Republican Flight Manual

Monday, 09 October, Year 9 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

That these are unordered is not a bug, it's a future.

  • All take-offs are optional. All landings are mandatory.
  • Flight is not inherently dangerous ; crashes are.
  • Propellers are nothing more than large fans, installed there to keep the pilot cool. This is readily verified if they ever stop : the pilot starts sweating.
  • When in doubt during flight, keep altitude. No one has yet managed to crash into sky.
  • A good landing is one you can walk out of. An excellent landing is one which leaves the machinery involved in a repairable state.
  • Learn from the mistakes of others, you won't live long enough to make them all yourself.
  • If you need full engine power to taxi, it's possible you landed wheels-up.
  • Operating aircraft in perfect safety requires the minute observation of three simple rules. Unfortunately nobody has yet figured out what exactly they are.
  • Helicopters can't actually fly, they're merely so ungodly ugly the Earth is actively repulsed.
  • If all you can see is a spinning horizon and all you can hear is excited screaming, it is conceivable the flight is not proceeding as planned.
  • In the constant confrontation between man-made objects hurling themselves down at speeds of hundreds of kilometers per hour and the Earth hurling itself up at zero kilometers per hour, the Earth is still making progress.
  • Proper thinking comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience comes from improper thinking.
  • Everyone starts with a pouch full of good luck and an empty experience tank. The trick is to fill the latter before you empty the former.
  • "My first life didn't like to fly either" is a fine label for the parachute hatch.
  • Flying a plane is a lot like riding a bicycle. With some practice you can even stick baseball cards in the spokes.
  • The odds against there being a bomb on your plane are significant ; but the odds against being two bombs on any plane are even greater. Next time you fly don't forget to pack a bomb for safety.
  • There's a strict relation between the intensity of turbulence and the temperature of coffee.
  • The common man is actually better equipped for flying on his own power than he is for making up his own mind.
  • It's all in the cards : if you down a lot of enemy planes they'll call you an ace, if you down a lot of your own planes they'll call you a joker.

As you can probably guess, this is a work in progress.

Category: Cuvinte Sfiinte
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