Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Storyⁱ is a little shining gem of a movie you absolutely must watch. I am aware it has John Reilly in it, and most people of taste and breeding eschew anything featuring that hammy oaf. Let's say that the film was made for a hammy oaf title character, and so for once in his life Reilly is not out of place. Like one of those dreamy alt-realities where, for instance, fat "feminists" are somehow people, Walk Hard is an imaginary reality where Reilly works as an actor. The magic of the silver screen, what can I tell you, it produces impossible, absurd but fascinating non-worlds.

The story is approximately that of the Trump-before-Trump, of the Buffett-before-Buffett, back when the name of the coolest-guy-of-his-generation-the-cuckolds-and-jews-won't-name was... Johnny Caaaaaaaa-aaaash! You know, basic shit like fucking over four hundred women, siring three dozen children in the process, marrying a few of them too just for good measure (not necessarily at different times), eating (sometimes through the nose) everything found on the road and so on and so forth. A fundamental, vital, virile man, complete and definitive, and consequently oh so deliciously scary for the girlies.

The execution works well because the contrast between the "simple country simplicity" of the leading character, who very naturally appears quite dim throughout, and the batshit insane nonsense composing the recent history of that god forsaken colony. Their interplay, as exposed on the breadboard of unforgiving, Voltairean plainness of expressionⁱⁱ illuminates something fundamental about the essential inferiority of "muricans". Intellectual, first and foremost, cultural and civilisational as a necessary result, but perhaps at the lowest level a myopia of feeling, a shunted, mongoloid faculty for emotion. A nation that can be (and repeatedly has been!) sold on the notion that "here's a list of words not to say to get to heaven" is a little more... I mean a little less... well in any case something other than a nation of misfortunate human beings beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Perhaps not exactly a nation of irredemable imbeciles, structurally unable to humanity, left out of any sort of covenant. Nevertheless, evidently not quite people for some reason. Perhaps not yet ; perhaps not ever. I guess we'll see.

How the hell could you not watch it ? You must.

PS. There's tits, if it helps. And a plain and unadorned penis. How many films ever dared ? How many people mastered these, so their use of "dirty bits" is something besides "here's a huh-huh-huh ehh huh-huh-huh" Buttheadery ? Name three.

PPS. Did I mention it is funny ? It is funny. Go see it.

1. 2007, nominally by Jake Kasdan though evidently a Judd Apatow movie. With nobody in particular such as John C. Reilly. [↩]
2. "The wrong kid died!"

   Who, other than yours truly, do you know who could have written that line in this language, and signed it ?

   Yeah, me either. Old man spends his old age making little songs on the theme! [↩]