started laughing and then the girls laughed from her but I was fo real, fuck that feminism and whores without the pimp.
Then we did our toenails and then the biggest thing happened! Key figured out how to make me have it with kissing it and her tongue! It was fabulous, just like Doll said, even better than with the fingers. Then she explained to us how she did it, and I tried to do it to her while she did it to Chris, but I didn't manage. But she made Chris have it and Chris said it was the best ever which I'm sure she's telling true. Then Key explained to me again and I tried again on Chris this time and I made her too! And then I tried Key for a while but it was just not working but Chris kept begging us to do her again and Key was on her back so Chris just climbed on top of her and sat on her face like, and Key was struggling because she couldn't breathe I think and then she had it big time! So then Chris tried her and she couldn't make her have it but then I sat on her face and bam! Key has it when she can't breathe somehow. Doll told me when I told her that many girls are like that, especially the sluttier ones. Then we kept doing it and doing it to each other and eventually we just kinda fell asleep together.
Then I woke up and it's like 2 in the morning! So I took my journal quietly to the kitchen and it is here I am now writing all this but I forgot most of it. But anyway when I was talking to Doll she asked me if Key is kinda poor and I said I think so and she said maybe we should take the girls shopping tomorrow before taking them home and buy her some nice things ? And I said definitely, but we also should buy some nice things for Chris too because her parents are very strict and keep obsessing about Jesus. I wish I could write up tomorrow now, because that way I won't forget anything, but unfortunately it hasn't happened yet. I'll go to bed. When I got there Chris was up and we hugged and went to sleep together.
Sunday September the 19th. When we woke up Chris was hugging Key and I was curled by their feet. I don't know how that happened but we kissed good-morning and we had breakfast by the pool which Doll made and then we just swam and kissed each other for a while until I said hey Doll, check out these two whores. I am their pimp and they are real good kissers, so which one do you want to make you have it ? Chris got real shy and blushing and covered her face with her hands but Key pushed her chest out and she was like "bring it". Doll giggled and said "please don't make me choose Babydoll" and I said girls, you have to kiss Doll out of respect. She's the greatest whore ever. And Doll blushed just like Chris and covered her face in her hands, so weird. But Key went up to her and kneeled in front of her between her legs and kissed her until she had it, and then I took Chris over by the hand and Key kissed her mouth and then Doll again and then Chris again and then Chris little by little got closer and closer and eventually ate the hell out of Doll while Kay was standing by her kissing her mouth and feeling up her breast. Doll has fucking great boobs, everyone wishes they had theirs like hers. Doll thanked me very much when she came through but Chris wouldn't stop and Kay just held her and pinched and kissed her until poor Doll was nearly passed out and I said enough let her be! So Chris and Kay came over to me and Doll just lay there quivering and then she asked what does she owe me and I said how about we go shopping and the girls were like yay! and so we packed and we went to the mall.
We bought a lot of things, like two cool pairs of jeans for Keysha and the coolest sneakers ever for her too and also a bathing suit Doll said just in case but it looked fabulous on her because she is tall and very athletic and this bathing suit had patterns on the side accentuating her figure and she looked just like from a magazine in it. And also we bought earrings and a lot of nail polish in many colors and we bought Chris a tiara like for a princess and cool belts and lady gloves and a Super Woman costume for Chris. She looks just like SuperWoman in it, too! Then we stopped for icecream and while we were waiting for the order the biggest thing happened! A very pretty lady went by the window, and Doll said just a minute girls and went out and after her. They talked for a bit while we ate our icecream and then they came together to our table and Doll said girls, this is Sylvia. Sylvia is very pretty, she is even taller than Doll and she looks just like a girl I saw on the cover of a magazine once but I don't remember when. Then Doll said this is Babydoll, my step daughter, and here's Christine and Keysha, they're best friends. Then we talked about things, Sylvia really is a model, she does all sorts of advertising work for many clients like even Victoria's Secret and she was in fashion shows lots and lots of times. She was in Paris like eight different times! Key and Chris didn't want to go home anymore, but we had already told their parents, and besides, tomorrow's a school day. So we all piled up in the back of Doll's car while Sylvia sat in front with her, and we dropped them off and then we went home.
Doll took me by the hand and went to the pool and said to me "Here, Babydoll, you sit here and be jealous. I'm going to be with Sylvia." and so here I am, being jealous and writing all my journal in. Really I didn't have so much time for it these past days. I am not really jealous of Sylvia or Doll. I'm sure they're in her room kissing each other and making each other have it, but I don't feel bad about it. I don't feel bad about it at all. It makes me happy. Doll deserves the best of everything, and Sylvia is hella cool and very nice and I like her. I hope she doesn't leave, or if she does that she comes back later. I had the idea of maybe putting bonbons in a heart shape on the table or spelling I LOVE YOU out of something. But then I thought maybe she thinks it's because I'm upset I did that, and I don't want her to think I'm upset and feel bad. So I'm going to kiss her stone in the bathroom and go to bed.
