Fucking, a guide.

The fact that there doesn't seem to exist such a thing anywhere in the cultural space of this language is in itself scandalous and quite appalling. One might go as far as to say obscene. Seriously, what are you people, Arabs ?ⁱ

Fucking is not a human behaviour, fucking is not a token of appreciationⁱⁱ and most of all fucking is not in any case the expression of one person's feelings for another.

Fucking is a skill, plain and simple. There's no escaping this. Much like sewing and sawing, fucking is a skill. The fact that a skill, any skill can be regarded as a human behaviour, can be used socially as a token of appreciation and can be interpreted on a personal level as the expression of one's feelings in a certain context non c'entra di niente, n'a rien à voir, has nothing to do with the topic.

Fucking being a skill, it has to be honed. Skills are honed through practice. Not practicing fucking on the theory that such practice would make your twu wuv factor anything less is nonsense in the first degree, and in no way different from not practicing public speaking because being able to speak without hewing and hawing, ughing and awing would make you dishonest. Honesty and dishonesty are meta-problems. They have nothing to do with the act of speech itself. Love, friendship, what have you are also meta-problems. They also have nothing to do with the act of fucking itself.

The genders are unequal when it comes to fucking. If I dedicate a day to the matter of practicing fucking I can perhaps do it half dozen times, or a full dozen if I absolutely insist to flatter myself in writing. If a woman dedicates a day to the matter of practicing fucking she can easily top the hundred. I have seen it done, not once but every time it came to it - the reason you don't know any women who have, if that's an objection you'd raise at this pointⁱⁱⁱ, is simply that you don't know any women worth knowing (although on the balance of probabilities it's entirely more likely you just don't know any women who judge you worth talking to).

The net result of this unequality is that the bar of both minimal and average competence when it comes to fucking is higher for women. You have to work harder and fuck more as a woman to be worth fucking in most everyone's estimation^iv. And yes, someone may fuck you even though you're not worth the hassle, and yes, you may interpret that in terms of "he's fucking me even though I'm not worth the hassle thus therefore he must truly love me", but this is all nonsense and it can't possibly end well.

Moving on to the practical side of things, while fucking could in principle be practiced solo much in the way the poor athlete who couldn't afford a pool - because he was living in Niggeria at the time and they can't afford pools there - practiced jumping on cardboard boxes and ended up winning the Olympics (twu stowy) nevertheless it's usually a pairs' sport, as the cheapest, most affordable and easiest to implement variation. Now you might have noticed that they rarely have Olympic skaters a foot and a half apart in height (it makes no difference whether the girl's a foot and a half taller than the boy or the other way around). This would be because size matters.

Size does matter, but not in the absolute sense teenagers and Americans (the two being often impossible to distinguish, especially on the Internet) seem to think. Size matters in the relative, which is to say some girls are comfortable with slightly larger boybits^v whereas some other girls are comfortable with slightly smaller boybits. Pretty much nobody - nobody! - is comfortable with the very large or very small. Yes, some girls can take ten or twelve inches naturally, and a good chunk of girls can be trained to take ten or for that matter fifteen inches. This still doesn't make it comfortable or anything much in the way of a preference. The same exact thing is true on the other end of the spectrum, too.

The training mentioned above has to do with the physical realities of the biological matter in discussion, it's easier to make a form fitting hole than a form fitting prong. As such, vaginas^vi are adjustable to an amazing degree, which is to say that much like electronic car chairs they will automatically assume once aroused the size they last recall [having enjoyed]. This is the deep, fundamental reason why women fucking around is a lot more inconvenient to the men they're married with than the same men fucking around would be to the women themselves : the slut comes home misshapen, and not everybody enjoys a little bit of variety, especially if not very secure.^vii

There's two primary games which underlie all fucking : Reach and Balance.

An open invitation to a game of Reach

Reach is quite simply what the name implies : the man tries to reach the woman's cervix, which is a meaty slug-like beast located about an inch or so away from the vaginal opening at rest, but as many as eight inches away if aroused. The face-to-face approach is probably more common in practice, but the face-to-back approach known as doggystyle is exactly the same thing just a little more accomodating to the slightly longer implement because of the way the geometry of velvet works.

