Maramu'

Maramures is an ancient Romanian countryⁱ (half of which is currently being administered by Hungaryⁱⁱ) that's more or less like a sort of local Oregon, hills covered in temperate rainforest and an ancient wood civilisation. It's where the elves would live in Romania, if the vampires of Transylvania allowed such a thing. Come to think about it... it's exactly where the elves do live.

I like it very much, on account of all the girls I ever knew from there being excellent fucks. That proper attitude to fucking, you know, like the cultivated man regards the ability to read : an either do or die trying sort of affair, a central matter, something with which one has to be proficient as a main part of being in the first place.ⁱⁱⁱ

Their culture is rich, sharp and frothy. Part of it is the so called "yell", which is literally that : sort of joke, sort of aphorism, sort of bashable content, that's customarily yelled by people when they're hanging out having fun in their hanging out having fun Sunday clothes. So, without further ado, I give you Maramures bash :

Mandra me s-o laudat c-are-un pat imperinat. S-am fost asara la ie s-am durnit pa guba me.
/mɨndra me so ləudat kare.un pat ɨmperinat ʃam fost asarə la ie ʃam durnit pə guba me/
My darling^iv boasted that she has a bed with many pillows, but I was by her place last night and I slept on my own coat.^v

Mandra me so-mbetejit c-o spalat asar-on blid. De spala si lingurile o scuturau frigurile.
/mɨndra me sombeteʒit ko spəlat asaron blid. De spəla ʃi lingurile o skuturau frigurile/
My darling got sick for she washed a dish yesterday. Had she washed the cutlery too she'd have had a pox no less.^vi

Maritate mandr-atunci cand a face dracu prunci. Sa te iei-on pui de-a lui, sa si nora dracului.
/məritate mɨndratunt͡ʃi kɨnd a face draku prunt͡ʃi. Sə te ieion pui dealui sə ʃi nora drakului/
Marry my darling when the devil has children. Take a child of his, to be the devil's daughter in law.^vii

Hada-i mandra bat-o norii sara dupa usa morii. Da s-o vez pa mandra luni gandesti c-o facut carbuni.
/hɨdəi mɨndra bato norj sara dupə uʃa morj. Da so vez pə mɨndra luni gɨndeʃti ko fəkut kərbuni./
Ugly is my darling, may the clouds beat on her^viii, in the evening behind the mill door. But you should see her monday, looks like she's been making charcoal.^ix

Mandra me de domna mare nici obdele-n cizme n-are. Da sa-ncalta cu hartie sa nu put-a saracie.
/mɨndra me de domnə mare nit͡ʃi obdelen t͡ʃizme nare. Da senkalt͡sə ku hɨrtie sə nu puta sərət͡ʃie./
For being such a great lady my love doesn't even have textile to put on her feet before putting her boots on. But she wraps them in paper so as not to stink of poverty.

Parinte popa Ilie, spovede-o pa Marie si nu-i da mare pacat pantru ce o-ndepartat un pticior de celalalt.
Si nu-i da canoane multe ca cu mine is facute si nu-i da canone grele ca pacatile-s a mele.
/Pərinte popa Ilie, spovedeo pə Marie ʃi nui da mare pəkat pəntru t͡ʃe ondepartat un ptit͡ʃior de t͡ʃeləlalt ʃi nui da kanoane multe kə ku mine ɨs fəkute ʃi nui da kanoane grele kə pəkatiles a mele./
Father priest Ilie, when you hear Mary's confession don't think it a great sin for she's spread her legs, and give her no great penace for she's done it with me, and give her no heavy penance for the sin's all mine.^x

Tat o zas mandra ca-s mut ca nu stiu sa o sarut. Da ie îi mai mare muta, nime-n lume n-o saruta. S-o sarute dracu-n frunte : mucii-i marg, din gura-i pute.
/tət o zɨs mɨndra kəs mut kə nu ʃtiu sə o sərut. da ie ɨi mai mare mutə, nimen lume no sərutə. so sərute drakun frunte: mut͡ʃji mərg, din gurəi pute./
My darling kept saying I'm mute^xi for I know not how to kiss her. But she's dumber than me, nobody in the world will kiss her. Let the devil kiss her on the forehead : her nose runs and her mouth stinks.

Trece mandra pa ulita neagra ca o dibolita. Sumna-i neagra, ie îi neagra uite dibolita-ntrega.
/tret͡ʃe mɨndra pə ulit͡sə neagrə ka o dibolit͡sə. sumnai neagrə ie ɨi neagrə uite dibolit͡santreagə./
My darling goes down the street black like a she-ox. Her coat's black, she is black, there's your she-ox whole.

