The illustrative story of A and B

Saturday, 13 July, Year 5 d.Tr. | Author: Mircea Popescu

Hello! Glad you could make it! Please meet A and B.

A and B are, for the purpose of our illustrative story, two countries. A was inhabited since time immemorial. The inhabitants of A could produce enough food to support themselves by working about four hours a day, owing entirely to accommodating qualities of A itselfi and not in any way to their own intelligence or skill, which was grossly absentii. They gladly worked an extra four - indeed occasionally an extra eight or even twelve! - in order to produce enough food to pay for a general effort of each and every individual being kloinked over the head with some regularity. The inhabitants of A didn't particularly enjoy life outside of this basic recreational activity, even if it meant they often died from a bad case of inflamed bumps. You gotta die somehow, right ?

At some point during all this (which lasted a while) country B was discovered. Originally it was used as a dumping ground, but owing to the relative rarity of human lifeiii the forms of social organisation prevalent in A were not practical or employed in B. Thus instead of a proper monarchy, which is the system of countryness for countries which are densely populated, B was organised as a degenerate republic, a laughable proposition. The term itself is a misnomer, as it purports to somehow relate a ragtag band of tired, poor, huddled masses to classical perfection - when in fact none of the personal qualities then prevalent were at all present nor any of the virtues even known by name.

This arrangement meant that there's nobody to organise the periodic kloinking of everyone over the head, which meant that the inhabitants of B could get by working a lot less. B sucked, of course, so they'd still need to work about twelve hours a day making food to pay for the effort of building anything at all such as for instance a hut to shit in out of the wind. Nevertheless as time went by all this effort accumulated and soon enough B was in a position to reduce labour around the four hour baseline. With the time thus freed they engaged in an entirely novel pastime, which is going around pulling your cock.

The inhabitants of A were momentarily disturbed in their quiet enjoyment of carnage by the fact that the annoying Bsiv acted as a block, which meant that even though B was a small fraction of A nevertheless they could at will disrupt the fragile and ever moving equilibrium they had enjoyed for centuries. As it was improbable for any significant portion of A to unite and knock B over the head proper (mostly on account of the latter, A occasionally united but everyone basically thought B sucks and isn't in any perspective worth the hassle) the entire process of headkloinking took an extended break. As a result a number of As found themselves converted to the loathsome Bisms of going about pulling their cock, much to everyone else's amusement.

At about this time the Grand Gazoo showed up for the first time. As it happened he showed up in B, and gave the inhabitants the magnificent gift of magic beads. Magic beads serve no purpose whatsoever but present a major alternative to going around pulling your cock all day : you can sit and gaze into the magic bead. Apparently it's fascinating or something, and you can also fidget with it. For these reasons and also because fuck, beads!!! everyone else was more than willing to give free food to the Bs. Which everyone did. Before long the Bs stopped working altogether, simply picking up the beads and trading those for food.

Soon enough more Gazoos showed up all over the place and soon enough everyone had beads up the wazoo, including dogs and other petsv. Consequently nobody was willing to trade food for beads anymore, and the Bs certainly weren't willing to work even half an hour a day making their own.

So everyone suddenly fell to kloinking everyone else over the head and all was right in the world once

  1. The astute reader will no doubt notice that a country in this perspective is not exactly the institutions, and certainly not just "the people". It probably also isn't just the land, and for that matter "food" apparently means something a little more than just ham and cheese. []
  2. In the sense that as far as we're taking water as a reference point, water is perfectly unwet by comparison. []
  3. While B was originally inhabited, its inhabitants do not count as people for the purpose of our story on the grounds that fuck them, and also because they died which proves they suck, and for a number of other purely auctorial reasons that could perhaps be best explained as "God hadn't chosen them". All this makes no sense whatsoever, of course, which is why the story is illustrative and not merely a simple story. []
  4. To quote a random example,

    Mi rammento di tutto come fosse ora, era il 26 agosto del 1944. Il 12 Firenze era stata liberata dagli americani. Veramente, più che altro, erano inglesi... che sono sempre stati egoisti e arroganti coi popoli conquistati. Comunque, a Firenze non cacarono né una galletta nè un pisello secco.

    Do identify the source, I'm curious.


  5. I specifically didn't mention cats by name just to slight them. Also consider this : a cat in a whale is basically a cat blessed with an infinite supply of fish which nevertheless separates it from the infinite supply of wet. And the fish is, of course, moist. []
  6. And for that matter going about pulling on your cock is a disgusting habit of preadolescent boys since time immemorial. Once people grow up they find better pastimes. Like for instance fucking kloinking people over the head! []
Category: Cuvinte Sfiinte
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One Response

  1. Play Hearths of Iron or something.

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