Slutennis

Since the idjits "in charge" (hey, they think so) of that Most Noble Sport Of Girly Yelps are "reforming" and "improving" and "refining" the spec and so forth, I think it's high time the entire thing be forked, so they can go into the night of irrelevancy that beckons them, and we can continue to enjoy sluts on the field for all it's worth.

In that spirit and as a first step, I have a proposal for an updated uniform for female playersⁱ. Henceforth all uniforms will consist of :

1. Shoes with vertical solid steel heel equal to one inch + ~0.9x times the measured length of the woman's feet sole, from tip of toes to end of heel, so that her foot will be at all times at an angle from the vertical equal to her age. Thus, a sixteen year oldⁱⁱ will have her heels fitted to a factor of 0.961261696, whereas a twenty-two year old will have her heels fitted to a factor of 0.927183855. The shoe also includes a universally equal one inch platform for the toes, so think ballerina shoes with heels. The front strap, made out of foot hugging stretch material will start above the separation of the toes - it is strictly forbidden for the front strap to cover any part of the front of the toe! - and continue past the ankle. The toenails must be painted in a matching color.
2. The skirt will consist of a short ruffle starting from the waistline, provided that it does not cover the pubic bone to any degree in front, and leaves the beginning of the cleft of the buttocks exposed in the back. Side ruffles may extend past the hip joint.
3. Any sort of panties are strictly forbidden, with the exception that women on their period may wear an internal tampon provided its string is clearly visible outside the body and labelled descriptively on a special tag.
4. Players that have never won the cup on the particular venue being played will wear anal inserts ending in a fluffy white bunny tail, in the shape of a half sphere made of natural latex and covered with natural white rabbit fur, three and a half inches in diameter. Players that have won the cup on the particular venue being played will wear anal inserts ending in a luscious fox tail, fire red with white apex. The anal inserts will be solid stainless steel, of sufficient girth and size to accomodate the woman's sexual habits so that the tail may be carried safely without being lost, and in no case to weigh less than three ounces. Losing one's tail during play signifies surrender to the other side.
5. The breasts will be constrained in a fully transparent, rigid acrylic mold quarter inch thick, so that no part of the bosom is exposed to the atmosphere, secured firmly in the back and over the shoulders so that no movement of the breast is possible. The players may mold their own shapes, but may not wear anything whatsoever underneath.
6. Players will wear a posture collar made out of steel reinforced leather that prevents any movement of the head separate from the rest of the body. On either side of the posture colar, over the head right in front of the ear and over the jaw articulation, steel prongs will connect to animal ears worn on the head : bunny ears for the bunnies, fox ears for the foxes. The ears will similarly be made out of silicone rubber covered in the corresponding natural fur.
7. Players will wear a ball gag, made out of soft rubber, the same diameter as the length of their big toe. Any yelping they can get done past that is allowed.

And the victory cups will be, of course, penis shaped. And the presentation ceremony will consist of the winners sitting on their winnings, of course. (Normally or anally, at their option and by their preference - if they wish to preserve vaginal virginity for marriage for instance, or for any other reason.)

Wouldn't you watch a sport like that ?

1. The fact that men also plays tennis remains to this day an unexplainable mystery, it's almost like those flying fish things. Wtf nature, seriously ?! [↩]
2. Yes of course sixteen year olds can play. Try one if you have any doubts. [↩]