The Pedoepiphany

This article appeared originally as "Epifania cu pedofilia", during the Romanian period of Trilema.

I was reading a fellow made remarkable by his limited worldview. He writes in English, but if you're curious see 1, 2. Otherwise, he's yet another fifty-something, not terribly intelligent, not terribly educated, not entirely stupid - he's caught a little from rough interactions with tough males and that's it, he manages as best he can, dragging with faded eyes and great care the shards of his beingⁱ through the rather dimly lit trails of the future of the poor. So it goes.

On the other hand, I wrote at lengthⁱⁱ about pedophiles, introductions, classifications, considerations, things.

Things that entirely and completely miss the subjectⁱⁱⁱ, as I had the opportunity to epiphanate reading the mentioned individual. So, the common view is that the pedophile is the active party, he who does, the raptor, the child's his victim etcetera. Of course, in literature there's a Nabokov, there's a Miller, there's the occasional bubble putting this consensus in doubt. Certainly, but then isn't this the point of art, to push at the margins of the known world, of representation, of understanding ? Of course in the book it goes as the author says it went, but that's an exception, a fiction, a story.

Well... no. Not really.

Let me explain : I was reading this guy's outpour, and laughing to myself. Because it amuses me, check out what an idiot he is. Then I showed the material to a girl. She got pissed off, fuck him. But she wasn't laughing. She was frowning right and proper, storms brewing in the green seas of her eyes. Kitten, but from a webpage on the internets ?! It's ridiculous! No, it's annoying! The brown eyed one comes to see what's the ruckus ? We're not perchance fucking without her ? No darling, we're not fucking, we're smoki^iv... I mean we're reading. She reads herself. Gets pissed off. But you know, properly pissed off. "What a dumbass." Not amusedly, you know, cracking laughter, as it's normal when perceiving a dumbass. No siree. Furious, her cup frothing.^v Why, ye she-haters ?

And from that starting point I discovered that practically speaking any woman reading that guy's productions gets pissed off and wants to... too... well, let me tell you : wants to bite his dick off.

That's the thing, there's alpha males, whose everything the girls instinctually wish to lick and swallow, and everything smells good. And there's also beta males, which seem tolerable to a great degree, and especially while they're not ovulating they seem almost lovable. And then gamma which almost like betas, and then deltas which in turn, and so on in degrade, worse and worse. Until when ?

Until the zeta male. The zeta male is a nec plus ultram of decay in masculinity, the lowest of the low. When they perceive this one, the girls want to bite his dick off. Why not ? So he can't have kids. Why not ? Because he sucks. He's unworthy and not worth it. An adaptative characteristic, in other words. Natural selection.

How do they identify him ? Not by money, necessarily, but you can't say it's entirely irrelevant. Not by the school he went to, not by the bicep he carries, but you also can't say it entirely doesn't matter. Not by what he says or how he speaks, although to some degree this matters. Not by the tone of his voice, necessarily, maybe not even by scent... it's unknown. They just do, somehow, ancestrally they know him. They have an ability. It wouldn't surprise me to discover that in fact the best test to distinguish females is to check whether the tested individual recognises (but you know, viscerally!) zeta males. Because if so, it's a woman.

And then, my dear chitlins, this is the pedophile : the zeta male. He doesn't prefer children because he'd dislike adult women. Not even close. The problem is that they dislike him, and they dislike him so emphatically they're capable of killing him on the spot, with bare hands, and then deck their nails in his guts, like cats. And the girls that are still green^vi, and therefore not yet women, don't yet possess this magical ability of their gender. So they don't recognize him, and treat the zeta male as if he were a male pure and simple. Which delights him, you might imagine.

Nor is the fact that he drops them when they grow up a little and goes looking for younger ones is necessarily to do with him, or more properly said his choice. It's their choice, the bitchez!^vii As they mature and their senses awaken, the imperatives of the species take to howling in their busom and the poor schmuck, when he feels they're watching him with an assassin's gaze runs away in terror as far as the field will carry. It's a fact that generally the pedophile is more afraid of the victim than she's affraid of him, with the only difference that she doesn't know about all this.

And thus, this is the whole story, and as a bonus : very good right and proper that the state organizedly oppresses the pedos. It's straight up eugenics. Up until now I was living with the impression that it's a sort of statal abuse, but that's out of the question. We have to rid ourselves of zetas somehow. The current methodology is, in the end, just as good as any other.

How you like it ?

1. Fiindul, "the being", is a philosophical category in Romanian, as well as in those other languages with philosophical libraries built in. [↩]
2. The Romanian original is derrogatory. [↩]
3. By the way, this wouldn't even be the first time this happened to me! In public, even!

   LIFE IS SO UNFAIR. [↩]

4. There's this joke in Romanian, in the context of the 80s/90s, when everyone lived in the same 50-100 sqm flats ; condoms were somewhat rare and abstinence-only was actually the societal consensus : some kids gather together in an adolescent's room, and after a while the very concerned mother opens the door
   "What are you doing here ?!"
   "Group sex!"
   "Oh okay, I thought you were smoking."
   The punchline being that the enormity of the admission was so great indeed, it entirely escaped the notice of da polis. Poor woman was looking for much more pedestrian pecadillos.

   Ironically enough, in the more familiar context today, this is no sort of joke - most liberal parents would object more strongly to kids smoking than to kids fucking, even in a group. Not to mention most parents wouldn't even dare bust the door down, it's not like it's their house or anything. They're all gifts from the Great Inca, kid got as much right to be there as they do, and entirely independent of them and as a result of the kid's own relation to that selfsame Great Inca, source of all things...

   But we digress. [↩]

5. It's a cultured reference, to a famous (by which we mean - known by everyone qualified to participate in discussions as a function of their qualification, which is, being an intellectual) poem - Ce-ti doresc eu tie by Mihai Eminescu. The full verse goes "Fiarba vinu-n cupe, spumege pocalul", which roughly would translate as "Let wine boil in the cups, and the gobblets froth". Stylistically the reference works to denote unbridled excess. [↩]
6. Ironically, crude is how you say plural-feminine-unripe in Romanian. Harr harr. [↩]
7. The Romanian word used has very litte to do with the English bitch. It diffusely suggests a predatorial, self interested female - something like Carmen from Carmen. [↩]