Fetile pan ace-s fete beu horinca pana-s bête s-apoi zac ca-s deotete. Si parinti l-is nebuni ca le potolesc carbuni.
/fetile pɨnat͡ʃes fete beu horinkə pɨnəs bete ʃapoi zɨc kəs deokete. ʃi pərint͡si lis nebuni kə le potolesk kərbuni./
Girls before being married drink horinca^xii until they get drunk and then claim to have been touched by the evil eye. And their parents are nuts, for putting out coals for them.^xiii

Nu-s ca cei din Sugătag ce-a zace mandra sa fac. Io-s ca cei de pa Cosău face mandra ce zac eu.
/nus ka t͡ʃei din ʃugətag t͡ʃes zɨt͡ʃe mɨndra sə fac. Ios ka t͡ʃei de pə kosəu fat͡ʃe mɨndra t͡ʃe zɨk ieu./
I'm not like those from Sugătag to do what my woman says. I'm like they from Cosău valley, she does what I say.

La casa cu patru fete mor gainile de sete si fantana-i supt parete.
/la kasa ku patru fete mor gainile de sete ʃi fɨntɨnai supt pərete./
At the house with four girls the hens die of thirst and the well's right there.^xiv

Mandruta de peste drum cat imi dai sa nu te spun ca te-am razamat de prun?
/mɨndrut͡sa de peste drum kɨt ɨmi dai sə nu te spun kə team rəzəmat de prun ?/
Pretty girl from across the road, what will you give me so I don't tell that I've propped you against the plum tree ?^xv

Ce te tai bade maret cu o ratza in cotet ? Daca rata ti-a muri cu ce dracu ti falii ?
/t͡ʃe te dai bade məret͡s cu o rat͡sə ɨn kotet͡s ? Dakə rat͡sa t͡sia muri ku t͡ʃe draku tj falj ?/
Why do you boast with one sole duck in the yard ? Should it die, what the hell will you do then ?

Ase zace popa nost : nu-i slobod la fete-n post. Preoteasa zace-ase : ii slobod la fata me, si la mine daca-ti vre.
/ aʃe zɨce popa nost : nui slobod la feten post. Preoteasa zɨceaʃe : ɨi slobod la fata me, ʃi la mine dakat͡si vre./
Our priest says so : it's not allowed to go with girls during fast. His wife says so : it's allowed with my daughter, and with me too should you wish.

Pa sub masa mere mata sii fura la mire puta. Şi mnireasa dupa ie, lasa puta ca-i a me!
/Pə sub masə mere mɨt͡sa ʃji furə la mire put͡sa. ʃi minireasa dupə ie, lasə put͡sa kəi a me!/
Under the table the cat slinks and steals the groom's cock. The bride gives chase, leave the cock for it is mine!

And so on and so forth. Do yourself a favour, go to Maramures, drink a drink, fuck a girl, draw the misty coniferous atmosphere deep in your lungs. Life.

1. In the ancient sense of that term, like Wesses is an ancient English country. [↩]
2. Speaking of which, all ye worried about the autonomy principle somehow "giving away Transylvania" : it could just as well work so as to "get back" half of Maramures etc. It's all a matter of who comes up with a better offer, which is exactly as it should be and also exactly why you oppose it : because you know you suck, and you want to keep right on sucking. In which case, fuck you. [↩]
3. From what I hear from local males this view is unsupported by their own experience, which experience paints local girls more like impossible prudes trying an abstinence-only tack to life. Who knows, maybe I just got lucky. A dozen or so times in a row, what, it can happen. [↩]
4. Mindru literally means proud, and works roughly on the same principle as "a lion's pride" to denote one's sexual partners. They are specifically not conjugal partners, but otherwise, lovers, darlings. [↩]
5. The subtext being that she's a cocktease. [↩]
6. The subtext being that she's lazy. [↩]
7. The subtext being that he enjoys fucking her but he either can't or won't marry her and he'd rather she doesn't get married at all. Altogether a rather common male sentiment it turns out. [↩]
8. May X beat on Y is an incredibly common structure. Bata-te norocu', ie, may luck beat you, is a positive. Bata-te Dumnezeu, ie, may god smite thee, is a negative. The rest is just weird. [↩]
9. Because black skin is the superlative of ugly. This is by far the most widespread sociopolitical idea in human history, by the way, shared from China to California and from 1500 bc to 1500 ad without a hitch. [↩]
10. Simply put, I own the woman and fuck you and your church. Or else.

    Quite the Maramu' spirit. [↩]

11. Ie, stupid. Because yes. [↩]
12. Double plum distilate, commonly over 110 proof. The national drink of Romania, and arguably the best thing to have ever come out of that place. [↩]
13. Classical cure for evil eye touchings. [↩]
14. Ie, they're so busy competing sexually with each other no work ever gets done. [↩]
15. Obviously, more proppings. This is flirting, in SPARTA! [↩]