Why Dogecoin is a scam, why the people pushing it are assholes, why Business Insider is a contemptible piece of shit, why anyone who ever worked for it will be dancing in the street for nickels and why Kevin Rose is a fuckwit. Plus other considerations.
Dogecoin is a scam perpetrated upon the naive public by a group of otherwise anonymous fuckwits - the sort that have never done anything useful in their lives so far and will not be doing anything useful ever. Marketeers, “creators” of pointless web 2.0 crud, tradeshow freaksi, braindamaged pseudo-entrepreneurs working in VC entertainment ii. The scum of this Earth.
Their value proposition is easily explained and straightforwardly understoodiii : making a centralised clone of Bitcoin, then getting all their retarded friends with social media accounts to upvote it, then pretending like they matter. For a month or three or however long it may last, these pathetic clones, fakes and ersatzes could like… almost live the life of the thing they’re pretending to be! Like… you know, from a distance the difference between a parking lot full of cars and a garbage dump full of paper cutouts shaped like cars doesn’t almost even exist. Especially if the sun shines just right. At least until the first rain, if you don’t look too carefully, Jackson Palmer is like an entrepreneur and everything.
So they got a little money together, marshalled all their friends and on the basis of mostly hollow promises constructed a whole empire of papier mache! Says Kevin Rose :
I really like how dogecoin is being used for tipping
Yeah, definitely. Everyone really needs quarter cents. I’ve never heard of a barista being tipped coins, but somehow 1/100ths of that is something Kevin Rose really likes. It makes a difference, seriously, those three dogecoin tips you got for the ninety-three hours you spent on reddit instead of doing your homework this month rrrrreally made a difference in your life. That and five bucks buys you a cup of coffee. Make sure you bring paper money for the tips there, tho.
That pretty much settles the “why Kevin Rose is a fuckwit” part of the discussion. It’s one thing to be a shill, a scammer, an asshole. These people use their heads. It’s another thing to be a Kevin Rose. No brains, and it shows : his discourse is about on par with what you’d expect out of the Ohio representative in the Miss America competition.
The part about Dogecoin being a scam is not simply it being a fraud, which is to say making patently false claimsiv. Doge is a scam because they actually used the reality behind those claims in such a way as to extract value out of those foolish enough to have believed the claims rather than examine the reality. In short, about an hour after I announced I’m attacking them, they… attacked themselves.
To better understand that move, think of its direct and exact equivalent : after having taken angel funding, the “entrepreneurs” with no product issue dilutive shares in such volume as to render the equity held by the angels worthless.
But wait, there’s more : it’s not just that they wiped the holdings of everyone that had - naively, of course - supported them up to that point. Every silly kid so deprived of human contact in his concrete jail that three subcent tips from calculating, exploitative bastards count to him as the top of his day and the pinnacle of human warmth and contact he’s experienced so far, every halfwit spending his hard-earned government dole to be “part of something”, every miner looking for a shortcut into the fortress, everyone with something to give. That’s not even half of it, not even the tenth of it. The real play there is that they’ve instituted this principle going forward. Whenever the team of assholes pushing Doge decides they’ve swallowed enough free work and effort from idiots, they can just issue a further round of fiat “coins” and that’s that. Ready to get more. And again, and again and again.
Does this sound exactly like a certain penny stock trick ? Well, it should, because that is exactly what it is : dump and dilute. That’s why Doge is a scam, and that’s why the people behind it are assholes : they know what they’re doing. Maybe they think they’re pretty smart, maybe they think they’re actually so smart nobody is catching on. They could be that stupid, sure. There’s however no intelligence required to be an asshole. All that’s required is to apply age old, well known, well documented connery. And that’s exactly what they’re doing.
Meanwhile, quoth Business Insider :
The price of Dogecoin, the world’s third most traded cyrptocurrency, is down 9% this afternoon.
And that’s a great thing.
Because the update from Dogecoin’s creators causing the temporary price drop will ultimately ensure its longevity going forward.
In a message on Github this weekend, Sydney-based co-creator Jackson Palmer announced the amount of Dogecoin would not be fixed, meaning it’s possible for an infinite amount of Dogecoin to be created. (This was first spotted by Ars Technica’s Cyrus Favriar). Every new “block” of Dogecoin that gets mined will yield 10,000 units of the currency.
“This will help maintain mining and stabilize the number of coins in circulation (considering lost wallets and various other ways coins may be destroyed) at 100 billion,” Palmer wrote.
This is close to how a normal fiat currency like the U.S. dollar works. Like the greenback, Dogecoin will now better be able to respond to increasing demand, as well as potential damages like those outlined by Palmer. It also gives incentives for miners to keep operating, thus helping keep the network more secure — as in Bitcoin, “mining” Dogecoin also serves to confirm the transactions taking place on the digital currency’s master exchange ledger.
These all happen to be problems Bitcoin currently faces.
That’s right! You read it here first! Paying X for an arbitrary unit is too much! Paying less for some other arbitrary unit is just fine! Like, if you have to go from London to New York, right ? Paying $3`200 in first class airfare is too much, because you’re paying over three thousand dollars for just one ticket ?!?!? Why, that’s expensive. You should buy a five quid ticket to the London subway instead. So what if the London subway never ever ever ends in New York ? You never know that. The ticket is good for as long as you stay in the tubes, and who knows ? Maybe eventually, if you keep riding you might end up in New York, or even in Boston! And in any case, just five quid for a ticket is cheap, isn’t it ? Much, much cheaper than OVER THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!
