S-a furat mireasa

S-a furat mireasaⁱ is probably the most you can ever get out of an advertising studio converted to cinematographic production under financial pressure. They've got synergies and stuff, you realise, and another revenue stream never hurt anyone. Especially not a "media trust" that hasn't made money in the past decade.

The... footage, let's call it, flows exactly like a succession of 200 or so half-minute ads. All the gags are throwaways, the story makes no particular sense but would fit quite comfortably in 140 characters, the lowest common denominator of the intended audience's culture (as best could be discovered through a limited application of the focus group methodology harmoniously braidedⁱⁱ with whatever bits and pieces the "director" still remembers of whichever brand of pseudosociology his college teacher passed for our democracy consensus back in the college days -- those were the days! remember when Maricica left her panties at the bar, collateral for a triple shot of tequilla ??? -- could discover) is brusquely catered to...

In short, it's not a film. More like a twilm. But at least it's bowdlerized, prettified, strained and powerwashed of all "bad" stuff. De unde-a fugit toata durerea si intristarea si suspinarea goes the respective part in the Romanian dyptich of the deadⁱⁱⁱ, there's some vague mention of "poverty" by some pretty blonde that lives in a house larger than Romania's average embassy and that's it. Should be safe, I guess.^iv

Perhaps worth the mention, Jojo^v's very convincing Moldavian accent^vi. She's talented enough, pretty enough, definitely has the right attitude. Pity she wasted herself among those retards.

1. 2012, by Jesus del Cerro. [↩]
2. "Armonios impletita", Romanianism. [↩]
3. Byzantine item, of which I know no English equivalent, so let's indulge :

   Pomeneste, doamne, pe cei ce intru nadejdea invierii si a vietii celei ce va sa vie au adormit, parinti si frati ai nostri si pe toti cei care intru dreapta credinta s-au savirsit, si iarta-le lor toate gresalele pe care cu cuvintul, sau cu lucrul, sau cu gindul le-au savirsit si aseaza-i pe ei, doamne, in locuri luminoase, in locuri cu verdeata, in locuri de odihna, de unde a fugit toata durerea si intristarea si suspinarea si unde cercetarea fetei tale veseleste pe toti sfintii tai cei din veac. Daruieste-le lor si noua imparatia ta si impartasirea bunatatilor tale celor negraite si vesnice, si desfatarea vietii tale celei nesfirsite si fericite. Ca tu esti invierea si odihna adormitilor robilor tai, hristoase, dumnezeul nostru, si tie slava inaltam, impreuna si celui fara de inceput al tau parinte si preasfintului si bunului si de viata facatorului tau duh, acum si pururea si in vecii vecilor. Amin.

   There's a shorter, more modern (and also cheekier) version, of course, but we'll gleefully ignore it.

   Remember, lord, they who in the hope of rebirth and the life that is to come took to sleep, parents and brothers of ours and all those who in the right faith passed away, and forgive them their errors which by word or by thing or by thought they committed, and seat them, lord, in places of light, in places verdant, in places of repose from whence all pain, and sadness and sighs ran away, and where the search of your face makes joyous all the saints of the ages. Give them and us your kingdom and the sharing of your unspoken and eternal goodies, and the enjoyment of the endless and happy life of you. For you are the rebirth and the repose of those sleeping slaves of yours [names get inserted here], christ, our god, so to you praise we raise together with him of no beginning, your parent as well as to your tooholy and good and life maker spirit, now and forever and for all time. Amen.

   Say what you will of the Jews, they're not particularly smart people -- and the Greeks even more so. [↩]

4. It is not. it makes those who accept it as their horizon stupid.

   This, if you're wondering , is how European women became stupid, and stayed stupid twelve or so centuries : Greek habit, of sticking them in a special room and playing nothing but "safe" crap for them there.

   You can make cows out of people. It'd been done to death. [↩]

5. Catalina Grama. [↩]
6. She was born in Bucharest. [↩]