In case you're curious how I spent Saturday night, I took a girl on beautiful red heels to a place where women drag nude boys around by a rope attached to their cock, and where they organise "peleadas de masoquistas" which consist of naked boys and harnessed girls taking turns at beating the shit out of each other "until first blood or anyone cries uncle". And I gazed at the waitress' boobies, and then when she looked at me I went "hey, they're nice" and she retorted with a nod and a "Yep, that's what they're for" - imagine that! And in due time I had the girl strip which bared her cunt which is a huge taboo in that place (imagine this, even the mosh pit has the venerable institution of the taboo) and tied her up on a cross and tried out other people's beating implements on her ass and matambre and belly and slightly tits, and then sat around a bit and then had her suck my cock and then turned her over and fucked her more ferarum which is what homo homini lupus are (or in Romanian : capra nu te nasti, capra te puii ) which was both enjoyable and her first public experience, and then that was it. Well she cleaned me out, obviously - by the way, do you know that in all campaign situations it is the job of the woman to lick your condom off and your penis clean after intercourse ? So now you know.
|Foaie verde ca aluna,||Green leaf of theiii hazel tree|
|Si-aseara fusei la una,||Last night I was by one's|
|Un' se duce toata lumea,||Where everyone goes|
|Unde ma duc totdeauna.||Where I always goiv|
|Sa traiasca mama ta!||May your mother live happily|
|C-a stiut ce legana!||For she knew what she was raising|
|Te-a leganat cu piciorul,||She rocked your craddle with her foot|
|Si din gura ti-a dat dorul!||And her mouth gave you the anguishv|
|Ti-a dat apa cu ulciorul||She gave you water from the clay pot|
|'Ti dete fata ca bujorul!||So your face's like Paeonia officinalisvi|
|Sa iubeasca cine-o vrea||So who sees you falls in love|
|Eu mi-am iubit partea mea!||But I say I loved my share|
|Sa iubeasca cine-o vrea||Let whoever's short love more|
|Eu mi-am iubit partea mea!||For I say I've loved my share|
|Mi-am iubit partea de femei,||Loved my share out of the women|
|Si mai am o doua trei!||Except two or three perhaps|
|Mi-am iubit partea de neveste||Loved my share out of the wivesvii|
|Si mai am pe cea de fete!||But I'm left with girls untouched|
|Maica, taica, cand s-a luat,||Mother, father when they got caught.viii|
|Mie nastere mi-a dat,||And gave me birthix|
|Si Gheorghita m-a botezat,||And Gheorghita they set my name|
|Si pe nume m-a strigat,||And then by that name called mex|
|Si mi-a zis si Zavaidoc,||And they nicked me Zavaidoc|
|Toata lumea arde-n foc!||Let the whole world burn in flames|
|Tantica, ce buze ai!||Constance, what lips you've got|
|Si nu stii cui sa le dai,||And you know not whom to give 'em|
|Si-ale mele tot asa,||Mine are the same thing too|
|Hai sa-ncepem dragostea!||Let us start the loving soon|
So there you go. Seems there's a lot more to this world than you'd ever know.
PS. For the sheer comedy gold value of it, the backing of that same library card :
In print : a whole night counts as two numbersxi, for multiple numbers there's a discount.
In longhand : Upon payment of the subscription, please also send the balance of 5 leis for the previous one.
Signed ? One Ionescu, a woman. THE ENTREPRENEUR.———
- Roughly "you aren't born a goat, you set yourself the goat", which uses the dual meaning of goat to denote either a senselessly stupid woman or the particular fucking position, and thus underline the important difference that one is voluntarily assumed, which is a point of major philosophical import (like most vulgarity in that splendid language) because it underlines the one and the only difference between smart and stupid : smart can do what stupid does, yet stupid can not do what smart does. This is important, and because this is important you must never be afraid to do what stupid does if the situation calls for it. [↩]
- Marin Teodoerescu aka Zavaidoc was one of the better Romanian singers at the last time Romanians actually still had Romanian singers. He was a gypsy. [↩]
- This green leaf of the X is a common device of Romanian popular verse, ubiquitous, parodised to ubiquity, it's just the thing that it is. If you see a poem start with "Green leaf" you know where it comes from. [↩]
- She's a whore, the one where everyone goes. At the time boys between about the age of whenever they start jacking it these days and the age of whenever they purchase a woman and settle down to manufacture children frequented prostitutes.
But it was not what you imagine it to be. Generally they formed relationships, which in my estimation were a damned sight saner, not to mention more sexually, erotically and psychologically satisfying - for both parties! - than the sort of nonsense boys and girls of the same age practice today. To drive the point home, here's a whore membership card :
So yes, the young man paid 50 lei (the golden franc, the turkish lira and the british sovereign all weighted at about 20 lei, so this'd be say two guineas and change) to be with the girl ten times over however long he takes to do it - with the NB that Sundays and Saturdays he'd better come in the morning, on account of high demand. Now tell me that a century has improved anything. Convincingly please. The gaping hole of the comments box awaits ready to swallow your... heh. [↩]
- Romanians insist "dor" is a specifically Romanian, untranslatable concept. This is what it used to be, sure, a century ago. Meanwhile it ceased to actually mean anything to anyone. You'll readily understand it as "the blues", a concept in a very similar situation. [↩]
- Not my fault you don't know the best smelling flower in the known universe, which also is very pretty, to the degree a healthy complexion closely resembles it - forget the damned roses.
Smell these sometime. [↩]
- In the traditional economy, a girl is a virgin, a woman's not virgin, and a wife's with a husband. So a girl marries into a wife and turns to womanhood once her husband dies. Something like that. [↩]
- You know this is how you used to say "becoming pregnant" at the time ? Getting caught ? [↩]
- Because you know, the sexist patriarchy that keeps girls in hotels like so many books in libraries for boys to buy 10 visit cards would never ever represent childbirth as a joint operation of both genders. You know this, because you're stupid. [↩]
- What you call things is more complicated than at first appears. [↩]
- Literally, any of the ten numbers printed on the sides. Which is how stuff like "one roll in the hay" became "a number" and "a count" in Romanian. As in, you know Pisi, stai o tura ? [↩]Category: Zsilnic
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