Princess Babydoll and the value of life.

Thursday October the 7th. We were all kinda up although it was dark in the cage room, but Doll said we have a circadian rhythm so we feel the morning even in a hole. This was the first time in my life that I slept completely naked in a cage, without even a cover of any kind. But really it wasn't cold in the room at all. But I thought about it, because I didn't even have any clothes, or anything at all, except my journal and the pen and the spotlight. And the hobble. And my slave stone. Really if you think about it even when you think you have nothing at all you have a lot of things.

We were talking and holding hands through the cage bars, though we could only do either one or the other side at a time and I could only hug Doll or dogslave but not sisi but dogslave carried kisses back and forth mouth to mouth. And I told them that I really like being caged like this and dogslave said she too kinda, but sisi really hated it and Doll too. They asked how come we like it and dogslave said it makes her feel like she is a real dog bitch maybe and I couldn't explain it very well but yeah, I felt like I was an animal and there is nothing to hope for. It sounds terrible now when I read it, and it is terrible, but that's why I liked it when I was in the cage, I think, for how terrible it is. It's like I'm two different people, because when I'm outside I think it would be terrible, but I went inside since then more times and every time it felt great because I thought there is no hope and I am never getting out anymore, even though I knew it's silly and not even true. And it's the same thing with penises, when I'm by myself or with the slavegirls I think they're terrible, just disgusting and ugly, but when they're right there in front of me and especially if a slave I love has it in her mouth I want to lick it too, so bad! Or I think cum is the grossest thing, but if my bae gets filled I just want to lick and suck it all out of her and even when it's all gone I just want more and more. And ballsac sweat is gross when I think about it, but when I smell it I just want to lick where it is the grossest and eat it up. Though right now writing I can almost taste it and it's making me almost throw up it's so disgusting.

But I told them having nothing makes having my lovers with me even more of a big deal, because it's always a big deal but things maybe get in the way or dull it a little, like clothes or really like a bathing suit. I said remember Doll, when you said to her only poor people go into water dressed ? The truth is only poor people have things. And they were all like wow babydoll! Youre crazy! But I told them all I want is to be with them and I even wish they crammed us all into the same cage even if it's barely enough to stand like that, because I just want to feel their skin on mine.

Then the light turned on a little and the man came again from last night, and asked us if we're up already ? And we said yes sir. Then he asked if we want breakfast and Doll said we have to have our whoremone pills first, before food. And he asked about it and she explained so he left, and then came back and gave us the same pills as we had at home! The same exact kind, it was so weird, and it made me want to cry but I didn't want to cry in front of him. I think sisi wanted to cry too, but she didn't either. I think our backs must have been terrible too, because I remember being beaten really hard the day before, but I somehow don't remember anything else about it anymore or the day after or anything, and I wrote down nothing about it either, I don't know why.

But I said to the man, I said "Sir, we are good whores, we just want to shower and cuddle together, is there any way we could do that ?" He said "you won't be any trouble ?" and we all said "No sir" and I said "we're no trouble at all, we always do what we're told sir" and Doll said "we're just good little whores, sir, we're obedient and all we want is to please. But we smell bad and we miss each other". and he kinda looked at us and he said "alright, hang on" and then he left. He came back soon after and he said "I'm sorry dollies, but there's nothing doing. You'll have to be debriefed first". and we looked at each other and then we all said "Yes sir". Then he came in with the oat meal again, but this time there were raisins on top, and we had to lick it again because no spoons. So dogslave put it on the floor in front of her and she went on all fours and licked it like that, and I said that's a good doggy! and she did her happy Ruff! and pant like before and it made me so sad... Then the man said to me "why don't you eat it like that too ?" and I said I will sir, and put it down and got on all fours too, and then licked it and looked up at him and panted too. Then he looked at Doll and said "How about you ?" and she said "Yes sir" and did it too, and then he was just looking at sisi. She didn't say anything, just standing there holding her plate and licking at it, but then she went on all fours too, and we were all eating like dogs on the floor though really, the man didn't even tell us to do it, he really just asked. But really I liked it better this way, because it is a lot more humiliating and I pushed my ass out as much as I could and slowly turned around the plate so he could see me from behind. He started moving up and down in front of the cages, and then he said in his walkie, "What the hell, they've got buttplugs in ?!" and someone said "yeah man, they asked for them, it's in the overnight report" so he flipped through his clipboard and scratched his head. Then he came towards me and kicked me right in the bud with his boot, but very lightly, more like a pat, and he said "you're something else, aren't you!" but I just said ruff! ruff! and rubbed myself against his sole. It's strange what a slave will do in a cage, I almost never know what I'll do myself, and it's kinda surprising to remember, too, in one way, but then in the other it's like "of course! duh!"

