The Wolf of Wall Street

Wednesday, 29 January, Year 6 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

The news that some kid had his future shattered interrupted my watching an incredibly bad moviei.

"You'll hate it, you know", came the warning as I made the pick.
"It's Scorsese. I trust Scorsese", was my naive retort.

I was scammed, ladies and gents. I was scammed by Martin Scorsese. This film is god-awful. I have no idea how bad it must get to sign off on something like this, how desperate for rent money one must be, how dim and distant the memory of one's earlier days, when the brain still worked. I just can't comprehend it.

Problem I. The entire thing is, from end to end, a very bad advertisement to do drugs.

I am not a prude, myself, I've tried pretty much everything there is to try, I'm not exactly in the dark on the subject matter. Scorsese, however, is. So are the writers, so are the consultants (did they even have any ?!), so are the actors. Apparently nobody involved in this entire thing, from gofers to fluffers (did they even have any ?) ever did any drugs, ever had any sort of contact with anyone part of the culture, not as much as a cousin third removed in rehab somewhere. It's simply... I'm not sure your average highschooler is this divorced from reality. Maybe if the otakus made a movie about life in the subway it'd be this fucking clueless.

There could perhaps be brought very cogent, or very persuasive, or very elegant arguments pro various drugs. This film isn't one, in any sense. It does not discuss drugs such as they are in any known universe, and it doesn't in fact make any sort of statement or point at all. It just shows a bunch of dudes doing it, perpetually, randomly, as if it's the best thing ever and the only thing worth doing. Period. Just like that, advertisement by browbeating, like they do it in the US. Pick something stupid, vapid, meaningless and repeat it a billion times, through every available venue. All the time. With slight alterations that change nothing of substance. It doesn't matter that it's stupid, just keep saying it. It doesn't even have to mean anything, which it doesn't. Just repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeatrepeat.

Who in his right mind would think this is entertaining ? It's fucking work, watching Scorsese's latest production is not unlike counting sand in a desert sandstorm.

Problem II. This thing has absolutely nothing at all to do with Wall Street, even if Wall Street were the name of some dubious lounge bar where the strange children of rich and absent Indian parents gathered together to play being US stock brokers, as they imagine that may be. There are some very superficial points of contact, badly mangled - like for instance surely people curse on the floor. This is because nobody is going to go to the star broker and tell him how to express himself. The man passed a Series 7 exam, he should be able to make the call on his own. Nevertheless, the sort of bizarre behaviour depicted by the actors in this film would have one committed before lunch, after about two to four hours of wtf looks from everyone. And yes WS people get committed on a daily basis. They're nuts, but they're nuts a certain way, or a number of certain ways, and what we see here ain't it, not even close, not even the same park.

The entire thing looks like a bunch of car salesmen and assorted losers from the Warrior Forum were set to music and for unknown reasons called brokers. Perhaps the idea is to play to the sensibilities and mental universe of Flyover Zone America, as the last retards who still pay for movies. Perhaps Scorsese is now sniffing glue. Whatever the explanation, these fuckwits couldn't pass muster to work in Glengarry Glen Ross, a run down real estate scam. What Wall Street ?

Problem III. The entire thing is lifted, being a complete (if unauthorised) remake of the otherwise bad Boiler Room. At least that piece of shit has the excuse that it's made by nobody starring Fuckfleck and what's his name. At least that thing is more or less a story, bad as it may be, but still somewhat grounded in some sort of vaguely believable reality.

At the rate this circus is going by 2025 people will be prasing the high production values of South Park and the credibility of 1960s B SF flicks. Because by comparison...

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  1. The Wolf of Wall Street, 2013, by Martin Scorsese, with Leonardo DiCaprio []
Category: Trilematograf
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