The “problems Bitcoin faces”. Like you know, the imaginary problem of “deflation”, as if Bicoin was in fact deflationary. Here’s a hint : it isn’t, and no amount of repeating a falsehood will make it count. As if the dollar can in fact survive the problems its inflationary nature bestows upon the economy. Here’s a hint : it couldn’t possibly.
This is what passes for business insiderness now. They’re that stupid, these people. How ? How can you be so fucking stupid, people ?
Obviously, Rob Wile didn’t just write that article. He has a cent or two of meanwhile worthless Doge coins to show for it - and obviously he can get more. After all inflation doesn’t hit everyone equally. It just hits the chumps, which is great, because that way the government can keep the leeches always a little bit hungry.
Which is exactly what’s happening here : the precise same devices, the exact same exercises in cognitive dissonance that are used to misrepresent the fiat regime as “normal” are being turned into the service of the Doge scam. Because that’s exactly what’s going on here, you’re looking at an attempt to create a fiat out of crypto.
It is a doomed attempt, not only because I say it’s doomed. It’s first and foremost a doomed attempt because it has no market - the people who are in crypto for crypto understand this, and if they actually want an alternative to Bitcoin they’ll pick an actual alternative - much in the way the people who are in the market for an alternative to Ford will pick another car. Not rollerblades. Not bicycles.
Sure, people who can’t actually afford cars, the kids, the unemployed, the unemployable will happily drone about how their going fifty miles through the sleet on a bike is saving the environment. That’s fine and nobody cares, they who can’t afford the grapes are entitled to invent any story about the sourness of grapes they feel best comforted by.
So whatcha got there, Doge ? A disgusting scam covered under a lot of pointless meme crap ? Good for you. There’s a reason you can’t buy shit wrapped in tin foil in Central Park. That reason isn’t the foil not being shiny. That reason is the shit stinking.
Ah, and as to the dancing for nickels part ? Heh. I keep track. Understand or not understand this, pretend like it happens or pretend like it doesn’t happen, I keep track. You promote a scam ? I record your name, I record your social network, I record everything about you. I keep this. Five years from now you will still need a job. You will not be able to get one. Ten years from now you will still need a social circle. You will not be able to find one. I keep track, and I will haunt you for the rest of your days. That’s just what I do.
And more generally, a notice to all the scumbags circling BTC : I don’t care that you’re poor, I don’t care if you’re desperate, I don’t care if you think you’re a journalist or an academic or an entrepreneur or a venture capitalist or whatever the fuck else. Pack it and move. This is your only warning, and quite frankly I have no ideea why warnings are even necessary. Bitcoin is not for idiots. That means you.
PS. The “bad” news, of course, is that the scammers have, like anyone else, a burn rate. Time is ticking away, there’s not so much left of it at all.———
- To quote an older description of the “trade conference” (as this sad display aims to call itself) :
They principally consist of destitute, barely nourished, single-shirt vagabonds (unsurprisingly mostly male, unsurprisingly mostly young) who roam the countryside hopping from venue to venue in a quest for the meager sustenance of dry&salty snacks and a few dollars here and there.
On the other side of the isle, the consumer of this paltry entertainment : the “investors”, greasy old chaps who aren’t quite bold enough to come of the closet as of yet, marginally mentally ill wrecks teetering precariously on the outer limits of the DSM-IV, middle aged women with serious social insertion issues, a mind boggling assortment of pretentious failures, rejects in denial, generally speaking the gamut of human refuse.
- To quote an earlier description,
Yahoo for that matter is a fine example in this line, in that as Graham explains back before his brain turned to mush, pretty much all the dotcom boom consisted of ignar twentysomething faggots doing the practical equivalent of lapdances for a bunch of clueless old lemons, who responded by throwing money around (a process called, for absolutely no good reason, “investment”). The faggots took this money, dumped it on yahoo in exchange for headdress extensions, because like all faggot groups ever they had these weird epeen contests going (the exact psychology of this is too lengthy a topic to bother with here and already well described other places anyway). This generated surging financial results for yahoo, supporting to the supperficial eye the shockingly stupid notion that headdress competitions are an actual economical activity.
That’d be your VC circuit : a bunch of old men who have no time to spend with their actual children. They claim this is because “they have to work”, but in fact it’s because a) they’re afraid of their actual children and b) their actual children hate and despise them, in no particular order. This in turn because they’ve failed to live, as an actual act in this world, and impose their existence upon those children, so that everyone may be happy. Instead everyone’s frustrated.
In the case of the children that frustration is resolved through untold stupidity, and in the case of the parents that frustration is resolved through gathering circlejerks of circus performers and enjoying roughly the equivalent of a bunga-bunga dance. Except not with seventeen year old girls but with twenty-something year old boys ; not nude but wearing the usual gap crap and not in a pool but in a conference room. This is the extent of the differences, otherwise there’s absolutely nothing fundamental separating the Web “entrepreneur” doing a “pitch” for “investors” from the Vegas call girl dancing in the cake and then sucking cock in the hotel room. Some slight variance of blush, a little different cut for the crotchless underwear (not that different anymore). That’s all, the substance exactly the same : none whatsoever. [↩]
- Which is pretty much required, there’s a very strict upper bound on the IQ of these people. [↩]
- Which it does. A centralised “coin” is in no way part of the space which Bitcoin tore out of the world any more than a horse carriage shaped like the Model T is a car. You still need horses to run the carriage, which means it’s a carriage. The car is automotive. [↩]