Time to reform transportation

Friday, 13 September, Year 5 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu


It's time to reform transportation.

Ist of all, cars are not cool. Cars aren't something the rich, the rebel, the young, the cool drive around anymore than Camels are something the sophisticated light up. I get it, car companies spend a lot on advertising. Who cares ?

Cars are a tool, much like that long snake plumbers use, rooting through your shit to clear pipes. Driving is for truck drivers, driving is for weird pakis coming by the clan to NY in search of "a better life" and taking turns sleeping in the trunk. Driving your car to wherever you're going is not so much unlike showing up in your overalls, with a plunger or whatever in your hand.

For this reason cars really have no business whatsoever above ground, not anymore than rats do, at any rate. The modern town would limit car traffic to tunnels strictly, running parallel with the sewage tunnelsi. Under the streets and buildings where actual people go. Nothing but a succession of garages and pipes taking cars from garage to garage. You want to see the light of day, you want to interact with human beings ? Drop the car off at 22 purple or whatever, hop in the elevator and here you are.

II. Bikes are not cool. They're fucking modified wheelchairs, nothing more, nothing else. Using a wheelchair for no reason whatsoever, just to bother people and get in their way is a misdemeanor, using a bike AT ALL should be a felony by default. It's clear you're not handicapped, or else you'd be in a proper wheelchair. You're just bothering people and getting in their way, fuck you for being a shitty sociopath, off to jail for one year to meditate on what a little shit your parents brought into the world and to cut to your heart's content. Remember : along, not across.

All this infestation of the perfect form of the human body with ill thought, aesthetically offensive mechanical contraptions is frankly nauseating. Walking is so great, so noble, so close to true nature. Why not enjoy it for what it is, away and protected from the insanity of they in perpetual search of crutches ?

I tell you, cars underground, where they belong, like the slaves in any Roman bath, like the slaves in Disneyland. Doing their thing quietly away from actual human society. Bikes verboten on account of being evil in the eyes of the lord. Hapiness. Greatness. Perfection.

PS. The discussion about mechanical contraptions above extends to anything and everything, like all the weird shit 1900s people came up with as "inventions", but it specifically excludes high heels. High heels are great, and even if we ever move to public nudism high heels on nubile women remain mandatorily required.

  1. Actually I guess they could share, what's the big deal ? []
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17 Responses

  1. Oh but what about skateboarders? Rollerbladers! Pogo sticks?

  2. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    Mircea Popescu 
    Friday, 13 September 2013

    Pogo sticks only if over C cup. The rest NO.

    Unless perhaps if over C cup.

  3. So you enjoy deformed feet but you hate the mechanic aesthetic of bikes.

    You can't run for long distances so a bike is a good tool for the sensation of speed and wind blow.

    What's wrong with you? As for cars...

  4. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    Mircea Popescu 
    Friday, 13 September 2013

    Get some real blow.

  5. > You can’t run for long distances

    Who says that? Actually, that's what helped certain apes to considerable evolutionary advantage.

  6. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    Mircea Popescu 
    Friday, 13 September 2013

    Very much so indeed.

  7. 1 km running is an olympic sport and those run it in 2-3 hours?

    Bikes are easier, cover longer distances, less fatigue... ?

    Pls instate flat shoe dictatorship:

  8. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    Mircea Popescu 
    Friday, 13 September 2013

    Stop with the motherfucking "it's easier", fatboy.

  9. I quite enjoy walking and what would that got to do with anything.

    No srs, there's no reason for you to not enjoy a bike, as walking or running. No feet injury, less fatigue, moar distance.

    So bikes are to stay. The guy in the pic is probably some fucker who can't use the bike lane or proper side of the road, or the road itself. It's humorous but to argue using that...

  10. ^I don't own one, had as a child.

    Why divest future children of fun?! Now they have bike games on an iphone, lol.

  11. 1 km running is an olympic sport and those run it in 2-3 hours?

    Where??? At troll olympics?

  12. Summer Olympics and World Championship Athletics? Although more common is the mile run.

    Tropical niggers win the short races, sand niggers the long ones.

  13. Vexare, not sure if serious...or maybe you never ever *walked* one kilometer? Any healthy person can do it in 15 minutes or less.

  14. Running for a few km is different from walking them. Racewalk(the olympic thing) is different from both, the motion of the legs is like running but the speed like walking. Racing and running both require high endurance.

    I can walk 3 kilometers in 35 minutes but I can't run for 3 km, which are two different things and probably if I ran just 150 m I'll miss the view.

    Thing is you can get 10-20 km in an hour with a bike and if you like to roam around the city I can't see a better way than using a bike.

    And a bike is an assistant to running, not walking. It gives you some sensation of speed.

    Unlike cars, you actually use your feet to produce motion, no pedal-motor thing. I can't see why someone would ban this.

    The road - delimitation - bike lane thing plus overpasses seems to work currently.

    An underground network would cause too much health problems(circadian rhythms), similarly like night truck driving.

  15. Kill me.

  16. this article is fucking stupid and i hope it was written as a joke to piss off nerds

  17. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    Mircea Popescu 
    Monday, 19 January 2015

    Did it work ?

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