Dies irae

So the fucktardsⁱ destroyed Dies irae, and this before anyone made an even vaguely acceptable English version. Let's record & fix, as the Republic always does.

Dies irae, dies illa solvet saeclum in favilla, teste David cum Sibylla.
Days irate, those days impending, solving centuries in censer, David and the Sybil censor.ⁱⁱ

Quantus tremor est futurus, quando Judex est venturus, cuncta stricte discussurus!
What a tremblor future renders, when the Judge finally ventures his sentence on all adventures.

Tuba mirum spargens sonum per sepulchra regionum, coget omnes ante thronum.
When the trumpet breaks resoundingⁱⁱⁱ in the abstract place sepulchral, calling all to hypaethral.^iv

Mors stupebit et natura cum resurget creatura, judicanti responsura.
Death is knocked, thus leaving nature^v in all forms resurge undaunted, making answer to the judgement.

Liber scriptus proferetur, in quo totum continetur, unde mundus judicetur.
Freely written yet prophetic^vi, book most trite and yet poetic, to the whole world exegetic.

Judex ergo cum sedebit, quidquid latet apparebit: nil inultum remanebit.
As the Judge thus takes his seating, shade recedes from all the hiding, nothing left untouched remaining.

Quid sum miser tunc dicturus? Quem patronum rogaturus, cum vix justus sit securus?
What should misery be pleading? Who for me be interceding, when no greatness stands unneeding ?

Rex tremendae majestatis, qui salvandos salvas gratis, salva me, fons pietatis.
King of majesty tremendous, you who save with gracious mending, source of help, I need your helping!

Recordare, Jesu pie, quod sum causa tuae viae: ne me perdas illa die.
Oh remember, Jesus faithful, that I caused your progress painful ; lose me not on day most baleful.

Quaerens me, sedisti lassus ; redemisti Crucem passus ; tantus labor non sit cassus.
Faint and weary, yet you sought me ; through the cross my flesh you bought me ; all that labour lost ? It can't be!

Juste Judex ultionis, donum fac remissionis, ante diem rationis.
Righteous Judge, for dark pollution now, not then I seek ablution, ere the day of retribution.

Ingemisco, tamquam reus ; culpa rubet vultus meus ; supplicanti parce, Deus.
Now I cry because I'm evil ; my cheek carries fault primeval ; spare me god in the upheaval!

Qui Mariam absolvisti, et latronem exaudisti, mihi quoque spem dedisti.
By that whore you have once shriven, by that thief that you've forgiven, hope for me you've also given.

Preces meae non sunt dignae ; sed tu bonus fac benigne, ne perenni cremer igne.
By itself my prayer's nothing ; yet your goodness makes it clothing ; don't leave me in fire writhing.

Inter oves locum praesta et ab haedis me sequestra, statuens in parte dextra.
Among sheep a place assign me, from the goats^vii sequester me, on the right side emplace^viii me.

Confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis, voca me cum benedictis.
When the cursed are all confounded and to acrid flame aducted call me out among the blessed.

Oro supplex et acclinis, cor contritum quasi cinis, gere curam mei finis.
I argue humbly and inclined, heart contrite, almost cindered, manage me when I'm dead.

Lacrimosa dies illa, qua resurget ex favilla, judicandus homo reus. Huic ergo parce, Deus.
Tearful day that'll be, when resurgent from the ashes, Bogaboo is to be judged. For which I pray, O lord.

It is not my fault that English rhymes poorly ; but it is your fault you're not squeezing the scant milk it has to give.

1. Here's Annibale Bugnini, a most Timothy Williamson character, "explaining" "the rationale" :

   They got rid of texts that smacked of a negative spirituality inherited from the Middle Ages. Thus they removed such familiar and even beloved texts as Libera me, Domine, Dies irae, and others that overemphasized judgment, fear, and despair. These they replaced with texts urging Christian hope and arguably giving more effective expression to faith in the resurrection

   Yes ? [↩]

2. What can you do, names are names, will break your order or break your flow. [↩]
3. The trumpet here is the agent, breaking ; what breaks is the resounding, itself and verily. [↩]
4. Yeah, I can rhyme "sepulchral". What now.

   Should be read apart, hypa-ethral, rather than (in the latter fashion) together, because I don't want to put the "the" in there. Brings out the shine in "all" better this way anyway. [↩]

5. That's the fucking point fucking everyone seems to miss here, it's not "death and nature", it's "death ... therefore nature", the continuating aspect of the conjunction. Learn some fucking Latin sometime or other! [↩]
6. Yes ? The word for "book" is "liber" for some fucking reason, that has A LOT to do with these very considerations and jack-shit to do with your notions of "what a book is". Because what a book is isn't anything, and these people came up with it in the first place. [↩]
7. Hades, see, is ambiguous. The sheep-goat dichotomy is deeper than you realise. [↩]
8. Statuens almost means "by statute", as in "statutory rape" -- something that specifically didn't happen but "we" pretend it did anyway. Quite the lulzy verse. Hysterical, really, to eyes disinclined from pious fraud. When's the last time you understood the implications of your all-consuming desire of being an inexistent sheep ? [↩]