Google numerology.

Google has an oft-abused suggestion featureⁱ, where a broken browser that improperly runs Google's spyware will offer the user string completion for whatever search terms being typed. Annoying as all Hell, too.

Here's a little shocker : suppose you search for numbers. Results :

23: 23isback 23andme 23 weeks pregnant

24: 24 hour fitness 24 24 weeks pregnant

25: 25 weeks pregnant 25th amendment 253 area code

26: 26 weeks pregnant 26th amendment 267 area code

27: 27 weeks pregnant 27 club 27 dresses

28: 28 weeks pregnant 28 days later 281 area code

29: 29 weeks pregnant 29 palms 29 news

30: 30 rock 30 day squat challenge 300

31: 310 area code 311 31 bags

32: 32 weeks pregnant 323 area code 321 hiphop

33: 331 area code 33 weeks pregnant 338 lapua

34: 34 weeks pregnant 347 area code 343 industries

35: 35 weeks pregnant 350.org 350z

36: 36 weeks pregnant 360 area code 360i

37: 37 weeks pregnant 37signals 370z

38: 38 special 38 weeks pregnant 380 ammo

39: 39 weeks pregnant 39 clues 39 games

That, my friends, is quite a performance. This "weeks pregnant" horse has 11 wins, 2 places, 2 shows in 17 races! In Formula 1 scores this'd be no less than 341 points over less than a full season! Schumacher made 1`566 points over his entire (18 seasons) career!

"The Internet is for porn", you say ? Forget about it. The Internet is for bored knocked up women on maternity leave. They're looking up the gestation calendar like it's the TV program, "I wonder what exciting adventures await me in Weeks Of Your Pregnancy - 29" or something.

Suddenly a lot of forum weirdness starts to come into the realm of the comprehensible, I dare suggest. If every time you went "WTF?!" you had instead realised you're (statistically) talking to a bunch of beached whales stuck on the computer because nobody wants to be in the same room with a hormonal tornado from Venusⁱⁱ and whatever forum is the only available means to satisfy the need for human contact...

And you know it's the women themselves, because there's no 40, 41 and 42 weeks pregnant, which suspiciously coincides with hospitals not really offering wireless access.

1. Abused in the sense of "look what pops up if your search term starts with France/Obama/Turkmenistan/etc", where you can replace France/Obama/Turkmenistan/etc with whatever googlebombed term is fashionable at the time. [↩]
2. That planet has really bad meteorology, I tell you. [↩]