You know me, all!

So I wake up this morning, to find... but really, I am no man of literature and such things, so better yet if I let the pros handle it for me. Here, let's have a lis'n :

But I have not told you the worst of it yet Al. When I come back to the flat Allen and Marie and Florrie was busy packing up and they asked me how I come out. I told them and Allen just stood there stareing like a big rummy but Marie and Florrie both begin to cry and I almost felt like as if I would like to cry to only I am not no baby Al.

Well Al I told Florrie she might just is well quit packing and make up her mind that she was not going nowheres till I got money enough to go to Bedford where I belong. She kept right on crying and it got so I could not stand it no more so I went out to get a drink because I still had just about a dollar left yet.

It was about 2 oclock when I left the flat and pretty near 5 when I come back because I had ran in to some fans that knowed who I was and would not let me get away and besides I did not want to see no more of Allen and Marie till they was out of the house and on their way.

But when I come in Al they was nobody there. They was not nothing there except the furniture and a few of my things scattered round. I sit down for a few minutes because I guess I must of had to much to drink but finally I seen a note on the table addressed to me and I seen it was Florrie's writeing.

I do not remember just what was there in the note Al because I tore it up the minute I read it but it was something about I could not support no wife and Allen had gave her enough money to go back to Texas and she was going on the 6 oclock train and it would not do me no good to try and stop her.

Well Al they was not no danger of me trying to stop her. She was not no good Al and I wisht I had not of never saw either she or her sister or my brother-in-law.

For a minute I thought I would follow Allen and his wife down to the deepo where the special train was to pull out of and wait till I see him and punch his jaw but I seen that would not get me nothing.

So here I am all alone Al and I will have to stay here till you send me the money to come home. You better send me $25 because I have got a few little debts I should ought to pay before I leave town. I am not going to Milwaukee Al because I did not get no decent deal and nobody cannot make no sucker out of me.

Right ?

Exactly the same thing exactly. Except of course for some stuff.

Like the implication that there'd be some guessing involved, which immediately marks the difference between the man who owns the harem and the others, men or otherwise, who do not own it : I know who dun it directly.

But let's move on, pick up some chicks.

An' now that we picked 'em up ("hey babe, you workin' ???") let's buy them some shoes, specifically bubblegum pink 8 inch platforms.

You know, to go with the schoolgirl outfit we picked up in a large department store right amongst the rafts o' mothers & fathers getting their post-pubescent dollies dollied up for school. Needless to say it took some doing, what with finding pinskirts large enough and matching them to men's shirts because guess what, "hay diferencias entre chicas y mujeres, los chicas no tienen tetas".

As my topless sluts were coming in and out of the pair of dressing rooms reserved for our expansive needs while a small mousy girly squirmed under the pile of various she was holding up for us, either to be tried or to be paid or to be refolded or whatever else, everyone got a right-proper eyefull & earfull (no cuntfull so far, as of yet). Kinda funny to watch the bare midriff collegiate chicks all smiles at the gent sitting by himself on the bench in the middle, only to turn stormy around the eyebrows as the doors started opening.

But I didn't have to order anyone on her knees, at least not this time. And it wasn't even that expensive, either!

To be perfectly clear : 1`238.94 colones (aka 2.04108731 USD) plus 161.96 in tax (a further 0.26533772 USD) comes to a round figure of no money, no problems.

I am also proud to report that the platforms in question already, as to the time of this writing, saw in excess of 15 miles walked, or twenty hours' usage, which makes them 15 cents to the mile (or a dime to the hour). I defy you to find any woman anywhere that owns a pair of heels that can live up to this standard.

Come on, big boy, ten cents an hour!

Is they is o' is they ain't the cutest ?

Signed,
Your pal,
the most humble jack of all horrors.