Two examples of IRC misuse, with ample commentary.

Intro :

mircea_popescu so i could write an article tit-led "normative heterosexuality for women, a guide" or else an article about good and bad uses of irc chans.
mircea_popescu which would the crowd prefer to see first ?
dub women are not hetero
Vexual id like to read something about cake, whichever that fits into better
Vexual or dragons
nubbins` given that i'm really just here to mess with the signal-to-noise ratio, i'd like to see the latter
mircea_popescu aite.

Example I :

* ryanmckenzie (026016fb@gateway/web/freenode/ip.2.96.22.251) has joined #bitcoin-assets
ryanmckenzie Good afternoon, I am doing an article on bitcoin millionaires and the potential to become wealthy of bitcoin in the future. Would anyone like to talk to me?
jurov ryanmckenzie: article for ?
jurov which outlet, i mean

ryanmckenzie my university magazine
ryanmckenzie Edinburgh University
jurov ;;seen nefario
gribble nefario was last seen in #bitcoin-assets 1 year, 6 weeks, 6 days, 22 hours, 42 minutes, and 47 seconds ago: Those assets are not listed or traded anymore
jurov i'm afraid all such persons are long gone
pankkake https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=321265.0
ozbot Bitcoin TOP-500 Richest
mircea_popescu ryanmckenzie go ahead.
* ryanmckenzie has quit (Quit: Page closed)

Uglux lol
mircea_popescu fun fact : edinburgh university has produced more scholarship than the entirety of the united states.
Uglux they must be good at something...
mircea_popescu kinda funny how naive as to how irc works the general population finds itself.
mircea_popescu considering irc is certainly older than blogs.

Ryan McKenzie has connected to IRC from his home computer in Aberdeen. We now know where he lives, what his parents are called, how his house looks, that he used to do some work for whatever nutty Christian outfit in Edinburgh and so on. Inasmuch as Ryan doesn't particularly wish for us to know all these things, Ryan would be well advised to implement more stringent security policiesⁱ

Ryan McKenzie has connected to IRC using the web shortcut webirc. There's nothing too bad about this, I recommend it as a point of access for noobs bereft of IRC capable softwareⁱⁱ as a matter of course. Nevertheless, webirc is quite inconvenient in many respects. For instance, it doesn't log.

Ryan McKenzie has connected to a channel he's never read before. This is never a bad idea, in the sense casual sex with people you've just met and don't remember the names of is never a bad idea (it isn't). Nevertheless, as one ages they discover that understanding what the fuck is going on becomes more and more important, and getting off becomes less and less a consideration. These older people tend to consult the logs of channels before joining them, at least if this is at all possible. In the case of #bitcoin-assets this is quite possible, as assbot dilligently logs them. The assets I mean.

Finally, Ryan McKenzie has left the channel six minutes after joining it. This is exactly not how one uses IRC chans. Once you ask a question the absolute bare minimum commitment on your part is one hour, which doesn't mean you have to keep your eyes glued to it for one straight hour, but it does mean you have to let it run and check the results one hour laterⁱⁱⁱ. On most specialist IRC channels, which are low traffic, a day or a few might be much more appropriate.

This is just the nature of the beast, you don't go typing your email message into gmail's login box and then become upset that "Gmail has lost my email", you don't type your name into google's search box and then become upset that "google has failed to find pages relevant for my interests" and you don't expect IRC to respond to you within minutes. All of these are instances of extreme ignorance masquerading as crassly offensive behaviour, and equally so.

The strange thing of course is that in spite of IRC existing since long before Google was invented^iv, many more people understand how to use Google than IRC. The other strange thing is that in spite of the web "login" model being utterly broken and beyond retarded, many people are familiar with the web login concept while completely failing to grasp on their own that it's somewhat unlikely to get an instantaneous response to an IRC query.^v

Example II.

canuckgal: How do I get a hold of Mr. P?
benkay: who?

canuckgal: mpoe? Im looking for business advice... to create an in person exchange locally
benkay: are you unaware of localbitcoins.com? or the less-than-epic buttonwood? also here's email addresses in plain text because you apparently can't internet and I'm a total dork that just got on the web herp.

canuckgal: lol yea i know about local btc
benkay: what do you mean by "in person exchange"? no gathering of humans right now has the volume to be anything approximating an "exchange"

canuckgal: i have 3 cash for gold stores, and I would like to expand into selling btc at the store too
benkay: so buy some btc and sell them
davout: isn't that the opposite of your current business model?

canuckgal: thats what i was wondering, do i buy a huge stockpile, or do i buy only when the customer wants to buy ? we buy and sell gold, and id like to do the same with btc.
benkay: how do you handle your gold acquisitions?

canuckgal: what do you mean
jurov: exactly that's trade secret of bitcoin exchanges. either you figure out how to cope with volatiltiy yourself or partner with whoever does. no free advice here.

canuckgal: why do you gotta be like that?
benkay: is you is or is you ain't a capitalist, hon?

canuckgal: i do love me some money
benkay: ain't no such thing as a free lunch
jurov: or hire coingenuity or whoever has a clue to explain it to you
topace_: hire tradefortress for security too. he's smrt.

canuckgal: and that is exactly the info im looking for, thanks

The backstory here is that the poor woman asked MPOE-PR to get in touch with me, and was sent to #bitcoin-assets. Because I usually hang there and that's where you get in touch with me if all your credentials are that you want to get in touch with me^vi. Unlike the 99 other Internet noobs in the hundred, she does actually manage to get in. It's an accomplishment, this, you know ? But then she runs into self referential oldfag party and as a result sends me an email, which elicits the response that she should contact me on IRC, with a webirc link.

The problem here is the exact same fundamental ignorance discussed above. If you know who you're talking to, joking can be considered a calculated risk, and calculated risks are fun. If you do not know who you're talking to, which is always the case when talking to a noob - because you can't possibly fathom, imagine or construct reasonable expectations about what's going on inside their brainbox - then joking can not be considered taking a calculated risk. It will have to be considered being derpy, which contrary to what derps may think is quite uncool.

I get it that being all cool and sarcastic and witty becomes a reflex after all of five minutes online, you smart cats you. How about we save being wise for the people who are wise themselves ? As the chairman of the board put it, "We only whack each other. It's an IRC thing."

Right ?

1. Which does not begin or end with using a VPS or a network cloak, and is not strictly or even particularly a matter of IRC usage. The same exact issues are involved when Ryan searches on Google or loads his favourite porn site, the only difference being that unlike these closed, proprietary and ultimately evil parties, people on IRC are just as likely to teach you things as they are to call up your house and pretend they're your girlfriend. [↩]
2. No, empathy is not IRC capable. [↩]
3. Which is where webirc's problem comes to fore : if you lose connection and reconnect your history will be gone, so you are now stuck looking for the logs for sure. [↩]
4. Even without counting BBS as an ancestor, which I think should count as an ancestor, as it's pretty much exactly the same thing. [↩]
5. It'd seem, at least to the naive inquirer, that since understanding how web logins work requires a good grasp of many fundamental points of computer science, whereas understanding why you will possibly not get an instantaneous solution to your problem upon asking requires merely the tiniest iota of human experience, it'd seem I say that the latter should be commonly understood and the former rarely used. Not so, obviously : when something can be used before (and ideally without!) being understood that something will be used ; when something needs to be understood that something will never be even as much as mentioned. It's not, after all, user friendly. Who ever heard of an understanderer ? The web is for the use of users. [↩]
6. And even if they aren't, it is in fact the best way to get in touch. My mother contacts me on irc. [↩]