Monday September the 20th. Doll was making us breakfast. Sylvia didn't leave! We sat around the table talking, and she's just great! So I had a great idea and I told Doll to please call me in sick with school so I can stay and talk with them instead. Doll didn't want to do it but I explained to her look, going to school is for education, right ? And for making friends ? But there's nothing that they will say in those five hours at school that's half as interesting or useful as what Sylvia says in ten minutes and I want to make friends with her. Both Doll and Sylvia looked at each other with their mouths open, and then Sylvia asked "does she do this a lot ?" and Doll rolled her eyes hard and said "alllll the time!" which is not really true, well maybe a little bit, but I could tell she was going to pick up the phone and then Dad walked in.
I knew right then it's off, Sylvia just turned to me and said "sorry honey" and that was it, I didn't say anything just "Hi Dad! Bye Dad!", grabbed my bag and was out the door. I heard Doll ask behind me "Hey, don't you need a ride" but I yelled "I'll take the bus" and closed the front door behind me. On the way over to school I thought about how great Doll really is, she got Dad a daughter and that daughter friends and then she got Dad a girlfriend too, all in a coupla weeks. And what a girlfriend! I don't think anyone has a girlfriend as cool as Sylvia or as great as Doll. I hope he pushes himself hard in both of them until they're out of this world. Key and Chris were pumped about the weekend and really curious about Sylvia, and I told them what happened and they were like awww! But I told them it's okay, I'd rather be with my best friends anyways and Key said "Liar!" and I said "Keysha if you don't take that back I'm going to make you go make old Mrs. Eldenmeyer have it like Doll." and she took it back instantly hehe. But then I told her I was only kidding anyways. So I told them I'd love taking them home again but I don't know if it's such a good idea right now and they said yeah and Key said it would be ok if we want to go to her place but she doesn't have her own room, and she doesn't have games either and she can't get a ride so we'd have to take the bus with a change and it's like almost two hours! Chris said her parents really want to have us over to repay the invitation debt, because her parents are weird like that, but she doesn't think we can do anything because her mom keeps busting in and they're just weird. But I said I really can't take anymore right now and also I want to do some homework maybe and read, and Key said "read the story of the sour grapes and the fox sometime" and then they started calling me Fox all day.
Dad picked me up after school, and he asked me how I was doing, and I said great! It's true too, I have an A in Algebra and an A+ in English and French. School just started, I'm stellar. Then I asked him how he's doing, and he looked at me like "are you fucking kidding me" like that's not the sort of thing one can think to say. But he said he's great, and I said I hope you are nice to Doll Daddy, because she's the greatest. He just said "she is, huh". And then he started to say like it was a big load on his mind, "You see, Ashley... I mean Babydoll..." and I cut him off "Please tell me Sylvia is going to stay with us." It cut his air like he was an inflatable mattress he just went hiss and then "Just for a little while. How do you know that ?" and I just gave him a sly look and said "What do you think I'm twelve ?" and he said "Yes, I think I'm twelve." and I said "Well then you're right, I'm twelve."
I couldn't wait to get home. Sure enough there were Doll and Sylvia by the pool. They were both completely naked. Doll is Doll, and Sylvia is just gorgeous, oh my god. So I said "Daddy! Daddy! May I join them ?" Dad was very flustered but Sylvia stood up and came close to him and put her arms around his neck and said "Nudism, baby. Look it up. It's the healthy alternative." Then Doll said "You know, if it gets you bothered you can just take us inside." Then Sylvia cut in "Either one or the both of us. We have a bet going, you know." Dad shook his hand and said "Nuts!" then he told me "Go ahead." and then he told Doll "I've got some business to take care of, I'll be in my office."
I didn't have to hear it twice, I was naked like them in a heartbeat and pulled a chair in between. I asked Sylvia about the bracelet on her ankle and she said it's a sort of a promise. What sort of a promise, I asked her and she said well, it's a promise that if Doll asks me to come with her I will. "But didn't you have the bracelet when you met her ?" I asked her and she said yes so then I asked her how could she know who Doll is before you meet her, and she said you can always know. Doll was just sitting there smiling wide, and I asked her if she's sore too. "Not as sore as you", she said, and they started laughing. Then I got my books and did all the homework worth doing and then I read from this great book, it's called The Golden Bough. Have you read it ? You should read it, it's very good. You also shouldn't be reading my journal, which is private. It's the law!
Then I went to bed, and Doll came to kiss me good night, and she got into bed with me like before and we talked about all kinds of things, and Sylvia and Dad and Chris and Key and school and playdo and I fell asleep in her loving warmth.