Financial turmoil directed by CNBC; a U.S. Presidential election so important that they are running a guy no one really ever wanted vs. a guy no one's ever heard of in an election subtitled "More of The Same vs. Less Of Everything." May you live in interesting times.
Here are five other things you don't want that are coming:
1. The return of pubic hair and mustaches.
The good times go with no hair; the bad times go with more hair.i I don't like it any more than you do, but we're about to be bombarded with Starsky and Hutch look-a-likes and the totally earnest use of the phrase "luxurious bush."ii I'm going to go throw up now.
2. Fashion trends:
2a. Dressing like elves.
As in the Hobbit, not Keebler. Brown boots, green leggings and oversized shirts/sweaters doubling as skirts.iii
Just as society finally recovered from the 50 year self-mutilation called pantyhose -- even the WSJ debated whether it was still required for the office -- it will soon be making a comeback. If anyone in the fashion industry is reading this, stop killing your children. No one should be wearing pantyhose unless they're about to rob a bank. Please, I beg you all, stop this.iv
3. Another terrorist attack: February 2009.
Maybe I'm cynical, but has anyone noticed recessions are ended by wars? And that the S&P 500 closed yesterday, October 7, 2008, at the same point it did ten years ago, October 7, 1998? Which was also the historical low of the LTCM disaster?v
Most recently 1989 S&L bailout lead to Gulf War I; and the scary similarity between the S&P500 pre 9/11 and now:
Of course, it could be domestic terrorism/riots/Presidential assassination attempt, which unfortunately seems likely as well.
4. Conspiracy Theories:
Like the above! Many of you will not be old enough to remember how the Nasca Lines, Lost Civilizations, Cryptobiology, JFK and Egyptology are connected, but they most assuredly are, as Mr. Spock explained to us, in 168 episodes of shroomy genius. And Erich von Daniken wrote 20+ books while the economy was crippled with stagflation.viii
Pick any show that's been running from 1995 to now. So many of them have seen ratings trend lower, except the WWE (formerly WWF before the panda patrol got testy.)ix
There was a surge when The Rockx and Stone Cold were on, but ignoring that period ratings have been stable for over a decade. And that doesn't account for growth in Europe.
As people lose their jobs and look for a choreographed release of their frustrations and prejudices, one might be tempted to smellxi what you know who is cooking. And the stock, also stable between 13-19 (now 15) now pays a 9.7% dividend. Take that Bank of America!
When your kid endows body parts with political significance and then tombstones his brother, you'll know I was right.xii
6. Mercantilism. Enough said.xiii
7. Secular humanism. In case your last experience with it was high school, let me point out that this is a bad thing, not a good thing. Yes, it's wonderful to have an ethical system free of religious foundationxiv and therefore premised in reason, or something, but what happens when the humanist's "reason" is in sharp contrast to the "reason" of the humanist with the tanks?xv
It also overlooks the historically indisputable point that human(ist)s like killing each other and themselves, and will do so with little provocation. Indeed, many actively seek out reasons to open fire. "We are no better than they are" (and why isn't that ever, "they are no better than we are?") is a popular refrain among those who haven't been on the wrong end of the not any worse they, but it makes choosing sides a lot more difficult when, well, you have to choose sides. And if the S&P500 chart is any indication, we're going to be needing to choose some sides pretty soon.xvi
Did you know Julian Huxley, eugenecist and brother of the author Aldous, was once an American Humanist Association's "Humanist of The Year?" So were Kurt Vonnegut, Margaret Atwood, Benjamin Spock, Isaac Asimov, Betty Friedan and John Kenneth Galbraith. Do you see the connection? They're all science fiction writers.———
- Off to a slow start, public pubic mounds still looking prepubescent in 2019 ; and likely forever.
I don't expect pubic hair on females is ever coming back, short of Apocalypse on such a scale as to also take out hot water as a going concern. Like it or not, the 12 year old look of the adult female is here to stay, like male pattern baldness and high heels. Corsets, nipple piercings and bellybutton ornaments may come and go on a cycle, but as it turns out shaved snatches, high heels and pony tails are perennial, gotta get used to it. [↩]
- A very slight male-beard revival did occur, but as a completely marginal hipsterism. [↩]
- Not really. There's some "sweatpants are ok on subway because I've seen some yoga instagrams/youtubes", there's also some "this tshirt is also my skirt" seen mostly at raves and other such late teenage sluterias, but otherwise nope, the "catniss bow fashion" caught on about as much as seinfeld's puffy shirt. Turns out nobody wants to be an elf pirate. [↩]
- Wtf is his problem ? I mean, I get it, the snatch should be always accessible, sure, thus stockings and garters rather than the cheap I-lose-at-life pantyhose thing. But bare legs belong on young teenagers : after they've started bleeding but before being discovered for usage (and, I suppose, on adult women too -- occasionally, for a romp or a caper).
