Two business ideas for missing arms

Friday, 15 November, Year 5 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

MP : You know what would be a good idea? Open up a coffee house with nice comfy armchairs and whatnot and get a lot of young -- they wouldn't have to be too young, 40s or whatever works --, girls, with...cut off at the legs, you know, amputees, and have them go on...
OP : Skateboards?

MP : Ya like platforms, skateboards of sorts. They'd roll around take your order and be about your height when you're sitting. Why should waitresses be all tall and imposing, you know?
OP : Who are you, Kramer?
OP : Ya lol, a show about freaks! People wanna see freaks!

MP : It's a good idea, they're on your level, It's not about freaks. Think how this'd be a desirable position for legless women, they'd get to interact normally with people. Get out of the house.
OP : Yeah but this is going to attract the fetishists, and suddenly it's not so nice.
OP : What's wrong with normal girls kneeling ?

MP : No, it's not the same thing if they're just kneeling. So it attracts fetishists, look, it'd be no different from normal waitresses, do you know how that goes ? Dudes grab your ass and leave you tips. If they weren't waitress fetishists they'd just make themselves a club salad in their trailer or whatever.
OP : Oh get out of here, you could sell wool to fucking sheep.

MP : A yeah, think how nice that's be, you could have like extensions. As a sheep I mean. And they could be colored and you could protect your own wool from damage that way.

(a pause)

MP : I suppose you could have topless Sundays or something. Think they'd go for that ?
OP : Who, the customers ?

MP : No, no, the amputee waitresses.
OP : I guess some would, sure.

MP : The problem with that is if one dork's jacking off he's getting you straight on the tits.
OP : Ewww.
OP : Why don't you do something for boys ?

MP : Who the fuck cares about boys ?

(MP gets a sudden look)

OP : What, what, did you forget something?
OP : What, you're freaking me out!

MP : You know what you could do? Have a handyman service with these big burly guys, and send them for house calls, but they have no arms. And they explain that they can't do the various jobs asked though they'd really like to, and they're sorry. And people'd be unable to do anything. You know, you call for a plumber, and they say sure we're sending someone, and this dude rings your doorbell and he has no arms. Like, at all. But you're not going to go "eh get the fuck out of here, you have no arms", are you ? You're going to not want to discriminate against him, and let him in, and he'll like try to do it with his fucking teeth and fail and be all sorry and apologize to you.
OP : Holy shit.
OP : It can't go on for very long, people will get wise. A newspaper or whatever will pick it up and that'll be that.

MP : Are you kidding me?! Who reads newspapers? All you need is an add in the yellow pages, you think people needing a plumber are going to give some article a second thought when you say something like "we'll have someone there this evening"? Do you have any idea what the average liberated independent New Yorker has to do to get a hold of a handyman?
OP : This is beyond evil.

MP : And people will be too weirded out and guilt tripped to tell anyone else about it anyway. Imagine, they're handing over like 5k in cash which is the last of their savings and be all sorry it's not enough. Their job's still not done... they fucking can't go telling their friends about it. You'd just do it in Manhattan.
OP : Maybe this should be what you do.

MP : What ?
OP : Coming up with business ideas for the handicapped.

MP : That IS what I do. I'm involved in Bitcoin you know?

Category: Zsilnic
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One Response

  1. [...] of this could be further from the truth. If you think you as a NY lawyer could make as much as a NY armless handyman you’re just a wee bit on the naive side. And if you think once you’ve made yourself [...]

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