The balls of schmaltz and the end.

Tuesday, 11 August, Year 12 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

The old Jew, sick and tired of the pointless intricacy of the alternative, traditional methods and even sicker and tireder of their scant delivery, resolved one day to simply sell his daughters. In exchange for a respectively sufficient count of respectable, round, heavy and slick balls of schmaltz, anyone could take the daughter of his choice out of the old Jew's household and carry her with him, permanently away.

The availability of the material thereby made his remaining daughters luscious and lush, desirable beyond compare, and the old Jew's parlour as well as pantry were always busting at the seams with the brute materials of life. The old Jew did his best to put up with it, don't force his arm ; while the rest of the people, or at least those among the rest of the people not entirely idiotic beyond indolence, couldn't help but notice : that their parlours and pantries were indeed quite far from busting, at the seams or anywhere, and this in spite the occasionally true but much widerly held than that impression that their daughter material was, if not merely just as good, then absolutely and definitively better!

Everyone who noticed did something about it -- some pulled on their own cocks and beards, in that order or in some other, importantly making updates and adjustments to the image of the world as reflected in their skull ; some others gathered together to agree upon updates and adjustments to the image of the world as reflected in their having agreed upon it ; yet some others came over to the jew, marriageable daughters in tow, or threw them over the fence, or just sent them over and called it good. Needless to say, of the vermiforminous multitudes, only the last category bears any importance or made any impact in the world. The rest... well, the rest might as well have never existed at all.

The old Jew streamlined his opperations under the deluge of daughter, driving ever increasing marginal efficiency and ever-lower friction costs, as well as the perception of the increase in marginal efficiency along with the impression of ever-lowering friction costs, which impression is even more important than the instant reality of it, as it in turn promoted sharp increases in the ticseala of the parlour, and correspondingly therefore in the pantry. Also, it bent law somewhat, in that the old Jew's daughters being his own, "their" balls of schmaltz or more properly speaking the balls of schmaltz left behind in the hole they produced through popping out of existence were rightfully his ; whereas the balls of schmaltz associated with the sudden disappearance of other people's daughers would've been rightfully theirs, those very people's. Excepting of course for a small lick, a slice and a dice owed the old Jew for his trouble, which miraculously ever grew over time to the eventual exclusion of all else, through a process known as "corruption" from an imagined outside, and otherwise throughout and universally the very stuff of life.

This change in law did in turn drive a change in living conditions, because as the old Jew was to derive a certain benefit from other people's daughters those daughters in question also became rather his than those other people's ; and so the life of the others, the life of the daughter producers in time alligned closer to the life of any other domestic beast of burden, while the old Jew carefully husbanded his flock producing very much his balls of schmaltz in due time and through the application of skilled work and patience, like any profession (or rather : like that which any other profession strives, to varying degrees of success, to copy). Some people herd cows and make wheels of cheese and some other people herd heifers and make balls of schmaltz, what of it.

Through the passage of time and by the development of something called "technology" (an offshot of the nitty gritty of keeping the parlour floors clean and the parlour seams cobbled together, as well as related endeavours) the old Jew also became ageless. He was just as young a man as the young men bearing balls of schmaltz. In any case he had more and bigger such balls than any of them could ever muster, and so it wasn't as much a matter of his sampling the goods, both of "his" daughters and of his daughters, but rather a matter of only selling what's truly not worth keeping, over the generations driving a drop in quality among the young men coming over, as well as the drying up of their schmaltz.

That's it, you are here. The end, a necessary as well as unavoidable the end.

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