I love her, or, Collection des billets-doux cca 2017.

Me to her :

Mkay, I guess I must be the most generous person alive or something, because I'm gonna let you off the hook.

Here's what you do : you buy yourself a good half pound of bitch kibbles and a metal doggy dish. At 1 you go have lunch, wherever you normally go. You ask for water, you set down your dish, you fill it and you eat it. No forks, no hands, let everyone see what a bitch you've been. If anyone asks, you tell them, that you've been punished for not asking a girl back to your room. Beg them not to kick you out if it comes to it. Once this is done, you're back among people. Proceed to meet your girl, close a place Monday, all that jazz.

Don't make me think myself foolish in retrospect.

Her to me :

I did my penance, first at the vietnamese restaurant where I met the black gal. They didn't say anything except asking if I wanted to order, then I asked the waiter if he'd pour more water for me (be brought a big carafe and two little glasses) because I couldn't use my hands, and I was being punished for not asking a girl up to my hotel room last night. He said he didn't want the customers to be bothered, I said I'd try to hurry and please let me stay and finish. He came back a few minutes later when I was ~halfway through and asked me to leave, I begged him to let me stay, he said it was disgusting and getting too weird and insisted I leave, so I left. I went to the hotel's restaurant, (il gatoparro, alain delon portrait observing everywhere, i've eaten there, more often even). Waiter asked me immediately what was with the dog food, I told him I'm a lifestyle slave and being punished for not asking a girl up to my room last night, and I have to finish this dog food, could he please bring me some water? They let me stay and finish, it was very difficult (226g is a lot in bone meal/asshole terms), I ate every kibble, I am very humble and thankful for the very generous reprieve. Meanwhile Kendy has confirmed, and I'ma go do a good job of not holding back. I hope you've rested well. I love you.

Her offense, for the record, was the obviously high crime of not being sufficently forward with girls she had just met. This is a thing, somewhere.

I'm in love, what can I tell youⁱ. It's a great way to be.

1. I can tell you that obedience is the most important sexual characteristic by a very wide margin. [↩]