Pizd-atrage da' curu' trage. Ca-n viata : tragic.

Insumi Hey, do you remember lo these many years ago I bought some electric cable, spun it up upon itself, shoved it up your butt and made a whole Trilema article about it ?
curva Yeah...

Insumi I honestly don't even know why. For some reason it seemed like a cool idea at the time.
curva DIY, right ? Like the punk movement.

Insumi We never did that again, did we ?
curva Nope. Nor anything of the sort.

Insumi Do you miss it ?
curva Not at all. It was a stupid idea to begin with.

Insumi I do seem to recall a rather... clinical atmosphere about the whole proceeding. I guess that glass table didn't help either.
curva It was weird. Like alien weird, not like...

Insumi Wired weird.
curva This was actually why you did it, wasn't it ?

Insumi What ?
curva The whole article. You had me on my back with wires sticking out of my asshole for no reason whatsoever than you wanted to write -- in Romanian, no less -- an article that'd make that English joke. That's it, we each separately belaboured a pun for like half an hour, this is the fruit of my hole & your hands for the interval.

Insumi I don't even recall this specifically, but I bet you're exactly right.
curva Ha.

Insumi What did you mean by the punk above ?
curva Oh give me a break. You couldn't possibly not have noticed the whole TMSR/Republic thing is simply a continuation of 1980s punk.

Insumi What ?
curva It is.

Insumi Dude...
curva You're unfamiliar with the scene ; read up on it. Although I suspect feigned unfamiliarity.

Insumi They didn't fucking wash!
curva For a reason. And you don't rounded corners, either.

Insumi They were poor.
curva Circumstantially, not substantially. You're poor too, in the same sense of poverty.

Insumi If you stretch the cheese so, anything's anything else's continuation.
curva You yourself think this, else why go to all the trouble of redefining it.

Insumi I wasn't redefining anything. That is the historical sense.
curva Not for thirty years.

Insumi I don't care!
curva Perhaps you don't. What about this article then ?

Insumi Huh ? Ah, right, the article. Ever since then, all sorts of dudes keep posting lengthy, circular, rambly comments about how they anally masturbate by wrapping up various presentations of sheet polyethylene. I didn't even realise when I brought it up, but now it's quite clear : I didn't write that article as a guide to cheap homoeroticism. I wrote it specifically for the contrast between my shirtsleeves and the contraption, very Jeremy-Irons-is-a-dentist cool to it. And yes, in full awareness of how easily misinterpreted it will be.
curva The lonely faggot club is culturally appropriating your artwork ?

Insumi Uncomprehendingly!
curva And on the very grooves you left there specifically for their convenience. Poor baby.

Insumi You know, I like talking to you. It'd have taken me fifty thousand words to not quite get the original point across (in no small part because I didn't even understand it, originally). Twenty lines of dialogue resolve the same problem, with bonuses.
curva You know... it seems to me that hand in hand with a preoccupation with putting things up your ass goes a very deep loneliness. Remember the goatse guy ? I suppose an audience is the least balm for that sadness.

Insumi My grandfather... I didn't know the fellow very well. Through the saddest mismatch he was a person before I was -- I mean whatever, a child, not really a person, right ? Then just as I started becoming he started slipping away, because old people aren't really persons either, not after a while. I guess not absolutely all of them, but it is common enough. We never actually got that close, not closer than two trains passing each other as the old figure goes. But at some point, I must've been maybe eleven or so, he gave me some sexual advice. This was rather out of character, and rather out of context, too -- I wasn't, at that time, in any sense interested. Nevertheless, he said "Sa nu-ti faci bucuria singur, altfel vei fi singur toata viata".ⁱ
curva Wow.

Insumi You know, it unites your observation, which I imagine you must've obtained in some manner from your own experience of life, with my own. It's not like you knew the guy, old Romanian dude went with the Nazis all the way to Odessa. I don't imagine you've ever met ; nor have I thought of it before, ever, at all, until just now. Yet something you jointly must've seen, because yes, it's true, and because your wordchoice somehow evoked it. There's this evident correlation between the two. It makes no sense, if pressed I wouldn't know whence to even start unrolling "reason" cloth upon this worldly rib, yet there it is.
curva Certainly puts "masturbation-only" sexual "education" in one helluva context.

1. Approximately, "don't make your own joy, you'll be alone your whole life."

   The formulation is strikingly impossible in Romanian, the man might've been the last one to have used that peculiar euphemism for masturbation ; nor do I believe he was, to quote,

   He chose to do this by delivering a short homily on the advantages of school, by which he might lead Dick to look on the matter in the calm light of reason and common sense, and commonplaces on the subject began to rise to the surface of his mind, from the rather muddy depths to which they had long since sunk. He began to give Dick the benefit of all this stagnant wisdom, with a feeling of surprise as he went on, at his own powerful and original way of putting things.

   which is to say, I believe the formulation, while not necessarily original, nevertheless was his in the common sense that goes. [↩]