"This is the biggest mess this kitchen's ever seen!!!"

Thursday, 09 May, Year 11 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

I've been watching cunt (literally, you know what happens when you're looking at bent ass from behind ? the lips split as she moves ?) for the past fifteen minutes, while alternatively pouting and laughing my ass off.

How come, you ask ?

Well, let's see. I woke up, went downstairs to see who's up, found in the kitchen one (naked) bimbo very fucking excited to see me.

She had just finished doing a bunch of cleaning (the stove, the floor, stuff like that) so she was feeling very good about herself, poured some coffee and was just about to sit down for breakfast when I showed up. You know that contented feeling when you did things and they're now done, and you're just sitting around taking a breather and surveying the sparkling lands in your contented domain ? Well, the best thing that can possibly happen at this juncture would be for your Master to pop his head through the door.

"I'm sooo sticky. Eugh!!! I hate being sticky!"

So she bounces on me, and we kiss and coo and I ask her if anyone told her she's very cutei and then, for no reason I can explain, I decide as part of kissing and cooing Ima force her head flat on the countertop. Cuz I do this sort of thing, what! You don't ?!

I can't see it because her body's blocking it, but right in the spot where her head's intended to land rests this tall cup of milk coffee she's just poured herself. She's too overwhelmed to peepii, and everything's going by too fast anyway, so next thing you know...

All over the countertop, all over the floor under the countertop, all over the outside of the six drawers involved, also all over their insides, which of course includes all sort and manner of kitchen implement and utensil, and of course IN HER HAIR. Milk coffee, think you about it.

The ruckus roused the pet, whom I ambush in the upstairs bathroom as I'm going to fetch the laptop to write this all down (as I am now doing, see ?). She wants to know why am I so sad, and I recount the sad story, which makes her laugh and

"Why are you so weird!??!"

I dunno! It seemed like a good idea at the time! It's just the sort of thing one lovingly does in a kitchen! Isn't it ?

So we're all together down there again, "how can I help ?" and as I was saying, I'm watching their cunts as they bend this way or thatiii,

"Oh! This is fucked." "What ?" "The towel. It's cool though. It's all cool."

The towel's half soaked in brown, but what can you do ? Eventually the whole thing is done ("Oh, no, you want to get this and so like thus and therefore" "Oh." "Now guess how she knows that." "Hahahah") and we agree to have leftover Cluj cabbage for breakfast, so the crock of it gets reheated ("Oh, you guys are gonna have some ? I wasn't going to have any just by myself..." "So have some with us." "May I ?") and we're sitting around the table kidding around -- they're chiding me playfully, then get very roused when I look sad, run over to console me, then I'm consoled so they start over... kitchen table stuff, amirite.

After some of which,

"Did he glare at it like it had personally wronged him ?"
"Yes, he actually pulled that stool over, sat on it and glared at the spill for a minute."

and so on. What can you do ?!

  1. She's cute as a fucking button when in character, what can I tell you. But apparently nobody told her this before, aside from me -- nor did she have much chance to practice the character, evidently enough.

    People have no fucking idea what they're missing through failing to encourage people around in various unexpected "didn't even know this existed" ways. All the wank about "portions of brain going unused" pales when compared to the great mass of unused human talent, I'd be shocked if at any point in history a whole percent was ever excavated.

    And to think all the lossage is entirely driven by simplified, preconceived heuristic notions... []

  2. "What if I had somehow managed to have said something ?"
    "Likely the cup'd have been broken and you'd be in trouble."
    "Right ?" []
  3. Which perhaps informs the contemporaneously simultaneous forum comments... []
Category: Zsilnic
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2 Responses

  1. [...] that's done, you crack say five eggs atop the mess (depending, obviously, how much mess you've got in the first place), watch them slowly coagulate for a moment, then put the lid on the [...]

  2. [...] by that ancient sign ; or, as the Latin put it, tibi, lector, culus. ———And not without making trouble, either. [↩]What a pleasure it is, re-reading ancient Trilema bits and pieces. [...]

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