The burlesque competition and assorted observances

Note : this article also covers the day of Saturday, June 29th.ⁱ

Took my baby on a Saturday bang...

First off, there's one excellent sushi place in Warsaw : Izumi Sushi (they have a few locations, we went catty-corner from Dworzec Centralny). Phototime!

Eminently inexpensive, yet the kimchi pork broth and especially the tom yun were absolutely fabulous, I daresay the best I've ever had ; the red snapper, eel, butterfish and salmon roe most delicious, and everything else very good indeed.

So Nicole found the venue : it's Warsaw's Voodoo clubⁱⁱ. Check this shit out :

Yes ?

Yes!

Hell yes!

I'll spare you the visuals of the girls naked among the crosses and things, during full daytime in a perfectly open bar, because who could possibly wanna see that! Instead, let me recount the paddle acquisition.

So Nicole points out to me they have a very nice box of paddles and things by the bar ; I go there to check it out, and am met by this guy behind the bar, the picture perfect image of oldschool biker leather & metal. Vodka, I say. He turns around, opens the freezer behind him, reaches in and produces for my inspection a thoroughly iced over half litter bottle of a clear fluid labeled Zubrowka Biala. Most inclined to trust the locals with their spirits after the excellent cherry thing we ran into previously, I nod approvingly. He produces a Piece Of Shit, upon which he makes the string "0.84 PLN" appear. "What the fuck" is my first impulse, but then it all makes sense and I nod approvingly. "Ice" I say, and he produces a bucket and fills it with ice. "Shotglasses" I show an inch between thumb and fingers, and he produces some of those, which I have him put in the bucket.

And here comes the hard part. I turn around, point to the glass case opposite the bar, and ask if I can borrow one. He doesn't understand this ; he excuses himself with heartfelt regret for not speaking English (can you believe this shit ?!) then proceeds to point to one of the awkward lezzie pair that was standing noncommitally about in the bar (perhaps waiting for their turn to order ?) and says something in the local guttural orclang which I imagine must've worked as a "hey! you there!".

The girl is thereby and forthwith conscripted into translation work for him, which is how things work here. By apparently long standing Polish precedent by now probably enshrined into law if not outright constitution, it is the indisputable priviledge of any person selling anything to draft any local within pointing range into the job of capuchehaie (Turkish kapi kahyasi), treti-logofat or similar. So the girly explains as best she can (through disturbed giggles and the derpy looks the adult children of yurp give when they suspect maybe you're just accidentally talking of the incunabula, and just as soon as the confusion that must be clouding your better judgement is dispelled you'll immediately fall in their line, because holy shit who could be seriously talking about paddles!) that they're for sale!

"So can't I borrow it ?" "Oh no", she assures me (no doubt because who could possibly want such a thing), exchanging glances of support with her bffⁱⁱⁱ and some other girlies in the growing crowd assisting, "it's for sale." "Ok, so how much does it cost ?" I inquire to dislodge this idiocy. At this, the item I point to is produced from among its peers in the glass case, and indeed the price is ascertained -- 250 zloty (about fiddy bucks). The girly is regarding me triumphantly, such a sum!^iv. "He made it", she most generously provides the elegant way out, so we can move the conversation away from all this scary shit. "So... can I try it before buying", I inquire towards the bartender/owner. "I can do whatever the fuck I please", he assures me with a grand gesture.

Of course I can. What I happen to please is to call Nicole over, and have her bend over, and lift her skirt in front of everyone, exposing her all, and then whack her a few. Very nice item ; so I buy it, and go back to my table in stunned silence. The bartender later follows me, to show me his (very well made by the way) presentation video for the previous event -- there's a delicious young hussy ass in there that could certainly take some attention -- and to show me the date of the next -- July the 20th. I have half a mind to attend... oh btw Nicole, get in touch with the guy, tell him I had a fabulous time and see what he has to say.