Then he gave Doll a hobble to put on, and a thick fat belt for around her waist. Then he opened her cage, and told her to come out, where he strapped her arms behind her with the elbows straight into a long leather binding, and strapped that to her belt, which forced her tits way out. Then he attached a chain to her belt in front and walked her out. We were left behind, kinda missing her and dogslave just ran back and forth from me to sisi and we held hands and hugged and I told them that I love them and sisi asked what happens if they sell us to different people ? I told her that would be just terrible, and dogslave wanted to cry for the first time, but I said maybe you'll just be lucky and find a real Princess, way better than me, and they said they don't want one. We kept talking about it for a long time, I know it was about an hour or so but then in the hole it seemed forever. Then the man came to take me, but I had the hobble on already so he just got me out and put the belt and the bind on me and chained me up. I asked if I may kiss her goodbye meaning sisi, and he said ok, so for the first time we hugged and I told her not to be scared, because she will be left here by herself just for a little while, but it will be alright in the end and it's not goodbye and we shall see each other again. And I turned to the man and asked "isn't that true ?" and he said "For sure cutiepie, don't worry your sweet ass about it. You'll have it better than my wife". and then he dragged me out.

I walked behind him on his leash out the door and through a tunnel. I counted my steps, 218. We kept going by large metal doors and corridor entrances but eventually we came to one where he turned, and we went in. It was a different examination room, very strange. It didn't look at all like a doctor's room, but very much like the places where they took the witches back in the day. There was a man in a white coat just like a doctor, but on his head he had a strange thing with a long beak covering his face completely, and there were two big guys with him, topless, with big muscles on their arms and chest, and hoods on their heads just like executioners that killed witches. Behind them there was a big fire inside the wall, and that cast crazy shadows all around. The guy with the beak said "Oh, you're the famous babydoll, with the journal ?" and I kneeled and I said yes sir. He asked me "Are you a princess, babydoll ?" and I answered "no sir, I'm just a whore, just a slave whore that is all". But then he asked me "Were you a princess before ?" and I looked at him and I said "I thought maybe I might be, when I grew up, sir. My lovergirls told me I was all the time". So he asked me if I believed them, and I said I didn't know. Then he said, "That's fine babydoll. You're a very finely broken whore, I don't think you need any re-education at all. But since we're here, I'm going to show you all the instruments, and I will make you try some on. Would you like that ?" and I said "Yes sir. Will they hurt me, sir ?" and he said "Yes, that's the idea, torture is supposed to hurt". and I said "Yes sir".

He explained to me that the mechanicals are on my right, the electricals on my left, and the thermals right ahead. I said "I am so scared, sir. Please don't kill me". and he said to me there's nothing for a whore like me to be scared of, in this world. He said pain's not a big deal, not really, and death should not be a concern of mine, because while I live my death does not exist ; and if my death exists then I'm no more here to fret and worry about it. He asked me if it makes any sense to worry about things that don't exist ? But I told him "Sir, if I died my lovergirls will be so sad!" and he asked me if I want to live for them ? And I said I never lived for anything else. He said I shouldn't worry about him killing me, or anyone else, because women are never worth killing, they're always worth more alive than dead. He said "you're a woman, aren't you ?" and I said "I don't know, sir, I'm just a little girl". He put his fingers together from each hand, and then asked me who did I study with ? And I said nobody, except for Doll. And he asked if it was the girl just before ? And I said I think so. He nodded is head, and said "I want you to trust me, little girl. Do you trust me ?" and I said "Yes sir". Then he asked me if I will do everything he tells me to, and I said I will. Then he asked if I will do it because I trust him, or just because he tells me to, and I said because he tells me to. He told me he wants me to do it because I trust him, and I said I will. Such a strange thing, to climb on a torture rack because you trust the man who maybe came up with it or anyways used it lots and lots to hurt maybe thousands of girls before, maybe to hurt them really, really bad... But I trusted him, because he told me to.

