Rosarch Babydoll and the conflicts of love

Saturday October the 11th. We got up and put our slavestones in and checked out our bruises from last night. We're in naked leopard print now, everyone's different but I think sisi is the prettiest. Her skin just takes the bruises and works with them like a painter and it has so much contrast to work with! I told her she looks much better beaten than just naked, it's like she's dressed in it. She says it does look cool, but she's also kinda sore. We all are really.

Then Meron brought breakfast and we asked her to sit and eat with us and she said it's a great honor! What honor could it be, it's just eating, she brought it anyway. She could have eaten half of it on the way over, maybe one morning she shows up with an apple and a banana and is all like "O hai, this is breakfast. There was more but it was a great honor so I ated it." Anyway she told us Sylvia and Doll are going to the cunt trainer and dogslave can go too if she wants which she totally wants and I have to go see the pysch! So we all left and they dropped me off first because it was close anyway and it's not the witch torture room but a normal office room and psych was behind his desk, not with a mask or anything just like a vice principal or something, sitting at his desk. He said "take a seat, Babydoll" and I pulled the chair close in and sat on it just with my ass and kicked off my slippers and put my legs on his desk! Like I was on the chair but my legs up to where the knee bends were on his desk and it's really very comfortable. He looked at me and blinked, and then he reached out his hands and grabbed my feet! He had his fingers over my foot and his thumb inside where it tickles, and he rubbed me a little. Then he said "I was good to you once, Babydoll. Why do you hate me now ?" and I said "I don't hate you psych, you just come up with too much bullshit, that's all. I still do everything you tell me to. So what do you want me to do ?"

He lifted my left foot and kissed my big toe and then he said he wants to show me something and I said ok so he said come over. I went around his desk and came behind him and he took a piece of paper from his desk, and spilled some ink from his pen on it. Then he folded it in four so the ink all spilled inside and made a pattern. He oppened it up and showed it to me and asked "what do you see ?" and I told him I see a man who's made a mess of some poor paper that never did anything to him, and he said this is his whole job, all he does all day is show people things. It doesn't matter what they are, all it matters is that they care about them, and then he look at their eyes to try and see what they see and watches them to see what they do, and then he can tell them where they are wrong or broken or how to fix it. But I said "you show people lies, that's what you do" and he said "it doesn't matter if they're lies or not" but I told him "It matters to you." And then I told him it's a stinky job and he said it is, and I asked him why doesn't he do something better with himself and he said "because someone has to do it, and he doesn't know anyone else he could leave it with." Then he asked me what did I think would happen if the wardrobe slaves would stop carting away the dirty clothes from the gym, they'd just rot there in a pile and then what would we do ? It stinks, but it has to be done, because people just go insane if there's no psych, and crumple inside themselves from fear and doubt and never get anywhere like themselves, or who they were meant to be or maybe could have been. Because beatings and pain flower the slave out of a simple girl, but thinking flowers the whore out of the simple cunt. I don't hate Chef, do I ? he asked, "Even though he beats you and he hurts you". And I said "No, I love Chef, and I hope he beats me any time he feels like it, I told him so." The Psych just looked at me and then took my hand in his and asked me "Then why do you hate me ? Your mind has needs just like your body does, little baby princess. It just doesn't feel them or know about them because the body won't shut up about what it needs but the mind can't ever hear itself."

I told him I never thought about this before, because it's true, and then I asked him if I'm ok. He said "You're not ok, lovely. You're not ok, you're just very powerful, inside, but you've had a lot of trauma recently, and you're repressing." I asked him what repressing is, and he asked "What happens when a Master tells his slave to shut up ?" And I said "she shuts up" and he said "But what happens to what she was going to say ?" and I said "Oh." And he nodded as if I said "I have a lot of that", but I did not say it. Then he said it's a tug of war going inside people, all the time. Some are stronger and some are weaker, and that's one side of it. But life and things that happen are the other side, and if it's too much the person breaks down or goes crazy or something. He said when weak people break down nothing much happens, they just cry a little or paint their toenails or something. When it's too much for powerful people and they break down though, then it can be very bad, because there's just so much energy in there. He explained that if there's two ants playing tug of war and one wins big deal, nobody notices, but if two elephants or whales or something play tug of war then the winner could go tumbling and break down a house or a ship or something. His example is not very good though, he should have said "Babydoll, if you have a good water hose you can hold it in your hand and water the plants and flowers with it, and you can even put your thumb on where the water spouts and push it down and then it pushes back and tries to come out any way it can, and if you're real strong you can even push it down completely with your thumb and it stops altogether, but your thumb turns all white, and the hose starts pushing itself away from your grip, trying to slide itself out of your hand. You have to hold it tight with both hands, because if it escapes then it just goes flying and spouting water everywhere all crazy and maybe you can't even get it back ever because it spouts at you when you try to get close and grab it again.

