Maria full of... grace

Maria full of graceⁱ is such an idiotic piece of dreck my mind can compass no alternative explanation for its existence besides some schmucks over at Femstate.DEA so firmly invested in the (thoroughly discredited) "silver bullet" bunk that they manufactured what they thought would be an effectual piece of agitprop, perhaps intended to work along the lines of "it'll clot the stupid in the the female Colombian adolescent brain so fucking hard through mere exposure, she'll become unusable for the drug cartels even as a drug mule". I mean, Argentine retardation is freestanding as such, but cretinolade in the degree here before us stands squarely beyond what's naturally possible. Outside of very "enlightened" ESLtards nothing can conceivably explain it.ⁱⁱ

Imagine, if you will, the juvenile gangbangers involved in receiving the mules on the US sideⁱⁱⁱ, a coupla dorksters barely organized enough to wash their own hair on something resembling a regular schedule, yet so willing an' dedicated (not to mention impatient) as to butcher some bitch in a motel room. These two kids, who've not in their life as much as carved a whole chicken, nevertheless opened a nubile girly from cleft to sternum, Hungarian hussar style. What, problem ? Not like they were gonna fucking wait around for her to shit the "double wrapped" latex glove fingers back out, holy hell who has time for that, stripping a carcass is a lot more fun especially without tools or as much as a meat hook! Not like it'll do anything more than maybe some delicate handprints on the doorways and such anyways! If only the 1920s Chicago meatpacking plants knew about these genius producers' magic sauce for slaughter...

But be all that as it may^iv, these dorksters as described have the following to say to the two dumb bitches who ran away from them : nothing. Yeah, that's right, it's date night on the New York dating scene, and the explanations preggo 17yo barefoot Colombian has to profer upon taking a powder are... not a fucking word. Instead, they'll give them money, I swear to fucking hell, all it takes is for the dumb bitches to assume the position (you know, hands on hips, nose upturned) and it'll rain thousands of dollars, not like a coupla bucks'd have bought five pounds of zipties at the local office store after which they could've simply fucked them in every hole (naturally occuring or not so naturally occuring) for the few hours they still stayed warm. Given the alternatives... what do you think baby gangbanger Hesus'd do^v ?

The whole thing proceeds in this utterly insensate, incomprehensibly meaningless manner, nothing even remotely resembling characters or a plot or even common fucking sense at any juncture to any degree at all involved. Female interests from a female perspective, the bane of all cinema, all reason, all interest and everything else -- snails fucking'd be much more worthy of recording on film, at least those'd be doing something.^vi

A shameful display.

1. 2004, by nobody, with nobody, for nobody the fuck ever. [↩]
2. And if there's an active grant giving out "free tvs" to Colombian rural schools "in exchange for" screening this shit weekly, thereby you've got your answer. [↩]
3. Which... seriously, who the fuck would fly them from Bogota all the way to La Guardia ?! It's twice the distance to Florida, and what the fuck business do a buncha Latinas have in Jew York ? Not like they're from Puerto Rico or anything.

   Imagine also if you will how very fucking difficult it'd be for even the most addled customs agents available (as quite accurately depicted by the lanky weirdo in City Hall) to notice that "hey... there's a buncha seventeen year old Latino females traveling '''on vacation''' and alone, something that's never seen in their fucking culture ever". "If they catch one the others have a better chance to make it" indeed. [↩]

4. The police involvement in all this stu also something beyond all possible lulz : it's all intermediated by a magical negro / bail bondsman / religious community leader, whom "the police of New Jersey, a small town next to New York" are more than happy to forward square inch bad photographs of random girlies recently murdered in suspicious circumstances, no questions asked, because... seriously now, why'd anyone ask any questions! At all!

   The magical negro also does corpse repatriation, for a $2`500 fee, which has to be paid to him (apparently, in cash, and -- also apparently -- tax extempt). [↩]

5. I have also a picture of a figurine holding its balls, somewhere, I'm pretty sure, but now I can't find it. [↩]
6. Dumb bitches can't even swallow grapes whole. Fucken grapes!

   What the fuck is everyone in this imaginary "Columbia" even doing with their time ?! [↩]