First he put me on that rack, and he explained it to me, how it works, after I was helpless, strapped to it. He turned it himself to make me feel the pain, and then explained how much worse it can get, and then let me off. Then he showed me many more in the mechanical devices, the skull crusher, the thumb crushers, the vaginal pear, which is a thing that opens inside a girl's hole, and scratches her place where babies grow, so she dies from infection and very painfully, and the iron maiden which is like a closet with spikes that squeezes you in, and the many chairs with punishments in them, and many more things. He said I can't possibly have the pear, but that he recommends I try the thumb things a little. I said yes sir, and he put them on me. He turned until it hurt but it did not hurt so bad I wanted to cry. Then he asked me if I am curious about anything else there and I said I'd like my cunt to hurt sir. So the two men, they lifted me by my lower legs above this sharp edge so I could lower myself on it like riding a horse. It went right on my bud, and it hurt so bad. But he didn't let me have it for very long, he moved his hands quickly and they lifted me from there. Then I wanted to hurt in my feet, and they crushed them a little in two different machines, but it did not hurt me so bad. I thanked him very much for hurting me with love, and he said it's what I deserve, and what I've earned with my life so far.

Then he showed me the many ways to hurt with fire and burning things and hot oils and waxes and many things. He explained it but said it is out of the question I try out any. Then he showed me water things in a room further out, and I had to go on my back with my arms caught so I couldn't move away and he put a cloth on my face and poured water over it. It is so scary, you feel like you will drown, though of course the cloth doesn't let you drown, but you just think you're drowning forever. It's a good idea, too, because it's easy to do and safe, and I must remember it so we try it later ourselves.

Then we went to the electrics and here he said I must have the violet wand, and I am forbidden to move a single muscle. It was a very purple glass bowl with a glass handle, and it sort-of tickled me everywhere it touched. He played with it on my belly and thighs until I felt kinda tingly all over, then he used it on my breasts until my nipples were very sore, and then he told me to bend over and I did, but as he touched it to my cunt I felt if he doesn't stop I will definitely pee all over it, and he said "go right ahead". I tried to hold it in but eventually I couldn't keep myself, it was like a strange sort of having it, but with pee. When I lost it, the moment my pee touched the glass, I felt it all inside of me, like everything inside was just having it at the same time, and I couldn't stop peeing and the more I peed the more it squeezed and twisted me inside, I had it and had it and had it and then kept having it intense and crazy long after I was out of any pee. He said there are many machines for this, and even more for whores with their hole made in them, and that a whore can be killed just by making her have it so much, just for so very hard and so very long, and there's nothing she can do about it, because it's not really hers. I couldn't say anthing, they had to hold me up, I was just panting. Then I said "thank you sir" again and again.

Then he put me in a little cage, I had to lie on my back on a cold metal, just as wide as me, and just as tall, with thick cage bars all around, and then he put a lid on it which had a mirror facing me. It was a cage almost exactly my size, a little room extra at my feet but nothing else, and the mirror was close enough to my face I could lift my head to touch it. He asked me many many questions about everything, I don't remember them all, but I will write down what I remember. He asked me everything about my life, many many small things, like if I ever had a pet dog or anything, and if I killed anything even very little and I told him ants because I hate them and a frog once but it was an accident because I stepped on it because it jumped wrong. Then he asked me if I was sorry about the frog and I said kinda but really it should look where it is going and he said but whore, it can't see up and I said well sir, I can't see in my foot either! But I don't think he is right, because if frogs couldn't see up they'd have all been eaten long ago, but then Doll told me dogs can look up but they don't usually think to try and nobody ate them but I said to her "Who eats dog ?" and she said Spanish people.

