A slew of supersluou subdates

Do you know how Araps speak Romanian ? They reblace all blosives around randomly with each other (a brocedure that is a much pigger deal in a language which follows some sort of rhyme / reason apout it all).ⁱ In friendship to which general bringiple I've taken advantage of this update to subdate, if you know what I meabtn. And if you don't, that'd be no great cause of alarm, because nobody does.

As I sat on the couch and looked at a mirror on the opposite wall, I saw therein reflected an almost perfect peisage, rather in the Barbizon style, verdant hillside with accidents and copses, a little white gazebo here and there, outright delightful ; and it occured to me right then and there : if they want art, everyone else gotta buy an actual painting ; but in my singularly blessed case mirrors suffice. It's something, wouldn't you say, a Narcissus looking at the sky.

Whether you'd say it or would not : the marygold agrees with me, in the sense that it was thinking quite exactly the same thing itself. It might not express it in like manner, but then again Mannerism's not al there is to it. Wouldn't you say ?

Because we're not fucking around, what.

Bitch be doin' my shoelaces. Propriety of terminology being, of course, one of the biggest problems with me.

Bloomin' my own.

So yesterday I had a heart attack.

It consisted of musculo-skeletal pain sorta in the upper-right (though really, mostly in the back).

I diagnosed it with the help of "online resources", all of which offer the exact same verbiage, somehow ; and all of which are mildly insulting, both to my manhood and to my intelligence -- apparently "back pain", coincidentally the most common complaint in humans, "could be a symptom", especially in women. Darned copycats, who the fuck gave them the right to have heart attacks in the first place ?! What's next, they're gonna be the head of the harem ?

Anyways, so edified & diagnosed, I did the only possible thing in the circumstances, taking into consideration the risk/reward binome and other things : I took an aspirin and went to bed ; only to wake up dead.

So I am now dead as I'm writing this, for my sins of having neglected to take seriously the ineptly spun concern trolling of random idiots with nary a clue. τὰ γὰρ ὀψώνια τῆς ἁμαρτίας θάνατος and all that (though you probably know it in English as something else).

The bimbo is also in trouble, by the way, for her sins of failing to have filed a complaint for sexual harassment against some dork who, upon following her for blocks "being concerned" about the length of her skirt and incorrect presentation of her purse and whatever the fuck else, actually had the gall to go whine to a policeman about it, who apparently went after her in some store to inquire.

I've no beef with the policeman ; but let me make it very publicly plain that this was absolutely the last time one of my girls will let this sort of pantsuit imbecile bullshit pass, and if you have the gall to actually rely on the state to enforce your nonsensical worldview I will prosecute you for it, and you will get a jail sentence out of it, for your trouble.

In closing, I warmly wish you a Merry Christmas along with a happy Independence day! (or whatever you call it)