I asked him what should I do, sir ? And he asked me "Would you show me your journal again, Babydoll ?" but I told him "I didn't show it to you the first time! You just read it by yourself!" and he said it's true, because I was just meat back then, but now he's just going to ask me if I want to show it to him by myself. I begged him and said "Please Psych, please don't make me show it to you. Can't you help me any other way ?" because I have nothing, nothing at all, and it is just too sad. He said "then tell me what's in it ?" and I said ok though I didn't really want to, but I asked him would a dream be ok ? And he said sure, so I told him my dream with the owner this morning, and I asked, "Why do I still think about him ? He doesn't even care about me, he's probably gone somewhere and I'm sure he's not thinking of that stupid girl from three days ago or whatever it is that I am, to him." Psych said "I'm going to tell you a little about yourself, Princess. Do you want me to ?" And I said ok so he said that the way I see things, in my mind, comes from Doll's notions of Platonism, such as they are, but I haven't thought it all through or anything, and I'm somewhat of a more stoic inclination naturally, so because of these factors I very strongly believe it's not acceptable for anyone to see themselves as that person who always gets everything, whatever it is they want, they get it all and all the time and no matter what. And I said of course not, that's just stupid and what stupid people do. Then he looked at me and he said, go to the couch, little slave, and lie down. So I did, because he has a huge leather couch in his office and it's so comfortable! I nearly fell asleep while we were talking! But he came after me and sat at my feet and put them in his lap and rubbed them in his hands. It was so nice and I was getting so relaxed!

He said "But you are, Princess. You are that person who always gets what they want, no matter what it is, no matter what. It's been your life so far." He stopped, but I didn't say anything. I don't know what to say, I mean it's kinda true, but not really. He said "When Doll held you down that morning for the owner you wanted him to do it to you because you thought she wants you to. That's what you do with her, you want what you think she wants you to want. Then you didn't get it, but you still wanted it, because you didn't want it because you were getting it, you wanted it because you thought Doll wanted you to want it. That is your conflict, you can't say to yourself oh, why didn't I get it, I always get everything because your ideology blocks you from saying that. You can't even think about it, you won't let yourself. But you also can't help noticing, you know from your everyday life that yes, you do get everything all the time. So you're left wondering, you have to wonder what happened. You have to ask, but you can't ask, and that's why you still think about him. It really has nothing at all to do with him." and I said "Oh."

Then he didn't say anything so I asked him "Is that why he left ?" but Psych said "No Babydoll, he left because of his own reasons, that have nothing to do with you. You have to learn this. You have to teach yourself this. What Masters do is about them, not about you. What you do is about them, not about you, and what they do is about them, not about you. That's what slavery is, and how the enslaved woman lives. That's why they even enslave women in the first place." and I said "They are much stronger together that way." and he said yes, and I said "Because they both pull together, instead of at each other", and he said "Exactly!" I said "But it's so hard, Psych. It's so hard, and it hurts." and he said "I know, baby, I know. That pain, that pain is your life." and as he said that, rubbing my feet I loved him so much, he hurt me so deep and so sharp inside, not where whips go but deep inside and I wanted it again and again. I wanted more from him. I said to him "You are hurting me so much" and then I took a breath and said to him "You are hurting me so deep and so sharp inside." I stopped, and cried, but he didn't say anything. I said "Please do it every time you feel like it, please." and he told me I can only take a little bit at a time, but with practice I'll take more and more and it'll never run out, not until I'm much older anyways.

I cried and cried while Psych held my feet in his hands, and then when I felt a little better I took a deep breath like before jumping in really cold water, because holllyy-y-y it's gonna suck! I asked him "Why should I want things Psych ?" but he answered the craziest thing! He said it's no problem to want what Doll wants me to, or I think she does. He said it's very common at my age, and there's nothing wrong with it at all. It makes me so happy to write it down. I hope you see it someday Dolly boss bitch, there's nothing wrong with it, I love you and it's ok! I always want what you want me to, even if it's painful or scary or difficult and I was so afraid when I saw him because sisi really hurt when she pulled me apart even if I didn't say anything and his cock looked so scary and bent and I was afraid he will be harsh with me and I will die. But I wanted it anyway even if maybe I die and I never see you again except at the funeral, I wanted it anyway and it's ok and there's nothing wrong with it because Psych says so!

