The Storied Cupcake and other stories

Friday, 24 February, Year 9 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

The Cupcake Necromancers lived forever (obviously!) in the enchanted town they had built for themselves out of tin shapes and thin batter. It contained exactly twelve buildings : a squarish Doom Tower with a skull atop, a Dark Cellar which inexplicably came in the shape of a pink square with a red domed roof and small towers on two of the four corners, a Haunted Woods which consisted of one single but very contorted tree vaguely reminescent of a charred juniper bush embodied through licorice, a Quartz Crypt in the approximate shape of a werewolf statue that had rolled down a (small) flight of stairs, a Monolith which was very much like an Aztec temple with a lemon slice atop, a Bloodboil Forge with a hard candy hand coming out of a pool of strawberry sorbet, an Iron Pit consisting of a tribal hut with tiny skulls hanging off the fence, a two-slab Graveyard, an anthill like Cavern, a Necroden which was little more than a scary sorceress head mounted on a little cupcake stand with doors and a strange dais coming up to the roof and serving no discernable purpose on the side, the Hell's Gate which inexplicably was a building of its own and then of course the Adumbral Altar which'd best not be mentioned. A Golden Tree also grew nearby, but having been added later it didn't count among the twelve buildings making up the Cupcake Necromancer Town.

So equipped, the Cupcake Necromancers rode the Schmuckelodeon Express to many adventures, which provided them with endless supplies of rare, sought after items such as the Bloodgel Necklace, which surprisingly didn't contain any aspic, King Bardor's Gem, which was shaped like a plunger, the Ashen Shadow, emanating a bright, greenish-orange inner light with sludge overtones, the Bloodstroke Emblem, representing a bloodstroke, the Star Scarf, a solid red field with no other markings, the Ring of Devastation, known for fitting on no known finger, the Spiked Beetle Charm, which was great for sitting on chairs or the Oculus of the Evil Eye, entirely indistinguishable from a plain sugar cube but by the most versed arcanologists (which accounted for its great rarity). But best not go into much detail on this score, as the items involved are pretty dangerous not to even mention the spellcasting.

In their free time the Cupcake Necromancers enjoyed unicorn rides, which the unicorn Kehilan was moderately happy to provide in exchange of a considerable bale of candied cotton, and raised various pets, such as the Rusted Meshweaver, for all practical purposes a reanimated bundle of sheepsteel. It did tricks!

The Cupcake Necromancers also enjoyed spinning roulette wheels, which for no discernible reason came in a square shape, as well as feeding individual grains of rice to really tiny chickens, counting pebbles, matching various incomprehensible images together by hermetic criteria according to apocriphal recipes, watering various plants which didn't necessarily take water to grow (nor did any growing as far as anyone could tell), and digging around in the gold cave which somehow had found its way high up on a relatively tall (but very conical) tree.

While all this was going on, a war raged, pitting the Necromancers against a different confisserie faction which is not legal to name. The end.

Category: Cuvinte Sfiinte
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