This glorious piece originally saw the light of electronic darkness lo a whole decade agoi, then titled Scatoalca si demnitatea umana.ii (And as chance would have it, the rapandulaiii unnamed therein is the ever-lulzy Nede, who once made claims I deigned to make famous.)
Since I decided to again participate in the public space of the motherlandiv lo these coupla years ago, I've been handing out such legendary abundance of slaps, on wrists, butts, those-other-buttsv etcetera as never the country's seen. On they rained, upon other bloggers, their commenter community, my own commenting community, by the basket, truckload, bargeful. The reactions of they faced with the hitting machine varied, both by kind and frequency. Let's quote among the less common :
Esti prea drastic mai ca tot timpul si privesti totul prin prisma ta …
Eu la 170cm vad lumea de la nivelul meu, altcineva la 150cm vede lumea de la nivelul respectiv.
Ai un stil ciudat de a motiva negativ ….
As you might expect, the [female] author escaped unbeaten. Not much, anyways. I shan't go into details as to why I don't support the approach (for I already have), and besides, it's more interesting to discuss the more common types.
By far the most frequent among the many possible is that the slapped becomes upset! And swears eternal enmity upon me! Expletive!vi Sometimes I am asked in private, "what's rapandula-X got against you ? she's talking shit about you everywhere" and the answer generally is something in the vein of "myeah, I said she's falsely advertising, she's got no tits" (one example, there's more).
This attitude, whereby "hm, X fucked us up ? very well then, X is therefore forever our enemy!!!" hides within its ample folds of belly fat an amusing defect of reasoning. First of all, to reason thusly one already has to be morally fallen, for the argument no longer flows towards truth, but towards some petty personal concern, such as the "thinker" perceives it, with his reduced cognitive ability. Which already is asking for a good slapping session, from the get-go.
But taking the analysis further, and admitting we've decided to follow not truth, but petty personal interest [such as it can be at best conceived, on the limited cognitive ability aforediscerned], it's the height of bad policy to maintain hostilities with he who's fucked us up, for the simple if self-evident reason that if he's done it once it's exceedingly probable he might be able to do it at least once more. If our goal in life's not to find out where we're at, but simply to avoid slaps, howsoever poorly we might find ourselves, then the "rational" attitude wouldn't be hostility towards the slappers (except, perhaps, in the strictest secret). It can't be vented publicly, because such course's tantamount to asking for more.
Which is why I can't deny a certain sympathy for the dumbasses, male or female, who, after getting it good, "become upset" and take to cussing me out. It denotes a certain simplicity, a sincerity of stupidity which is, like any sincerity, quite seductive.
Another reaction, rarer than the first, is that the receiver doesn't "become upset", in the sense that he doesn't own up to it. Whatever may be going on in his heart of hearts only he knows. And me. It's not so hard to figure it out, judging by how avoidant he then becomes. The avoidant's obviously just as fucking stupid as the angry moron, except not nearly as naive. Experience teaches, and so he doesn't expose himself pointlessly by voicing his rage. Instead, he waits, Willie E. Coyote, behind who knows what darkened corner, wherever he judges I might one day pass. Such as he expects may even occur, and should it come to pass you might imagine I'll be amused, going by the simple heuristic that lo, I'm still here. After thirty-odd years of running a slap distribution center, for schoolteachers, policemen, and whatever else you might wish to add on that listvii, I'm somehow still around, un"extradited".viii
There's also the category, even rarer still, of those who get it good, hide somewhere a minute, a year, a week, until the tears and the howl in their ears subside, and then come back, the same. Again, and again, and again. There was this kid in my class in jr. high, very fucking annoying. He wasn't worth anything in a scuffle, absolutely all the boys had the drop on him, and most of the girls, that were better built (such as the chick we'd go "buying furniture" with). It didn't make any difference to him, though : he'd immediately start over, doing whatever annoying nonsense got his ass kicked in the first place. Over and over and over again.ix
By far the rarest are those who -- wonder of wonders & mirabilis mirabilia -- fix whatever was wrong that caused the whole matter and return thusly! Very scant indeed yet present, I've had the opportunity of seeing with mine own eyes, and even on this very blog!
But anyway, let's return to the title : the slap allows the division of fellow man in groups : the naive idiot ; the venomous idiot ; the autistic idiot ; and human beings. As such, if applied systematically it will separate a pile of indistinct and therefore useless cunt byproducts in four smaller groups, three of which idiots and one, unfortunately most anemic, nevertheless actually interesting.
For this very reason the ideological stance forms (chiefly among the first two categories of idiot, the third lacking the capacity to rouse itself that far) whereby slapping is somehow antithetical to human dignity (such as for instance because it reduces a larger group of alleged humans into a large group of cvasi-human rejects and a small group of actual humans).
Well... it ain't true! The slap is the absolutely necessary means through which the falsity of unbacked pretense to humanity is brought to the fore, much like ossasepia is the means of distinguishing zamacx from gold.
To say ossasepia's a threat to the aurity of pot metal's the exact sort of idiocy that's asking for a sound trashing.———
- You know "the Romanian internet" completely died out & ended as a going concern a year or maybe at most two after The End of Romanian Trilema ? Try as you might, all romanian-language websites you might find today are either fake, automated transaltions of "ecommerce" & TGPs (thumbnail gallery preview, a porn term), or else excavated, from like... 2013. It fucking ended, what, there once was a country and now there's just a hollow. Not even the memory remains. [↩]
- The scatoalca would be a hearthy slap, such as produced by say a burly drill sargeant. It's not a punch because it travels laterally rather than directly (and it's not a hook because it aims for the cheek rather than the jaw, an' besides, the palm's open), but it delivers roughly the same kinetic energy.
In typical fashion, the Romanian experts in sucking my cock propose an imaginary etymology from Russian shkatulka, which as you might or might not know denotes a chest, especially those with a hidden compartment -- ie,
non c'entra nulla. They do nevertheless copy it from each other everywhere like so many pre-Internet shanonizing bots, resulting in unbroken "consenus" among the sort of "scholars" not fit to shine my shoes and in any case entirely unrelated to any sort of scholarship. [↩]
- Yet another Romanian word for [cheap and undesirable] whore. Quite possibly derived from the Romanian word for mange. [↩]
- After a lenghty absence / retirement which didn't take. The matter's discussed pluriously. [↩]
- "If I had a dog looked like you, I'd shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards." [↩]
- The original's just a neutral proferation, a sort of "by Jove" or such. [↩]
- Yes I have pretty much everything in the collection, as I've not lived in vain! [↩]
- I was going to link some of the tardstalk comedy gold of yesteryear, but meanwhile it's lost. Let's use the Princeton trained phrenologist instead, same difference :
- He grew up to become first petty thief (in Italia!) and then prison prettyboy, which is how this usually goes. [↩]
- The original is rather a Serbian word, pleh. It denotes ambiguously lead, tin, their alloys... in any case, it's an easy to work, cheap pot metal. [↩]