So the broomstick fired.

By pure coincidence, just as desperation drove the USGavin-USHearn scamcoin to a before-schedule launch under the thick storm clouds of public ridicule, a well known scam masquerading as a Bitcoin exchange crossed the wire and started giving away free "Bitcoin"ⁱ :

kakobrekla ;;ticker
gribble Bitfinex BTCUSD ticker | Best bid: 204.25, Best ask: 175.84656934, Bid-ask spread: -28.40343, Last trade: 187.25, 24 hour volume: 50551.56244909, 24 hour low: 225.03, 24 hour high: 258.5, 24 hour vwap: None

The total damage they will have to cover for is at the least the 100`000 Bitcoin they supposedly traded in in the interval * the 60 or so dollars between 175 and 235ish, which comes to a cool six million, plus whatever damages the fraudulently liquidated parties may wish to excise out of them, plus the difference they owe anyone who had orders in the book that should have been executed but were not. But it's cool, I'm sure the handlers' promises are good and Yellen will run the press an extra microsecond to cover for Bitcoinicafinex, too. You know, just like they promised they'd do for their MtGox tool, now sleeping ad libitum in a Japanese jail. Let's call it a "non-dilutive investment round", because what are words for if not to call things!

Back in the field, the broom might well have fired, but its firing did nothing past the amusement of the show. They'd have had better results if they spent that money on Adsense already. What exactly was the plan, were we going to all panic and what, give a shit about your stolid, overextended existence ? Suddenly, somehow, you were going to be the spearhead of civilisation and the shield of the faith again or something ? Good luck, heh. That place's long lost for your ilk.

Does it suck to be the loser with clay feet ? I wish to know, my imagination fails me, I can't see the world through this set of eyes. Does it suck to be regularly humiliated, on a daily basis, for years running, by... by whom exactly ? We don't even exist, right ? Congrats USG, playing alone on the field in your own mind and losing every time.

Idiots.

PS. Dear anon derp : go ahead, use web wallets, "trade" "Bitcoins" on Bitfinex, answer "legitimate" KYC questions, pay your taxes, read the newspaper, and dream about how you're still going to get to participate in the future. Someone's going to save you a spot. Someone you never met, someone you didn't bother to know, magically, for no reason, is going to think warmly of you. And save you a spot. Because you're just that special - not only in your own mind but universally - and because it's never happened before that lemmings got left out of the movie. Not like, ever...

Update :

Apparently they didn't pay up.

1. This isn't the entirety of comedic "measures" the inept wanna-be financial power has arrayed, either. The twerps running "coinwallet" came out with a very lulzy

   we "attacked" Bitcoin earlier which did nothing but then we had to stop when our server crashed - we'll be back and it'll matter then! You'll see!

   As if anyone who isn't paid per post even gives a shit about web based Bitcoin wallets anymore. [↩]