While some women thoroughly enjoy a hard pounding of their cervix (especially if it comes as seconds, thirds or beyond), many don't really, and so this particular game works best when the two are slightly off, which means she's a little deeper than he's long (but just a little). It doesn't really matter how thick he is compared to her, as long as it fits - and in fairness most things do, up to and including a melon, which renders the point something more along the lines of "it doesn't matter how incredibly thin he is compared to her ample girth". There's a reason tiny missionaries played this one with well used native girls, and there's a reason most fertile marriages end up doing this exclusively.

That historical accident aside, there's nothing wrong with a good game of Reach, and anyone feeling ashamed for having or preferring sex "the boring way" should be ashamed of being an idiot instead.

An equally open invitation to a game of Balance

Balance is exactly what it says on the tin : the woman goes a little off balance (which is usually accomplished by having her stand) and tries to maintain herself in equilibrium by holding on with her very muscular, very innervated, very delicate, soft, slippery and so forth. While playing Reach she may squeeze a little (or a lot) just to be a bitch (or not), but while playing Balance she's squeezing for dear life, or else to avoid planting herself on her face (although some cheat and use their hands, which is why the cannonical game of Balance is played with hands on ankles). The man may help or hinder, as the circumstances demand, but he has to be experienced enough to be able to control himself to the point of giving the woman a chance (which is why most games of Balance topple into some sort of Reach as they mature).

Unlike with Reach it doesn't really matter how much shorter he is, five inches will do. Also unlike with Reach it does matter how thick he is, in the sense that he has to be about thick enough for her to comfortably hold on, which in most cases is a pretty narrow band of tolerance (which can, of course, be improved with practice). A large, flat, flared head that's mostly a hindrance playing Reach (and a leading cause of premature ejaculation, for that matter) is quite the asset playing Balance. This game does require a lot of tone on the part of the woman, which is the deep reason people don't much care for fatties^viii : they can only play half the games, which means they shouldn't really be playing at all. Imagine a "literate" individual who can read but not write or vice-versa.

As an aside it might be worth mentioning that rape happens absolutely exclusively as a game of Reach, being the only of the two where the woman's deliberate consent is not in any way required as her body consents for her whether it's what she wants or not at all (which is, biologically, exactly the way she is designed to function, again, whether you like this or not). The fact that the cervix is very close to the vaginal opening in the unaroused woman is primarily what makes rape a painful rather than sexual experience for the victim, although in fairness the elephant in the room is the ideologically inconvenient fact that rape is arousing in and of itself for a good proportion (likely a majority, actually) of women, which again would be exactly how the biology of it would be designed to function. The fact that nobody seems to know this, and the fact that "but your Honor, we played Balance!" is never used as positive defense against rape charges meshes right into the scandalous and appalling barbarism of the English speaking world mentioned in the beginning.

There's also throat fucking and ass fucking, but those perversions^ix are probably best saved for another time, as we're running out of words.

1. It'd have been really funny had I said niggers, heh. But yes you are Arabs, in the cultural backwardsness sense of it. Smelly, loud, godfearing barbarians. It's ridiculous to the European eye, honestly. [↩]
2. Who said Ugo, io...ti stimo moltissimo, when and why ? [↩]
3. An objection not dissimilar to the notion that one "can't" hammer ten thousand nails in a day. Of course they can. The fact that they don't is no proof whatsoever. [↩]
4. And if you still belabour under the laughable misapprehension that cunt's the scarce item go ahead and gtranslate Erotoghid pentru femeia adulta, you'll have a ball. [↩]
5. Yes, I'm going to write an entire article about fucking and not say the word once. It's called coyness, it's a sexual behaviour and apparently also a skill, and it works best as a study in contrasts. [↩]
6. Nyah! [↩]
7. Historically the fact that venereal disease has a 50%ish chance of catching from male to female but a 5%ish chance of catching from female to male also had some importance. In some backwards communities it doubtlessly has plenty of importance still. [↩]
8. Not in the sense of weight per se, but in the sense of tone and form. A woman weighing twelve stone can be a delightful panther in "bed" so to speak, whereas some other a little over eight might be so creaky and rusty she might as well be made entirely out of lard. [↩]
9. This term simply denotes anything other than the banal, for the record. [↩]