Then we talked about many things, and also about my baes, and I told him I think Doll and Sylvia are depressed but he said they'll be ok, and then he said they think sisi has probably reached her mental potential, and it's usually when whores are started on THC, what do I think ? I asked him what that is, and he said it's a special substance, a drug just like the whoremones, but this one makes a whore loopy in the head and not really able to remember anything too complicated or care so much about her mind anymore, just kinda makes her happy and relaxed and lets her live her life every day one day at a time so she doesn't care anymore about anything big, really. I asked him if he thinks sisi would like that, and he said probably. He said she'll certainly stick to it by herself, if they start her. I asked him if he has to do it, and he mumbled something about procedure and then he said "Well princess... I won't do it if you forbid it. Do you ?" And I told him I don't know, but don't start it just yet ? And he said ok, and besides, the buyer can do it himself anyway whenever he wants, once we're sold off. Then he asked me if I want dogslave dogfucked. I said "Oh, that is a real thing ?" because I thought Alana was just making bullshit up. He said it is, but it is a dubious idea. I asked him if it would hurt dogslave ? He said oh no, not at all, that's not it. But it will make some people much more interested in us, to buy us so we'll be their slaves, and some other people not interested anymore, so it's important for our future, because it changes where we will probably end up. I hadn't thought about it at all that way, and I told him I really have to think about it, because I don't know these things very well, or even at all.

After that he told me it is time to go, Princess, but I kinda didn't want to leave anymore, though at first I kinda didn't want to come at all. But I kneeled down and said "Sir, I am sorry for giving you so much trouble. Please forgive this dumb whore." and he told me I'm easily forgiven because he knows I did it with my heart. So I walked back to our place and there were sisi and Alana, they were in bed together, and Alana tried to make sisi her whore! She told me herself, she said "Princess, I tried to steal sisi away from you, and you should hear about it from me. I tried as hard as I know how, but I can not do it, and it is because you are better than me. She loves you not me and everyone ever does and I am so jealous of you!" I was like wow wtf, but I told her "How can you be jealous of me Alana ? You have your hole made in you, and your Master loves you and every man hates me and maybe always will." but she shook her head and she said "He doesn't love me, Babydoll. He uses me. He uses me and I use him. We use each other, that is all, but we don't love each other, not like you stupid whores do. You stupid whores don't know anything and are still better than everyone! It's just not fair!" and she started crying. We tried to hug her in the middle of ourselves, me and sisi, like Doll and Sylvia did to me, but she kept pushing us away, though less and less and eventually we sandwiched her, and made Alana burger!

Then a new girl came with lunch and I asked her what is your name pretty girl ? She said it's Lana and I laughed and said Another Lana but she just blushed and didn't know what to do. I told her to bring everything into the bedroom and I told Alana to lie down on her hands and knees with her back really straight and told Another Lana to set all the stuff on her back like it is a table. When she was done I clapped my hands and said "Look sisi, Another Lana laid out Alana table!" and Sylvia and Doll and dogslave came from their hole trainer. They have a bunch of things now that really are a lot like slavestones I think but they're for the cunt and a kind of balls that go inside and you kneel and move your ass back and forth and it just tingles you inside and eventually it's like thunderstrike orgasm! I wish some man cared enough about me already to make me my hole so I could try these things out with them, but they say I have to be patient, lucky bitches. They don't even know how lucky they are.

We all ate except Alana, because tables do not eat, it is just a great honor for them to be tables. Although I think both sisi and Sylvia snuck things to her because they were sitting around her mouth, especially the lamb because I think she really likes it. Then after we were done eating I told everyone about Alana and what she confessed, I made her stand up straight and on tiptoes and with her arms way up in front of everyone while I told them and she was crying but silently with big tears rolling down her neck and dripping off her humongoboobs, and everyone was laughing at her and calling her names and she was just so sad! She fell down on her knees sobbing and she begged "Please, you are hurting me so much" just like sisi does, so you don't know if she's begging for you to stop or to do it to her even more. And I said "No you wayward whore, beg us to make fun of you more because you like it so much when we do" and she sobbed and sobbed and eventually whispered "Please Princess, hurt me more" and Meron was smiling so big and wide because she also came in meanwhile to get her Lana back I think. And I said "And she doesn't even love her Master! They just use each other! She told me so!" and Alana lost her shit! She was just squirming on the floor and snotting and crying all crazy, tears were not even rolling down her face but squirting out of her eyes! She has a strong cunt and strong eyelids too, this Alana bitch!

