The anal child

Monday, 23 March, Year 7 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

The anal child is a core concept for any possible understanding of the contemporaneous derpage. The article bellow - originally published in Romanian - aims to do it justice.

The anal child denotes, literally, a child that not only discovered, like any child, the pleasure incumbent in the control of his own bowel movements, but on top of that, and unlike all other children, remains stuck there. First he doesn't go to drive mommy nuts, or goes suddenly to surprise her, and going from there he constructs his social interactions on the basis of this anal paradigm.

In the more common, and somewhat metaphoric sense of the term, the anal child is that unsufferable and unsuffered type that tends to prove to you that "because anyway". The concrete details make little difference, for the pivot, the common point is this "because anyway". Of school age he'll prove to you that there's no point in making him read the derivation rules, because anyway he won't know them. Or that there's no point in his knowing, because anyway he won't apply what he knows. Or that there's no point in applying, because anyway it won't "come out right". Whatever's in discussion, his position is that no matter, because anyway. As an employee he'll prove to you that there's no benefit in safety training, because "accidents happen" anyway, and he's more than willing to put his eye in the way of a pneumatic press to prove this point. He's willing to do absolutely anything it takes if only he gets to keep the delusion of control dreamed up by his sphincter-centered mind.

Properly speaking, the anal child proposes to anyone a very strict gambit, that can only be resolved educatively through total investment. The correct pedagogical method is the application of violence : he must be beaten until he passes out. Literally, faints. When he wakes up, without further ado, beaten up again until he passes out. At no point may be allowed any sort of communication, beat him without mercy and without interest, without discussions, without consideration. You are not interested in what it may have to say, it doesn't matter how it's trying to rationalize its "because anyway" bullshit. Hit it like the sack of shit it is, in complete disregard of any possible considerent outside the nude geometry of his corpse. Until he passes out. When he comes to, burn him with a red hot poker. Until he passes out. When he comes to, beaten. Until he passes out. When he comes to, beaten, until he passes out.

The cycle ends either in the death of the individual (preferably) or else in his complete depersonalization (rarely). There is no question of communication, discussions, promises, agreements. The anal child does not exist, as an individual. He's a failed attempt, his body must be reset in the most hardware sense of the term. Once he's puked blood, bile, guts, his soul and everything else, once he's a completely empty recipient, if there's anything left you can restart socialisation, at the approximate age of three years, but with a spiked club kept within reach and visible for at least the first decade or so.

The odds of success are maybe one in ten, and given the vast abundance of genetic material already fenotypically manifested that surrounds us, it's pretty clear that never, and I do mean never, will it be economically feasible to try and reeducate an anal child. The costs are simply unjustified by the possible benefit : you require dungeons, chains, a mile of leather strap and half a ton of switches for what exactly ? For a ticker that says "pull another one", practically speaking, that's all you get, a man, like there are ready made seven to eight billion on planet Earth. There's no point wasting your time and breaking your hands re-educating this sort of abhorrence.

And so the rational behaviour, once the anal child identified, is rejecting him clearly and pointedly, if you're responsible for it, and systematically ignoring it otherwise. Fire it if it's your employee, send it packing if it's your lover, give it up for adoption if it's your child, expell it if it's in your class, whatever the situation may be, out and good cheer.

No matter how intolerable the correct response may sound to you, I can assure you that all alternatives are strictly worse. But if you insist on disagreeing and want to try out an experiment, I am more than curious to hear how it went. Makes for excellent idle chat, at any rate.

Category: Trilenciclopedia
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7 Responses

  1. [...] « The anal child [...]

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  4. [...] to interiorize his complete and absolute lack of recourse. Failure of this interiorization breeds the anal child in the feminine. [↩]Perhaps because in typical progretardation, the male characters are even [...]

  5. [...] Unicode is fucking stupid - the definitive article. Tuesday, 29 November, Year 8 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu This piece isn't going to focus on the technical reasons Unicode is stupid, because if it's not directly obvious to you that a data structure may not include an "encoding" ie its own interpretation rules, there's very little that can be said to help youi. You must be beaten, often and hard. [...]

  6. [...] Unicode is fucking stupid - the definitive article. Tuesday, 29 November, Year 8 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu This piece isn't going to focus on the technical reasons Unicode is stupid, because if it's not directly obvious to you that a data structure may not include an "encoding" ie its own interpretation rules, there's very little that can be said to help youi. You must be beaten, often and hard. [...]

  7. [...] you haveiv one of these, beat her. Hard. [...]

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