Then he asked me why I hate ants, and I told him it's because they're so stupid, and they keep coming and coming wherever it is you don't want them to go and they always circle around like idiots and never go anywhere specific! Then he said "That's because they're slaves, whore. They do what they have to do". and I said "nuh-uh, ants aren't slaves" and he asked me how I know that and I told him because they couldn't do anything else anyway. So he asked me if I'm a slave and I said yes sir, and he asked me how come and I said because I love Doll and he said "So what else could you do ?" and I was going to say "just be a little girl" at first, but then I didn't say anything and then I said "You are right sir". But I still hate ants. And he asked me what I was going to say and I told him and that then I understood once Doll hugged me that day I could never do anything else. So he made me tell him all about it and then he asked me what about the other two little girls and I said they're slaves too and he asked me how come and I said because they love me. So then he said "so that makes you better than them, doesn't it whore" and I said it makes me better loved than them and I am sorry and he asked how come and I said because I don't know how to love properly. He asked me what do I mean by that and I said when Doll hugged me I was living with Mom. But I forgot about her. And before talking to you I was talking with Dad. But I forgot about him, too. I'm just a stupid whore that doesn't love properly and forgets about people. He asked me if it hurts me when he calls me whore and I said no sir, it makes me happy, because that's what I am. He said that he calls everyone that and I said I know and that's what I like about it. He asked me if I thought maybe ants also have little names for themselves, and I said I don't think so and can we talk about something else. It's just so stupid, going in a circle all the time because there's no choice, I know you can say words to make it look like that's what we do too, but it's a lie, because I could just be a stupid little girl if I wanted even if I think it's stupid and I don't want to I still could.

Then he said "You know, your Dad is ok. They took him to the hospital after you left but they let him go home the next day and he is ok now". but I didn't say anything. He asked me "do you miss your Dad ?" and I told him kinda but it is not true. I don't miss Dad at all. Why don't I miss him ? It's because I'm an evil whore, isn't it. It's true that I only really knew him a short time, but before that I missed him every day, every year, like every day more than once, many times I thought "I miss Dad!" and wanted to see him but it made Mom really upset if I said anything. And now I don't miss him at all. I miss Doll already, I was only in here an hour maybe but I miss Doll and my baes like I want to cry a little. But Mom I don't miss. I used to though, before Doll I missed Mom all the time, even when she was in the other room. And I told her on the phone, after, "Mom, I miss you". but I did not. I was lying to her because I did not want to think about it, but I never miss anyone because I just move on like an evil cheap whore that doesn't love anyone. I said to the man with the beak, "please sir, may I be punished ?" and he said oh little whore, you are punished already. Your punishment is that every man you ever meet will love you for what you most hate and despise about yourself. And I started to cry and he said "Forever" so I was crying really hard but he said "Now cut it out!"

It was really hard and I didn't want to stop, but I had to, even if it took some tries. I asked him, what will happen to me ? And he said "you will be sold, and you will love your Master, the man who buys you". I said "and after that ?" and he said "you will be sold again, and you will love your new Master, the man who buys you". and I asked forever ? and he said "Yes, slave. Forever". It is such a comfort to know that. I said to him "I will only love my new Master if you tell me to, Daddy". and he said that is right and as it should be. I think he is right, and that it is right, a real woman should give herself to whoever her owner tells her to. It is much better that way, although many girls think they can choose for themselves, but that's not real. It's just play pretend, all in their head, like a daydream. It's only real when you choose to have no choice. That is the only way to be any better than the ants at all.