PS. If you're going to put panties on (occasionally, for a romp, or a caper) please remember they go on AFTER the stockings, never before. [↩]
- This is broadly correct, however the war that'll end this perma-recession will consist of the re-colonization of the Americas (with the respective beheading of the hags & males and chain-slavery of all the cunt still young enough to retrain naturally and well). You know, like they did it in "Yugoslavia".
So far, seems nobody can be found that could be arsed to expend the GJoules in work a few hundred million beheadings require. Maybe in another decade. [↩]
- I kinda find his "stock market" posturing endearing, in a "look at the puppy, it opens doors!" kinda way. I am starting to suspect the whole "feel like a trader" thing was actually autobiographical. [↩]
- As a factual matter Bahamas was quite ready, eager, and willing : he swallowed it all, to the very pubic hair, and then blew bubbles from the nostrils. Then it went up his poopy hole, and then back up his craw again, and he blew slightly browner bubbles (is that racis to say, wanna-be black president blew brown nosebubbles?) and then again, this time slightly redder, and so on and back and forth. "America" shed more colonial empire to become a mere "the US" than the British empire shed to become "united" ; and faster, too!
- Nobody fucking read them. [↩]
- This turns out to have been a miserable prediction. Wrestling didn't come back in any sense ; it only survives ever so slightly in that some ex-carsalesman somewhere came up with the idea of hiring ex-strippers and doing a "female" version, which of course works out to being entirely indistinguishable from any other daytime TV drama / reality TV / etcetera -- it's still mostly dumb whores with nice racks "arguing" with each other -- but occasionally it comes out cheaper to produce, and so occasionally it's competitive. You can watch along in "sports" bars on the ground floors of the better brothels outside the zone and wherever else someone tunes on Fox Sports 3 or whatever it is (ie, nowhere else). You're not missing much, honestly.
Remarkable how tough the predictions racket is, huh! [↩]
- You know, we were in the subway today and I saw a particularly lulzy ad.
"Who the fuck is that ?", I ask.
"That's the Rock."
"Dwayne the Rock Johnson. And John Stratham."
"Holy shit it is. That poor fuck, Stratham. So Madge's boi (or was he QT's boi ?) made... well, he made a joke. And we laughed, and one of the props in it... well, it kinda caught on a life of its own. I mean, sure, people liked Turkish as a character, the British humour was toned down enough as to be socially acceptable... it was a thing. Poor schmuck's been doing that same one thing ever since then, he must've done twenty, fifty movies, who the fuck even knows. Poor him."
That's the situation : a movie set prop went zombie. Like, one of the buttplugs or double dongs or whatever left in the bowl labeled "used" started crawling around the room. First it's all "omfg, animated silicon!!!" but then... well... it doesn't really do anything, you realise ? Just sorta slithers arouind, back and forth, maybe it rolls over but then... back to the slither.
Within half hour at the most it's "Booo-ooring" and well... you know ?
What the fuck, who gives a shit about rocks now. [↩]
- Question : what does the author wish to make true ?
- Except why would I play genital lottery ? What, I can't just take the cunts I want, when I want some ?
- This is too complicated to get into ; suffice it to say that "we" is exclusive -- it's like saying "we are all poor now". Yes, you who are, are -- as you very well fucking should be. You choose to be poor, even though you pretend to not have chosen. We the rich are still rich, and no we don't have your problems, but then again we also give 0 shits, so yeah, down at the bottom "we" are all whatever the fuck. [↩]
- There was no religious foundation to anything man-made (by which we mean, European, white -- the various orcs & coloreds aren't in any sense people for the purpose of this conversation) at any point in history. Not ever.
The "religious" claptrap is how morons, coloreds, orcs and assorted marginals stuck in the colonies, margins, provinces and assorted shitholes cope with Man. The claptrap it may be perceived as subjectively important by them, much like junk is perceived as important by the junkie ; nevertheless it has no merit and absolutely no involvement in either the unfolding or the history of the unfolding of any kind of phenomena. [↩]
- He eats it. What did you think was gonna happen ? [↩]
- Aaactually... that window kinda closed. You already chose, pretty much. Best of luck and all that. [↩]