But then sisi went and kneeled next to her and whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek and Alana wasn't trying to push her away anymore! So I went on the other side and we all piled on her and we just mass pilehugged while Alana was just crying her heart out, we couldn't even believe how much water that girl had in her eyes, she got everyone soaking wet, like we went dipping in the Alana pool! Then Lana took the dishes out and Meron took us to the spa, but she didn't want to get into the jacuzzi with us, she asked to be forgiven and that she has much work to do though she would love to be with us. So Meron left and then we taked with Alana serious while soaking. Doll and I explained things to her, and how it is with slavery and that she must really tell her Master the truth and beg him to forgive her and really take it all in from him whatever it is. And I told her wasn't it good on the floor, when I hurt you and it was so painful and you wanted to hate me but you knew you could not do it ? Even if you wanted to, which you didn't really want to, even though it's so unfair ? And she didn't want to say at first but then she started crying again and she just went underwater but then she came up later and she asked me if the bubbles told us ? Because she said it underwater! But we said she has to tell normal and clear not underwater, and she told us that yes it was the best but very whispered and she wouldn't look at anyone while she said it.

Then she said "But aren't we whores, Babydoll ? We're supposed to care about giving ourselves well, not about who we're giving ourselves to!" and I told her that's silly, and not what a whore is at all. So she asked me what is a whore then, and I said it's a girl who makes things, many good things as best she can only for her pimp to take away from her! and she said she never made anything. So everyone laughed and Sylvia reached and put her finger inside Alana's cunt underwater and said "Squeeze!" and Alana I think squeezed her and Sylvia asked her "What do you call this ?" But Alana said squeezing your cunt is making something ? And Doll said "Is it nothing ?" and I said silly Alana, you make lots and lots of things, but she said she thought it means making a painting or something, or a symphony. A symphony is not something fake by the way, it is just some large music. And Doll asked her, "Why do people look at paintings or listen to symphonies ?" and Alana said because they like it, and it is interesting. And Doll just looked at her, and I laughed, and Alana said "So you're not really whores, more like cunt artists" and Sylvia asked her what is the difference ? and Doll said "Some whores are terrible at it, that's all, it doesn't mean they need a special word."

Then Alana asked for permission to go be with her Master, and we told her sure! And we went back to our place and there we talked more about the day and things, and how weird everyone around here is all the time, and I told them about what the psych told me about myself, except the part about you Doll tee hee and also about Sylvia. Doll stroke my hair and Sylvia just kissed me and everyone was listening and sisi was face down on the bed kicking her feet back and forth and dogslave was sitting on her ass by our feet. I told them what he said about sisi, and Doll said wow, they have pot and Sylvia said she'd love some pot. I asked her what is it, and she said just this thing you smoke, and I asked her if it's true what Psych said that it makes a whore loopy and kinda out of it and she said yeah. So I said NO POT FOR ANYONE! and they were awww! but didn't say anything and then I told them about dogslave! And Sylvia said "I bet" about how it would change our future because some people won't be interested anymore, and she said it is a very stupid thing to do. I think dogslave was maybe kinda curious about trying it, but I think Doll didn't think it is a good idea at all and Sylvia said "You'll lose the Arabs." because there are these people who live on a sort of island and they don't eat pig or drink alcohol, and they won't let a slave they buy drink alcohol either except maybe sometime, but not eat pig and certainly not fuck dog, they're crazy and they really prefer buying virgins and they're probably the best Masters to have that there are because they're so rich and passionate but the problem is many are also very clueless and prejudiced, which is when people think they know things that they really don't. "Like Alana ?" I said, and everyone laughed, but I think it's maybe true. I will ask her if her Master is Arab, because she is exactly like that, passionate and prejudiced and very rich, even if she doesn't know it, but I don't know anyone with a cunt like hers that can take a fist and a pen and everything else she can do.

Then we talked more and we didn't really want to split up but eventually I was very sleepy and sisi was kinda napping already and we just all went to bed, and Doll and Sylvia were just by themselves, but before going to bed I stayed with them in their bed a little bit and kissed their cheeks and mouths and told them I love them and then I went back to my whores who were both asleep, but they woke up when I got into bed and hugged me and we all went snoozy-bye.

Continued >>