Then he asked me if I ever felt all warm inside for a boy or a man maybe, and I said "No sir. I think I'm lesbian, maybe". He asked me why I think that, and I told him what happened, with the porn and what Doll said. He asked me if I wanted to be a lesbian and I said no sir. I told him all I wanted was to be a better whore, and a better lover, so that I hurt more, inside. He asked me if I want love to hurt me more ? And I said "It doesn't hurt me at all, sir. That's not right, is it ?" and he asked me why not and I told him I don't know, it just doesn't feel right. But he asked me if I know what a hummingbird is and I said sure, and he asked me how fast do their wings beat ? And I said it's very fast, like you can barely see them, and he asked me if I tried to flap my arms that fast, would they hurt ? I told him I'm sure they would, and he said do you think it hurts the little bird ? It's a good question, but I said to him "what if a little bird told you it does ?" which is very clever because people often say like that, "a little bird told me" when they just figured stuff out on their own. So he didn't say anything and then he said he's really curious what my IQ test tomorrow shows up because this just isn't normal.

So I asked him, "Do you love me, sir ?" and he said "Yes, I do. I have never been this seduced by a slave before, let alone a little girl. You're making it impossible for me to do my job, really the only reason I go on is because I don't know anyone who'd be any better at it, or how". but I said to him "what about a woman ?" and he said "Yeah, right, you'd walk out of here with a new slave. You're irresistible, cunt". So I asked him if it is because of my cunt that I'm irresistible and he said no, it's because I'm perfect, in every way, and perfectly honest to top it all. I asked him if that's good but he said "Do you ever want to hurt people ?" and I told him not really, so he said "well that's our only saving grace". I asked him what is a grace and he said it's when you get really lucky, but it's not right. A grace is when the light from outside shines right through you into the cave. He said to me "Little girl, people are like ants before you. Anything you want to do to them, you can, you will be able to. Especially when you grow older, but even now. Everyone is very lucky those muppets found you, and so you were brought here in time. We will take care to make your life good and fitting, so you never learn to hate people. It's the blessing of all time that you lived this long and never learned to". and I asked him what does he mean, but he said "Remember the Little Miss Sunshine ?" and I said just "Oh". and he said to me "You have to help, Princess. You have to do your part. You have to help us help you never learn to hate people. Promise, and swear". and I said "How do I even do that ?!" and he said "You must stay out of the way, you must always get out of the way and absolutely never go looking for it" and I asked "Stay out of the way of what ? What it ?" and he said "The sort of thing, the sort of situation where you learn to hate people". So I said "Oh, I never do that anyway". but he said "No, you warn them, you expect them to get out of your way. You stand your ground, and it is dangerous, because there's nothing more stupid than people, they have no idea what's going on or what words mean or what will happen, but they always think they do", and I said "Oh", but he said "Promise!" and I said "You want me to promise I'll always run away ?!" and he said no, he wants me to promise that I will bend, always, that I will let it go over me. He said I already feel it, inside, the dark pleasure, the joy of trampling myself under it.

I said to him "old man, you know too much". I really don't know why I said that, I mean what sense does it even make, but he was scared and he said "Forgive me, Princess". I really wasn't expecting that. But I said to him, "Let them work for their living too, why not ? Just like everyone else". and he said "May the good lord take mercy on our souls".

Then we were silent a long time and then I asked "Will you split us up ?" and he said "No". I asked how come and he said it would be just a stupid thing to do, but I said "You work for money, no ? What if it's more money in the parts ?" but he said it makes no difference, we're a windfall anyway, who cares about getting a little more money when a lot of money just walks over by itself and knocks on your door. So I said to him "Promise. And swear". but he said "The owner is coming to meet you, you can ask him to kiss your feet and everything else you want. Meanwhile I will cross out where it says 12 yo female and write out Divine Avatar instead", which means he thinks I'm a goddess. I think he maybe even wrote that for real, because he crossed something out harshly and wrote in his notes, and then he said "There's another thing, Princess". I took a deep breath and I said "Yes sir ?" He said I will be given a special treatment now, I will go to a vat, and there they will put a substance, like a mud on me, and that it contains a poison, a deadly poison, that seeps in through the skin. And I will have to lay there in that mud and let it seep into me all thorough and everywhere until I am saturated with it. And that I will know, because it gives a sweet taste in the mouth, very faint. I asked him "are you killing me now ?" and he said "Not yet. You will receive the antidote every day. Maybe". I asked him, "And if I don't take the antidote, I die ?" and he said "You have forty hours or so, it means you can almost skip one day. But it will get real bad towards the end". My tears came. I was so happy! I said "Thank you so much, sir". He was silent for a long time, and then he said "You're thanking me... you're..." but I told him, I said it's just like the hobble, only better. It's the best thing, I wish I knew how this is done because it's just the greatest thing!

