If you've seen that many pornstars...

Jon Millward is a pretty good example of what I've been preaching about blogging (in Romanian) for a good five years by now. He started in November 2011 and since then has been writing a certain kind of article. It is funny to me that in spite of having 3 years' early warning the entire population of Romania has failed utterly to take advantage. And then when you tell people they're poor because they're stupid they act all hurt and whatnot. Life.

Anyway, the guy's latest installment is tittilatingly titled Deep Inside - A Study of 10,000 Porn Stars. What he's done is taken the Adult Film Database, processed it a little and then elegantly presented the results. Something anyone could have done, obviously, but apparently you need a degree or three to figure out you should be doing it. Also life.

There's this quote which I can't source anymore but I'm pretty sure it came out of Saturday Night Live. Something along the lines of

We've made close to five thousand shows. When you make that many shows, some of them are gonna suck, some of them are gonna blow.

Nowhere is that quote more adequate than in discussing the above topic, obviously. Thus armed, let us cherrypick a little.

The average male and female performer are the same height as the average American man and woman: 5’10″ and 5’5″ respectively.

This is quite telling. The average male and female "proper"ⁱ actress are not the same height as the average man and woman. The average male and female catwalk models certainly are not the same height as average men and women. This, I submit, is on its own sufficient proof that pornography is a wholesome, socially representative activity, whereas both cinematography and fashion are (by comparison at least) pernicious and very, very false. And that which is false can never be art, irrespective of all pretense to the contrary.

At 117 lbs, the average female performer is a considerable 48 lbs under the national average for women, and the average male, at 167.5 lbs, weighs 27 lbs less than the national average for men.

Unlike height, which is fixed for most people during most of their life, weight is a good synthetic indication of a person's metabolic health. I think it poetic justice that whoredom finally is in a position to be regarded by the general population as a standard of good health. Eat more like a whore, yo!

The most common bra size for a female porn star is a surprisingly handleable 34B. Not double-D, not even a D. Double-D actually came in 4th, behind B, C and D. The most common set of measurements for the women was 34–24-34.

34B. The most common tit size all over the world (I'd know). This would mean that if your trophy(es) sport Cs or even Ds you're ahead of the curve in this "collecting human objects" game. Wait, you're actually playing ?

Nikki Lee and David Lee [are] the most common first and last names of porn stars. A nice coincidence that they share the same last name. It means if these hypothetical hedonists were to marry, a name change wouldn’t be needed.

Someone should urgently trademark that name, I suppose. There's certainly Lee toys in the future, and a Lee show and Leeverages (you know, Lee Beverages). The whole kanoodle brought about by out of control franchising.

For instance, the data shows that the average age of a woman when she gets into porn is 22 years old—and it has been for the last 40 years—and that’s the case for all women, regardless of race. Men have been progressively getting into the business at a younger age, though: in the 1970s their average debut age was 29, but now it’s 24.

We've always known that men are shy, on average, whereas women are not. If nothing else the simple breakdown of boasting indicates it quite clearlyⁱⁱ. If not, an old quote from Shaw might also help :

The pretence that women do not take the initiative is part of the farce. Why, the whole world is strewn with snares, traps, gins, and pitfalls for the capture of men by women. Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors. Men, on the other hand, attach penalties to marriage, depriving women of property, of the franchise, of the free use of their limbs, of that ancient symbol of immortality, the right to make oneself at home in the house of God by taking off the hat, of everything that he can force Woman to dispense with without compelling himself to dispense with her. All in vain. Woman must marry because the race must perish without her travail: if the risk of death and the certainty of pain, danger, and unutterable discomforts cannot deter her, slavery and swaddled ankles will not. And yet we assume that the force that carries women through all these perils and hardships, stops abashed before the primnesses of our behavior for young ladies. It is assumed that the woman must wait, motionless, until she is wooed. Nay, she often does wait motionless. That is how the spider waits for the fly. But the spider spins her web. And if the fly, like my hero, shews a strength that promises to extricate him, how swiftly does she abandon her pretence of passiveness, and openly fling coil after coil about him until he is secured for ever!

A hundred years old, that. If it's still not good enough we certainly could observe that when making puppies, colts or pretty much any young mammals of any kind you always take the bitch, mare or whatever female to be impregnated to the hound, stallion or whatever male. Why not the other way around ? Because males are shy and if they have to cope with the stress of changing environment on top of sexual performance they will often enough fail to get an erection. Sitcoms refer to it as "the home advantage". In other words, yes, this is well known. Nice to have a little confirmation in any case.

I must confess when I first saw the article I started off by thinking "o right, yet another reddit idiot made an infographic". It's true that it's cheaply made, but I would say the end product is a damn sight better than the average nonsense that entire subculture ended up spawning.

1. The quotes are more than warranted. An actress that does porn is much more of an actress than some pretender that has never fucked in front of a live audience. This is a fact and not up for discussion. You want to count as a real actress, you'd better have done porn. [↩]
2. It's usually the shy that boast, there's a name for the psychological process at work. [↩]