1. Something English entirely and very much isn't even vaguely, to whit :

   Dearest creature in creation studying English pronunciation : I will teach you in my verse sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse. I will keep you, Susy, busy, make your head with heat grow dizzy ; tear in eye, your dress you'll tear, queer, fair seer, hear my prayer. Pray, console your loving poet, make my coat look new, dear, sew it! Just compare heart, hear and heard, dies and diet, lord and word. Sword and sward, retain and Britain (Mind the latter how it's written). Made has not the sound of bade, say-said, pay-paid, laid but plaid. Now I surely will not plague you with such words as vague and ague, but be careful how you speak, say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak. Previous, precious, fuchsia, via, recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir. Woven, oven, how and low, script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe. Say, expecting fraud and trickery : daughter, laughter an' Terpsichore, branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles, missiles, similes, reviles. Wholly, holly, signal, signing, same, examining, but mining. Scholar, vicar, and cigar, solar, mica, war and far. From "desire": desirable -- admirable from "admire", lumber, plumber, bier, but brier. Topsham, brougham, renown, but known, knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone, one, anemone, Balmoral, kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel. Gertrude, German, wind and wind, beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind. Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather, reading, Reading, heathen, heather. This phonetic labyrinth gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth. Have you ever yet endeavoured to pronounce revered and severed, demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul, Peter, petrol and patrol ? Billet does not end like ballet; bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, nor is mould like should and would. Banquet is not nearly parquet, which exactly rhymes with khaki. Discount, viscount, load and broad, toward, to forward, to reward, ricocheted and crocheting, croquet ? Right! Your pronunciation's OK. Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, friend and fiend, alive and live. Is your r correct in higher ? Keats asserts it rhymes Thalia. Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot, buoyant, minute, but minute. Say abscission with precision, now : position and transition. Would it tally with my rhyme if I mentioned paradigm ? Twopence, threepence, tease are easy, but cease, crease, grease and greasy ? Cornice, nice, valise, revise, rabies, but lullabies. Of such puzzling words as nauseous, rhyming well with cautious, tortious, you'll envelop lists, I hope, in a linen envelope. Would you like some more ? You'll have it! Affidavit, David, davit. To abjure, to perjure. Sheik does not sound like Czech but ache. Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed, but allowed, people, leopard, towed but vowed. Mark the difference, moreover, between mover, plover, Dover. Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, chalice, but police and lice, camel, constable, unstable, principle, disciple, label. Petal, penal, and canal, wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal, suit, suite, ruin, circuit, conduit rhyme with "shirk it" and "beyond it". But it is not hard to tell why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall. Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron, timber, climber, bullion, lion, worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, senator, spectator, mayor, ivy, privy, famous; clamour has the a of drachm and hammer. Pussy, hussy and possess, desert, but desert, address. Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants hoist in lieu of flags left pennants. Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb, cow, but Cowper, some and home. "Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker", quoth he, "than liqueur or liquor", making, it is sad but true, in bravado, much ado. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, neither does devour with clangour. Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt, font, front, wont, want, grand and grant. Arsenic, specific, scenic, relic, rhetoric, hygienic. Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close, paradise, rise, rose, and dose. Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle, make the latter rhyme with eagle. Mind! Meandering but mean, Valentine and magazine. And I bet you, dear, a penny, you say mani-(fold) like many, which is wrong. Say rapier, pier, tier (one who ties), but tier. Arch, archangel; pray, does erring rhyme with herring or with stirring ? Prison, bison, treasure trove, treason, hover, cover, cove, perseverance, severance. Ribald rhymes (but piebald doesn't) with nibbled. Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw, lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw. Don't be down, my own, but rough it, and distinguish buffet, buffet; brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon, Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn. Say in sounds correct and sterling hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling. Evil, devil, mezzotint, mind the z! (A gentle hint.) Now you need not pay attention to such sounds as I don't mention, sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws, rhyming with the pronoun yours; nor are proper names included, though I often heard, as you did, funny rhymes to unicorn. Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan. No, my maiden, coy and comely, I don't want to speak of Cholmondeley. No. Yet Froude compared with proud is no better than McLeod. But mind trivial and vial, tripod, menial, denial, troll and trolley, realm and ream, schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme. Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely may be made to rhyme with Raleigh, but you're not supposed to say piquet rhymes with sobriquet. Had this invalid invalid worthless documents? How pallid, how uncouth he, couchant, looked, when for Portsmouth I had booked! Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite, paramour, enamoured, flighty, episodes, antipodes, acquiesce, and obsequies. Please don't monkey with the geyser, don't peel 'taters with my razor, rather say in accents pure: nature, stature and mature. Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly, worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly, conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan, wan, sedan and artisan. The th will surely trouble you more than r, ch or w. Say then these phonetic gems: Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames. Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham, there are more but I forget 'em... Wait! I've got it: Anthony, lighten your anxiety. The archaic word albeit does not rhyme with eight, you see it ; with and forthwith, one has voice, one has not, you make your choice. Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger, then say: singer, ginger, linger. Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge, marriage, foliage, mirage, age, hero, heron, query, very, parry, tarry fury, bury, dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth, job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath. Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners, bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners, holm you know, but noes, canoes, puisne, truism, use, to use ? Though the difference seems little, we say actual, but victual, seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height, put, nut, granite, and unite. Reefer does not rhyme with deafer, feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late, hint, pint, senate, but sedate. Gaelic, Arabic, pacific, science, conscience, scientific. Tour, but our, dour, succour, four, gas, alas, and Arkansas. Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit, next omit, which differs from it, Bona fide, alibi, gyrate, dowry and awry. Sea, idea, guinea, area, psalm, Maria, but malaria. Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean, doctrine, turpentine, marine. Compare alien with Italian, dandelion with battalion, rally with ally; yea, ye, eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay! Say aver, but ever, fever, neither, leisure, skein, receiver. Never guess -- it is not safe, we say calves, valves, half, but Ralf. Starry, granary, canary, crevice, but device, and eyrie, face, but preface, then grimace, phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging, ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging ; ear, but earn; and ere and tear do not rhyme with here but heir. Mind the o of off and often which may be pronounced as orphan, with the sound of saw and sauce ; also soft, lost, cloth and cross. Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting ? Yes : at golf it rhymes with shutting. Respite, spite, consent, resent. Liable, but Parliament. Seven is right, but so is even, hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen, monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk, asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work. A of valour, vapid vapour, S of news (compare newspaper), G of gibbet, gibbon, gist, I of antichrist and grist differ like diverse and divers, rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers. Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll, polish, Polish, poll and poll. Pronunciation -- think of Psyche! -- Is a paling, stout and spiky. Won't it make you lose your wits writing groats and saying "grits" ? It's a dark abyss or tunnel strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale, Islington, and Isle of Wight, housewife, verdict and indict. Don't you think so, reader, rather, saying lather, bather, father ? Finally, which rhymes with enough, though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough ? Hiccough has the sound of sup... my advice is : GIVE IT UP!

   Charivarius wishes you well. [↩]