I do! So do I...

If Cabaretⁱ is a film worth seeing then it's strictly for the set-up of the title. You see, a poor Henry Miller-esque Britⁱⁱ stranded in Berlin sort-of but not really falls for an underage femme fatale-wannabe that's about as fatale as an after dinner mint (his words) and about as underage as your average twentysomething sex worker. She'd be a sort of Anais Nin, I guess. Just as untalented in any case.

So he translates bad German porn and teaches local kids English while she gets excited and hops up and down for no aparent reason. Finally a certain baron von something or the other takes mercy upon us and rescues the entire set-up from Boredom Lake. His mere presence causes a little friction in the aforementioned Team Starving Mongrels, which eventually culminates with the man's expleted "Screw Maximilian!", her calculated "I do" and his bemused "so do I".. No lols were had on the occasion and there's little else to say of the film. The costumes are pretty good, but to make a film about the 1920s Berlin cabaret scene titled Cabaret without as much as half a second of underboob ? You'd have to be either mentally retarded or American, admitting that the two can be distinguished for this purpose. Cunt, baby. Bare cunt is absolutely required and mandatory to acquire the license of titling anything "Cabaret".

Liza Minnelli is acceptable but rather tedious. The two guys are indifferent. The entire thing has to be redone. Properly, and preferably by somebody who knows what they're doing, as opposed to having been born in Chicagoⁱⁱⁱ.

Joel Grey is incredibly talented, however. He does a sort of benevolent Mephisto, and his dance with the monkey perhaps saves the entire thing.^iv

1. 1972, by Bob Fosse with Liza Minnelli. [↩]
2. Brit denotes small herrings belonging to the family Clupeidae. [↩]
3. A city so very chic it even starts with it. [↩]
4. He did create the show upon which this cinematic butchery is based. That original show was obviously excellent. [↩]