Simple method to moisturize the female
This is a translation of an older article, Metoda simpla de umezit femeia, if you care.
If memory serves I did say I use condoms. Ah, yes, I did, I recall the indignation of the citizenry on the topic. And since I recalled, let's quote history :
I propose a Marcel Popescui contestii whereby folks are to say how (and perhaps where) they see the Trilemianiii in 10 years. The winner gains karmaiv, trolemav creditsvi or ciupacawanezian guldensvii.
So there you go, evaluations season is open. Anyone who produces one can vote on the others, in the end the one with most votes wins, you know the spiel as we've done this here before so the "blogosphere" has what to copy as its "own" initiatives.viii The winner receives at his own option either ten Bitcoinix, or else forty thousand and something karma (I'm too lazy to check exact conversion rates) or forty thousand and some Trilema credits, or one pair of used underwear from the harem (whichever they choose, and they'll probably be almost new for the predictable reason that not usually being worn they don't own any so I guess Ima buy them some and then take 'em walking for a day or something).
I await under maximal anxiety, and meanwhile let's come back to the topic. Doing it with a condom has many advantages but also the valuatively undetermined property of protecting from mechanical stress. This means that if the chick's dry and you fuck her bareback she'll grind you down like a razor (and in case you're wondering why your prepuce's not separated yet in spite of fucking for decades -- it's because you've not raped anyone yet, what), but if you've a condom on it makes no differencex, which is to say it's uncomfortable for her but you don't care. As a direct and unavoidable result of this circumstance many of the knowledges known back when provisions were scarcer and thereby people more inclined to manage and thereby necessarily more executivelyxi independent are lost today, and all the dicklet knows anymore is that if the gal's frowningxii stick some more lube in the little lube hole. Daddy-o, fucking lube's a little sad, you know, especially when the hole's not an asshole. My oppinion.xiii
And then... let's come back to the topic. The simplest, most direct and efficient method of moisturizing the female is to stick it in her. Seriously now, you hold her lovingly in your arms, you talk together of whatever it is you talk of but your dick's not outside as generally practiced, but inside her cunt. And you just sit put, there's no problem, it's warm and pleasant inside, what's the big deal. Is it written somewhere that if you go in automatically and immediately you must also go out ? It's not written, so keep it in.
She could maybe squeeze now and again, or if qualified she could even fuck you like dolphinesxiv (I've no idea if you know, but dolphines fuck like that, the dolphin sticks his baseball bat inside -- for he's got one, daddy-o, bout five kilograms' worth of dick on the average dolphin -- and they start with the musculature, making knots and symbolsxv there inside the vagina until he splooges) but it's neither necessary nor mandatory. So there you sit in your own intimacy and coo whatever you do, and in five minutes at the outer edge she's wet enough to drip and dribble. Apparentlyxvi the brainlet's built relatively simply following some categorical imperatives that are simple in turn, so that if she's filled up the neurovegetative circuit turns on the lymphatic leak lest something gets broken down there'n the apparatus.
Try it for your own curiosity, but don't bother with underage girls, they're wet under title of permanence by the very nature and structure of their age.
And otherwise I augur you a traditional "Be skinned!"xvii———
- For incomprehensible (or in any case -- to this day uncomprehended) reasons, the readership of this blog a decade ago (back when it was written in Romanian and the readership itself limited to Romanian speakers) arbitrarily decided to call me Marcel. This has no basis in any fact, as far as I know, but such are the mysteries of the public sphere. [↩]
- At the time contests of all kinds with generally generous but sometimes ironic prizes were common on Trilema, and eagerly immitated by a whole host of deeply inept "commercial" let's call them wanna-be bloggers. So common, in fact, that there was rather a subjectively felt dearth of things-for-contests-to-be-about, which is rather the spirit that informs the quote. [↩]
- This is a difficult item to translate. In original it is intended as a common noun, as a descriptor of the named item's substance, which is why it's not capitalized (Romanian capitalization conventions differ from English, most visible in titles and this here usage for substantive nouns). It is produced from the evident root Trilema with the augmentative suffix -oi (like "coada" [tail] -> "codoi" [carbon dioxide] or "moara" [mill] -> "moroi" [revenant]), which is sometimes used plainly, to produce something in the vein of Trilemus Maximus, and just as often bathetically, to produce something in the vein of... I don't know, like calling the exceedingly diminutive Obama "Obama The Great" or somesuch. In any case the idea is to reference me. [↩]
- The "digital currency" afore Bitcoin of that ancient item. [↩]
- The implication is that Trilema would be trolling, which is scandalously just. [↩]
- At the time Trilema was a paid blog. This ended recently. [↩]
- Basically the proponent is signalling that he aims to avoid responsibility for his proposition. In this he evidently follows Karl Ziggler Marx and his Engels buttbudy, the circus consultancy pair who famously proposed that eg. the 1870s commune should have spent all the gold it could steal on the spot, rather than keeping some to bait the naive into accepting their fiatola paper for slightly longer. [↩]
- I'm too lazy to link the numerous examples of "initiatives" in this vein of this supposed "blogosphere" composed of me-wannabes -- they're overnumerous as they are uninteresting. [↩]
- Yep, you read that right, it's verbatim. One who had enough fucking sense to participate back in 2012 could look at well over 70`000 ~worthless USD worth of "digital currency" today. Nobody did, as is traditional among the retards, or if you prefer "among the people themselves with delusions of self-ownership" and the offer was cancelled once I moved away from Romanian. [↩]
- One of the (many) ways to say "it dun matter" in Romanian is "ti se rupe", literally "your thing breaks", which is an abbreviated version of "ti se rupe-n paispe" ie "your 14th breaks", which is a reference to an old textbook on human anatomy where the part in question was labeled 14. [↩]
- There is such a thing as "the executive function" of the human intellect, you know ? It's a major component of mental retardation evaluations, as it happens. [↩]
- Originally, "twists her nose", meanwhile lost because guess what -- human facial expression and its linguistic reflection has also narrowed since you've got the Unicode emoticons or what are they called. [↩]
- This is a vastly referential and therefore entirely untranslatable Romanian interjection. The intension here is midly ironic. [↩]
- Sorry, I'm not missing out on the delicious femaleness implication just because English is to cunt-dry for flexion. [↩]
- "Noduri si semne" in the original, a Nichita Stanescu book. 1982, not even terrible. "Raluca merge dupa Voichita. Va sa zica mai intii Voichita, dupa Voichita, Raluca, si dupa aceea inger." [↩]
- The Romanian "pasamite" is an antiquated, story-only construction. [↩]
- The original "sa fiti beliti" sounds a lot like the actual benison, "sa fiti iubiti" ie "let you / may you be loved" but it very evidently references the retraction of foreskin (which, incidentally, is a natural process requiring no digitation in copulation among well functioning parts). [↩]