The dangers of Irish pubs

Friday, 17 October, Year 6 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

So I'm sitting in this booth, very comfortably upholstered, of this decent looking Irish pub around here. It don't say decent looking because it was something out of a magazine or looked like a movie set, but quite the contrary : the various elements making up an Irish pub were there present, well worn, with gaps here and there, exactly what you'd expect out of the only white people who endured two famines in modern times (hey, not even the Ukrainians managed that!).

As I'm sitting there, it suddenly occurs to me :
"Hey, what if there was a dog about this big" (palms about a foot apart)
"And it sat under the table over there" (indicates far end of booth, against a wall, some crumbs on the floor)
"Aha ?"
"And it were really really very quiet and well behaved. No whimpering, no scratching, no anything. How long do you suppose it could be there before anyone noticed ?"
"Well where would it pee ?"
"Suppose it didn't need to pee or anything of the sort."
"What does it eat ?"
"Crumbs. And I guess it could sneak a something out of people's plates when they're not looking."
"Forever. Especially if it learned how to sit upside."
"Hm ? "
"You know, sit, but on the underside of the table."
"This would be a pretty decent movie, you know ? Show the world through the eyes of a really small dog living under a table in a booth in an Irish pub."
"But there's no story!"
"No, just characters. You could have a really fat guy saying all sorts of suspicious stuff, a woman getting fucked, whatever."
"How is this a film ?"
"How is a documentary a film ?"
"It isn't."

So there you go, your Trilema takeaway : always check the underside of booth tables in Irish pubs you visit. You never know when a small well behaved dog could be upsitting there.

But moving on : suppose some guy went to college and got a diploma in Biology, and went to teach in some rural school in the middle of nowhere, only for the purpose of teaching wrong Biology to kids. And he'd put a lot of work into it, too, he'd explain to them that fingers really go through the hand all the way to the shoulder, and show them fake models and doctored dissection prints and whatnot. Just deliberately and elaborately spread a whole load of absolutely patent nonsense.

Obviously he could get the job, because nobody wants it. How long do you figure he'd be able to keep it up ? Eventually they'd arrest him for driving around with three heads of 12 year olds in his cars and no bodies, or something like that, twenty five years later, and going through his stuff they discover he's been doing this number on the "eager bright minds" for a while... suddenly there's thousands of adults that have to be reached out all over the country, with a notice from the government going "o by the way, that teacher we hired that told you kidneys are inside the lungs ? totally bullshitting you, they're not!"

Not so sure about the dog idea, but the freaky Biology prof would definitely make a pretty decent slasher/screamer flick. So there.

Category: Zsilnic
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