So I show him as if in exchange pics of my sluts naked among his implements on the wall, and we part on the friendliest of terms -- because, you see, he has to tend the fucking bar. We bought three more bottles during the night, without having to be bothered with things such as queues or anything, alltogether a pleasant arrangement. This incidentally makes for a grand total of two liters of vodka, that we mostly drank by ourselves. A small group of mostly females putting away two liters of vodka on the second night of a heavy weekend! How's that for a bender ? How's that for an anything, really ? When's the last time you casually exposed a twentysomething EVERY SINGLE DAY in random public venues for the faintest whiff of personal convenience ? My life's what books wished they were made out of, I swear.

But what we really went there for was Warsaw Burlesque Night - Summer Edition. Here :

And here's the organizer, that Candy chick :

Only performer to use a pole, some chick supposedly from Japan. They really have terrible support for acts, no names printed anywhere, no website links, it's like the dark ages.

People undoing the pole. How many Poles does it take to undo a pole ?

Fifteen or so minutes in I hollered "you can't unscrew the lightbulb", which the DJ tried to run with ; but in general extremely sterilized audience, you'd think they were gathered at the Fil Harmonic or somethin'. However far you may judge the spectacle falls away from your burlesque ideals, let me tell you the audience was degrees of magnitude and entire sigmas even further away from any kind of burlesque audience.^v

Some Czech chick whose name I forget. The fact that she didn't like my dog & gynecologist joke, however, I do not forget.

Chicago-born comedy relief :

French girl with an utterly photo-proof act, very poorly illuminated. Nice tits, though.

And here's a glimpse backstage :

I confess about this juncture I was in the middle of being orally distracted. I suspect I've missed a few acts ; in any case I have no idea who this is or what she's doing.

Alice in wonderland act, rather old school, technically polished. Won the costume prize if I recall.

Chick won the public vote (I dunno how that went, I had moved on to the bar by then).

Very fucking brave, considering they have nothing even vaguely resembling showers backstage. In fact, the whole pile could drastically benefit from some gentlemanly assistance.

By far Hannah's favourite act, this Adele chick and her violin-playing partner.

And now, time to finally take a piss. Check out the bathroom walls :

Anything there catching your fancy ?

And speaking of faire dinette : time for a souper fin. We chose Stolica (Szeroki Dunai 1/3, Stare Miasto) which had the mentioned-in-despatches pickles, excellent soup (sour Polish for the gals and fish & boletus for me), fine lamb on lentils, salmon, pork -- that thing in the middle (last pic) is rabbit, you know, the works.

In closing I augur y'all a most traditional "sanatate si virtute, c-am avea ce bea si-ar cam fi ce fute", or in other words...

Noi sa fim sanatosi!

———

1. Because I had some drinks and other shit to do, what do you want from me! [↩]
2. al. Prymasa Tysiąclecia 48A, 01-242 Warszawa, Poland. Website. [↩]
3. I really am too intense for most girlies doing anything. The waitress at the sushi place could barely breathe, the 17 yo bussing tables at some other joint we ate in could barely get her eyes off me, "can you pack this" (pickles, proper, salt made, how the fuck was I gonna leave them), "I ask" then upon asking, "Can I pack this" stated in the gnomic affirmative. Cuz yes she can, see, her apron all disturbed to the side and her poor youthful heart as still as a colibri bird.

   Cute as a button, too, but what the hell, I'm going to fuck seventeen year olds now ?! Let her grow out the tits a while, apply later. [↩]

4. You laugh, but upon asking very nervous girly who did her nails, as she didn't seem capable of the very even job, she told me her sister bought her a professional job, it was immensely expensive but since she wasn't paying for it... "How expensive was it ?" "30 euros!"

   So no, nobody got any spare fiddies, very sorry to tell you bop. [↩]

5. I suppose Felini's Roma is as good a documentary entry point as can be had by those too young to have lived in the 20s. [↩]