He didn't say anything but the two big men lifted the lid off me and lifted me out of the box cage and led me out. We went through the tunnels a little bit but I forgot to count the steps, and then we turned left and we went into a spa! Doll was there, on the side of the jacuzzi, and she was so happy to see me! She said "Babydoll!" and I tried to run to her but it was hard with the hobble and I nearly fell, but she caught me in her arms. The two men left and closed the door behind them, and Doll said "Oh, you filthy, stinking, lovely girl!" and kissed my mouth and face many times. I told her "My colics are the worst". She said "Oh, let me help you out of this" but I said "No Doll, let me have it longer, it feels so helpless and so good inside". and she said "Yes Princess". Then we talked about what was in the room, I told her what we said. At some point she had an idea, she took hair pins from the shelf and put them on my nipples first, and then even on my bud. It hurt so bad, especially between my legs, I felt like the time I choked on cock, except it wasn't with air, but with fire, it made a warm sweetness rise up from my belly through my chest. And she told me if you move them they hurt even more, so I told her to move them when I felt it dull.

I asked her if she thinks I'm evil, and she said no Babydoll, but I told her the man was scared of me, and she said of course, men are always scared of whores. Then I told her about the poisoned mud, and she looked at me with real big eyes and said, oh no! Babydoll do you want to try to run away from here ? And I said no Doll, don't be silly, I wouldn't miss this for anything. She asked me if I wasn't affraid but I explained to her about the hobble, and how good it feels, and how happy it makes me to know it will be forever. Doll was just shaking her head and crying a little, and then took me by the shoulder into where this round shower cabin was hidden from the jacuzzi, and laid down on the floor on her back and said "Please Princess, sit your dirty cunt on my face and let me lick it clean for you". I was like yay! because omg, this made my day, the happiest day of my life. As I was kneeling myself down she said "And please pee once you're having it, pee on my face while you're having it Princess". She licked the hairpin off my bud, which really is called a clit, but I like to call it bud better. It hurt a lot, and then she licked me real good everywhere, and when I had it I let my pee go but I only had very little because of the purple glass. Doll licked it off the floor and rubbed her face in it, and told me she wanted it so bad, so bad, like ever since the day in the hotel with dogslave in the middle, she wanted so bad to just jump in there and push her face into my flow. I told her she's making me the happiest whore in the world, and she said Princess please let me be your slave. Please. But I said to her "You know you'll always be the boss of me, lovely Doll" and she said "No, no, let me be your slave like sisi and dogslave" and I said Ok! But on one condition. She asked what and I said I will tell you later, you have to agree but not know what it is. She told me she agrees to anything, and that I made her the happiest whore in the world too, and then she took my wrap and everything off except my hobble, and she had to take my stone out and wash it herself too, because I could sit on the toilet but my arms were much too sore to reach it. Then we showered, and then we hugged in the jacuzzi and then I told her. I said Doll, please let me kiss you. She looked at me, and she said "But Babydoll..." but then I said "You promised, slave". So she did! She sat on the edge and opened her beautiful legs wide and I kissed Doll for the first time on this day, and I will never forget it. I love Doll. I never wanted anything so much like I wanted to kiss her. I am so happy and so grateful that she let me do it finally, at long last. I will never forget how good it felt, how whole, how well my tongue fit into her and how good she tastes inside. Then someone came in.

Continued >>