Motto : No, she didn't, she couldn't have had.
To have fun you need to organize it, and who was to organize it for her?
We're going to the beach, of course. The car's shiny black, freshly washed ; the bimbo's powdery slut. I don't know how to better describe it : she's had her hair died pink, shiny, glaring, explosive pink like she's the powerpuff ho. Then there's the pink dress, short and sleeveless and with one of them fake bootfronts where the tits go, all strings and shit. And the shoes and the nails and of course her cunt's pink too. Did you know this, by the way ? There's a fucking reason pink's such a slut's color.
She even smells like powder. Slut powder, you know... hm. I guess that reference's lost on anyone not intimately familiar with working girls of the dancin' kind, but anyways. We can't always write with nine year olds in mind, or for that matter the stupid cunts that spawned them, and then proceeded to go right ahead and rob the thesaurus of obscure Italian words forgotten since the days of that bad man Byron to "literatedly" an' "cultivatedly" diss whatever in their barren environment might be in the slightest danger of passing for strong male presence. And speaking of strong male presence an' the sad cunts of the motherly persuasion : how about all y'all collectively do the world (and yourselves) a favour and quit with the unsympathetic depictions of rape and rapists ? We get it already, there's this one case where the dood's a total slob and the chick's this hottie from your math class in Can't Hardly Waiti and you'd totally do her. In actual reality, however, most rapes occur between dudes whom I'd readily hire and chicks that nobody'd ever fuck -- as proven by the fact nobody ever even considered trying, even with all the beer, which is how she even has such preoccupations in the first place. You realise normal human females don't get raped because they have sex, and the two are mutually exclusive in practice, right ? Like, my car got broken into while it was parked out in the wild, but it doesn't get broken into when it's parked in the garage under the bank ? Same exact fucking thing, the only practical way to get raped is to have no friends, no sex life, no nothing & nada. I get it, the shit you read on your favourite fantasy support platform doesn't say that ; but then there's a reason fictive worlds are fictive worlds, okay ?
Anyways, my slut's counting money to pay the peajeii and complaining about all the small coins getting in the way (five and ten colones, a penny and twopence worth) when Hannah offers her dusty sparkly silver coin purse to try and help and the idea strikes me : take the coins out of there, and fill it with tens! The 820 colones fare coems to 82 coins, she works a while fishing them out and counting them (the while perhaps all the while enlengthened by my talking to her during, but hey) and then I lay the egg on her : when we're at the booth, you get out of the car, do a little Peggy Bundy dance, and deliver the purse over to the moonstruck clerkiii.
A minute later indeed my MERKELEY??? fantasyiv is enacted ad idem : pink slut as depicted, with a sparkle-silver coinpurse fulla shiny silver coins, futzing and fretting on the asphalt, bothering the shit out of the minimum-wage "earning", Jennifer Lopez-worshiping moms all about.
I win the tall toll trophy tale championships and that's all there is to it. And then, to make all this impossible, I get the idea!
Would you like to hear my idea (which is mine) ? Well, I'll tell it to you then : if I were in a market catering to highschool disposable incomev I'd make single-kernel corn poppers as a pencil add-on. You know, where the eraser extensions go. Isn't that fucking genius ?
Yeah, that's it, that's me, the life and times. I'm having fun ; ceea ce va doresc si voua.———
- 90s something, and a terrible fucking flick, for the record. I had no fucking idea that dumb bitch trying to impersonate a young horse actually has a name, I thought it genuinely must be Neigh McLipClop or something stupid like that. Also I realise now I must've seen a spoof for it long ago without catching on, because I have a clear recollection of some dweeb passing "a letter" to the bitch in question and she retorting with "oh, you don't expect I just go to bed with any dweeb just because he gave me a letter ?" "you don't ?!" "hell no. I just give them blowjobs." followed by the excited if muted nodding of the dweeb involved.
And speaking of handjobs, you know you only involve those in your sexual menu if you've had a very sexually frustrated adolescence, like Dave Chapelle. Right ? If you fucked instead of drooling in your teens you don't think handjobs are a thing, buncha weirdo UStardian fetishists. What the fuck's a handjob even supposed to be, the cheapest blowjob you could find ? [↩]
- Road toll. Comes from peon. [↩]
- Yeah, they have actual living, breathing humans inside the tool booths here, it's like living in an enchanted land of the past century. Radio Shack's doing a booming business still, too! No kidding. [↩]
- "Alright, Markley..."
"Hey, he posed for it. I live it." [↩]
- I feel quotes are in order, though I'm not sure where to start. [↩]