Holy shit, music videos

Friday, 02 August, Year 11 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

So there's this thing called M1, which plays... well, right now it's playing commercials, for diapers, girly facial corrector, washing machines...

But before, it played some derpy video about "all we need is one night in Dubai", incredibly thinly disguised real estate advertisement under a thick foundation of derpy dude with a single rose on a dungeon bed, lulz-fake beard as they have now, all that shit.

And after that, they played Inna -- holy shit she's gone downhill. She's speaking passible Castellano nowadays, which is not so bad for a hruscheba girl from Bacau ; but her hair looks like it's reconstructed out of recycled supermarket bags, and she's unhealthily skinny, like 30yos trying to compete with 15yos in 15yoishness -- always and everywhere an indelible mark of incredible vapidity. Seriously bitch, you regret highschool ?! That's when you peaked ? (Yes, that's when she peaked.) Anyway, the whole thing's sad, production values through the basement and this unyielding, burning camera trained on her non-stop while she tries to shake that skinny butt of hers and walks back and forth with a bike. Assembly line work looks like it'd be more fun than Inna's life.

But moving on (hey, by the way, this is quite fun!), the thing that made me even pull up the blogging infrastructure : Alle Farben & Ilira -- Fading. Shit's hysterical! So this facially pretty brunette in an interesting outfit (mostly because of the dual bun / horn hairdo thing) is doing the usual chick thing, when a fat dude with a lot of personality kicks in, pushes her around, total stalker is the idea, then security shows up but they turn out to be gay, start stripping and shit, then the "producer" (this derpy kid faking it till he "makes" it -- ) gives up and well... the woman... accomodates herself to the new situation. She was always on her back for Eastasia, wut. Delightful fucking video, I recommend it.

Then Thalia "Karol G" and a buncha fat latinas derped a bit about something called "punto he", which... you know it's a myth, right ?

Some Russian chick derping about nothing much, dorks, clubs, delobusiness, herpy derp the Runiverse ; then some other Latinai "toca me, toca me, dejeme sentir tu piel". Not bad tits, but why the fuck are they all so fucking short! The more Russki whatever, pomp and circumstance in an ad studio.

Aaand we're all caught up. I dunno what I'm looking at here, some black dudeii doing squaredancing and this notbad mulatto chick doing ass shakes / pretending he's her pimp and she's streetwalking. Whatevers.

O look, advertising. Something to fix your stomach after eating too much, something with a chick in yoga gear working out (selling water), something with a boat (selling soap), something with a dork (selling iced tea), something with a lot of costumes (selling phone plans), something with family tables (selling the local milk), something with whiteboard drawings (selling alt-medicine), something with weirdness (selling cuntcovers), something with hair (shampoo), something with sordid (selling some website). Holy shit they do a lot of advertising, these people, I only covered about 60% or so, at least a third are outright incomprehensible and besides, who types THAT fast. Something with exams (sells beer), and we're back...

... to more Russki pretense, great luxury and etcetera on a budget. I missed what just started, but it's a bunch of chicks in a line, they look like out of work lingerie models (and they're dressed like they expect their mula's watching). The "star" could do with less chocolate chip cookies, too, she's not hot she's just a little overweight. So fucking stupid they don't have overlays for this shit, what the fuck, am I gonna search for "If I back up can you handle" ?

Something looking distinctly Romanian just started, buncha old dudes around a cheap bar ; it's the story of how it sucks to be a young careerwoman barrista, which I suppose would be relatable, it's all of them. And they're all singers to boot, huh. Chick's fugly, too, which I suppose helps -- but why am I watching this shit ?! O look, they moved into the garage, such production values. This whole thing cost less to make than my hourlong visit to the local strip club, and yet it's dedicated to selling the exact opposite of sanity. Well... for as long as they can still summon the energy to keep telling each other this, I guess.

O look, it's a Ricky Rick or Micky Mark or whatever dude. Actually... I expect it's a new-samething, like Thalia earlier. Anyway, same shit different precious cuntlet, boats, beaches, swag you don't get, the usual. "Hands in the air we don't have no fear", like totallies. God will provide.

"There's a place in Miami where they heal your soul", bitch literally just opened with this. Holy shit, wat. For some reason the greenscreen artist put a buncha Arizona stock photos on there, no Miami outside of New Mexico ever looked like this -- but what's orclet cuntlet know. "They feel your glass with the deepest hope, I feel like I'm home". They really believe this shit, obviously enough ; and yes the chick's Romanian. I guess my fucktarded compatriots found themselves a new Microsoft, huh!

O look, "Bambola". Spoken partially in French, because why not, but you get the general idea -- nothing of the mind ever dies. Because it can't. Because how could it ? For as long as the mind's still there...

Anyway, I'm still not over the previous idiocy -- I suspect before I'm old I'ma end up having to apologize for the destructive effect Romania wrought upon the world around it. How the fuck is it they always wanna ally with, and promote the, worst shit everyone else comes up with ? That Microsoft conceivably'd never have been able to bridge the gap to India without Romanian engineers supporting it for that critical decade-and-a-half is sad enough, but seriously, pivoted into defending the imaginary orc "Miami" now ?! Drop fucking dead, holy shit, shameless shambling atrocities simulating humanity, bleergh.

O look, their advertising is exactly the same each time, like the stripper girls. You can probably learn the set-up by heart in a day, and then be good for... what, a week ? A year ?

Anyways, enough of this shit. This has been MP's Music Videos Hour. I don't intend to do it again.

  1. Elettra Lamborghini ft. Pitbull, who is this weird dude doing English, Italian and pretentious inserts ("buy" the Grammies bitch, really ? For what, a filled bun ?). []
  2. "Ne-Yo, Bebe Rexha & Stefflon Don - Push Back" []
Category: Zsilnic
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