MP's guide to getting crabs

Sunday, 03 June, Year 10 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

So I went to a nice place in the middle of nowhere. Because hey, what's the point of pristine nature, great beaches, jungle untouched by the axe of man, great views etcetera if you're not going to have your grappa and San Pelegrino and imported rum and cigars and on it goes, a lengthy list ?

Here, let's get on the same page :


Above, crocodile. He was quite friendly, and didn't even try to bite at all.

Below, nice place.


So we sit down, and the waitress wants to know how I learned Spanish. From girls, I tell her. She may not be particularly endowed, but sports a pretty smile if you look past the braces, and a great attitude. Attitude is pretty much the main thing, as you perhaps know, so I ask her where she learned English in exchange.

She admits that it was her novio, and she volunteers that she's got tired of it after three, almost four years. He did take her to see Florida (but not Europe), and he even showed up every 22 days to novio all over her! I propose that's kinda not enough for a young woman, and she agrees -- by the way if you're starting to get antsy let me put your itch to rest : the crabs are coming.

So I ask her if she'd like to go out with us, which she would, brings us free cake, does some research, finds the only thing happening that night anywhere there (karaoke, but of course) and so on.

Let's continue with the visuals. Underneath, the sea. Above, the girl. In between, the crabs.



Time for a short interlude, while I show you the birdy.

You have to be ready first.

Are you ready first ?

Alright, here goes...

The next thing is going to be... the birdy!

No, seriously.

Here :


Tee hee.

But let's continue our detour, down to the very beach depicted above :




Isn't it romantic ?

Not depicted, the cunnyrub bench, somewhere further up the path. It's glorious, basically a bench overlooking a three hundred meter drop through the jungle into the ocean, where you can spread your knees and rest your back while I play with your clit.

Care are clit. Cacare n-are...

But anyway, enough peristalsis, let's get to the crabs. Here you are :




Above and below : craci, the crabby habitat. Do you know how "to spread your knees" goes in Romanian ? I bet you don't. Or rather -- I bet you didn't.



Above and a coupla below : spurious beach shots. Because I can, cun't I.



Finally we are ready to get crabs in earnest.

The first thing you need to get crabs (the MP way) is an erect stick.

It doesn't have to be very big, nor does it have to be all that straight. It's even ok if it's wet.

You grab it firmly in hand, and you apply it insistently into the crack. As depicted :


Eventually you extract the crab. You can place it where hair goes, such as for instance your hat. The legs are naturally scarlet.




Above : further spurious beach shots. Ain't it pretty tho ?

Below : spot the lifeform. Tip : it's slippery and wet. Pro tip : schlllllurrrp.




Above : crab not yet got awaits its getting. Take hold of your stick and stuff it in the hole.

Below : Yes.






Above : tree impersonates reptile.

Below : I don't have have ni puta idea what the fuck this is. It appears rather like what some aliens might imagine a totally unremarkable earthling fly-bug-thingee might look like, because they read so in their bok. The damn thing ~actually flies~, too! Anyone know what this is ?



Antigoat tree waves you good-bye. So do I.

PS. I am happy to report Rae is well on her way to enslavement ; which she's both aware of, perfectly happy with, and entirely unaware of. How does she manage this ? She's female, what!


Category: La pas prin lume
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16 Responses

  1. That fine, bushy tailed bug you found is probably a juvenile nymph of some unknown species of plant hopper (Fulgoromorpha/Fulgoroidea). Quite the strange beast. Juvenile forms (that may differ markedly from the adults) are often not well-known or well-studied except by specialists in a particular insect Order. The excellent goat- and messiah-killing tree is Black Palm (Astrocaryum standleyanum) and it is a constant hazard for anyone operating in the area; once had a friend whose training partner paused and leaned up against such a tree to catch their breath--following the emergency evac, they still managed to get some sort of blood poisoning. Nasty stuff.


  2. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    Mircea Popescu 
    Sunday, 3 June 2018

    O hey, that's a good theory. Looks a lot like say Issidae.

    Thanks for dropping by!

  3. mei dar cum trec anii astia mai Banderas mai. ce frumos ierai si ceai ajuns.

  4. Anonimosu`s avatar
    Anonimosuinsigna de prim sositinsigna de tehnolog 
    Sunday, 3 June 2018

    Inainte era frumos, acu e barbos...

  5. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    Mircea Popescu 
    Sunday, 3 June 2018

    Las' ca-s frumoase fetile si pentru mine, mei preocupatilor mei. Ce mai atita deranj.

  6. Jeff Owens`s avatar
    Jeff Owens 
    Monday, 4 June 2018

    MP -

    I'm about 6 weeks into reading through as much of the logs and blog as can be properly digested in said time. Frankly, I often have to stop reading --full stop --because the learning process is like taking a liver shot from Bas Rutten, and then needing time to recover. (No one ever *really* recovers from a Bas Rutten liver shot.)

    Unlike Pete D. (Trilema hurt my head on-and-off for nearly a year. Then it hit me like a shit-ton of bricks.)... "it" hit me immediately.

    I say all this as a means of introducing myself and expressing gratitude. Mulțumesc for your work, sir. Sincerely.

    While I still have quite a way to go regarding the instructions given for contributing to the Republic (6 months of text excavation, and so forth.), I thought I'd swing for the fences immediately.

    My significant other is from TMSR and we'll be visiting there in a few weeks to attend the Christening of her God-daughter. If, perchance, you're around then, may we meet you?

  7. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    Mircea Popescu 
    Monday, 4 June 2018

    What does this mean, "is from TSMR" ?!

  8. Jeff Owens`s avatar
    Jeff Owens 
    Monday, 4 June 2018

    TMSR = Timișoara.

    More precisely, from Billét.

  9. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    Mircea Popescu 
    Monday, 4 June 2018

    I see.

    In general TMSR stands for The Most Serene Republic. It's true that at some point I lived in Timisoara, but I left for Buenos Aires many years ago.

    I'm guessing you didn't get to those portions in the logs yet ?

  10. spartacus`s avatar
    Monday, 4 June 2018

    @Jeff Owens you the tax guy?

  11. Jeff Owens`s avatar
    Jeff Owens 
    Monday, 4 June 2018

    No sir, I did not. Shit.

    OK, well thx for your reply.

    Viva La Serenissima!

  12. Anonimosu`s avatar
    Anonimosuinsigna de prim sositinsigna de tehnolog 
    Monday, 4 June 2018

    Ahahaha what the fuck is that.

  13. Jeff Owens`s avatar
    Jeff Owens 
    Tuesday, 5 June 2018

    @spartacus - No.

  14. Acu' e fan ZZ Top (Gimme All Your Lovin').

  15. I see what you did here! Nice.

    Peisajele is parca de pe un taram fermecat. Silueta feminina ii faina. Crabisorii simpatici.
    Ce-i cu pensionarul ramolit de la final?

  16. Mircea Popescu`s avatar
    Mircea Popescu 
    Thursday, 7 June 2018

    Cintareata cheala.

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