#joketime

You know what's so great about Europe ? I'll tell you : it's the little things. I don't care about no royale with cheese, of course, but I do love me a good joke -- and nobody in the sad new world does jokes worth an European goat's shit.

So let's write down what we remember from this weekend's crop, three or four parties not to mention cab drivers, random waitresses, bums in the train stationⁱ and so forth. Without further ado, let's get to it :

The Easter bunny's climbing the stairs to a hruscheba, and runs into Santa Claus who's hurrying back down.
"What the fuck are you doing here ?!"
"Man... whatever you do, don't start talking with that old hag in 19F."

Zorro sees a knockout hottie hanging out by the fence of a construction lot. To impress her, he pulls out his foil and in two fell swoops spells Z right next to her.
She's very fucking impressed by the display : "Wow, Zuperman!"

What should you do for a hippo with diarrhea ?
Make room.

What's the difference between a suicidal dude and a 16yo virgin chick ?
The dude's trying to dy, the chick's dying to try.

I soliti ignoti break into a bank and manage to open the safe. They notice it's kinda fucking cold in there, and on top of everything all they can find is yoghurt.

So... what can you do, they drink it all and get the fuck out of there. A few hours later, they're walking by the corner of the block the bank's on. Lotta cop cars, flashing lights, the works. They go up to one guy guarding the perimeter sorta to the side, and ask him
"Did they make off with all the dough ?"
"What dough, this is a sperm bank."

Dude stops in a gas station, and when the attendant comes over he asks for five drops of gas in the tank and three drops of oil in the engine.
"Would you like me to try and fart a little in the tyres, too ?"

Kids' first day at the kindergarten, so the teacher asks him what he wants to be when he grows up.
"A billionaire, like my daddy."
"Is your daddy a billionaire ?!"
"No, but he wants to be."

Today was a sad day, we had to disconnect granny from the life support machines. Nothing doing, we needed that socket to plug the phone charger.

At a bridal boutique :
"Do you have any teracotta bridal bouquets ? Or anything in brick ?"

There were more, but there also was palinca, not to mention butts, so what can you do.

1. And by the back alley next to the club,
   "You stole my hat! Hey! That's my hat!" yells after me some barbone in three torn coats by a supermarket cart bent in two dozen places, fulla plastic bags and whatnot.
   "Daddy-o, this hat's from Columbia, you ever heard of such a place even ?"
   "Of course I heard! I have kids there!" he sticks to his shtick.

   No, I didn't give him my fucking hat, but it's sure nice to talk to people who can think of something to say besides "cuidado". [↩]