Now you understand how she feels.

"Do you ever dream ? I mean, do you remember it ?"
"Not really."
"Is it always the same one ?"
"Nah."
"I almost always dream the same thing."
"How does it go ?"
"I'm sitting in your lap, just like now. My hands are clasped behind your neck, and your left hand squeezes my neck now softly, now harder. Your knees are keeping mine far apart. Everyone can see everything. Sometimes you slap my clit with your right, and I wince. The clips are heavy, and they bite into my nipples, which are sore, irritated. Sometimes you pull down on the chain, hard, and it hurts sharply. I have to squeeze my ass muscles on your cock all the time, and it hurts. Sometimes you squeeze, and it hurts even more. My cunt is crying honey, huge tender crocodile tears of nostalgia and regret. It aches emptily, trying to clamp down on something, but there's never anything there."
"Is that it ?"
"No. Everyone I knew comes in, they're always one by one. Teachers from school, Mrs. Schoate, Miss Placzintzik... The girls in class... Mom. Everyone. They get very excited, talk loudly and gesture a lot. Ask me all sorts of stupid questions. I answer, they get ever more aggitated until they become a blur and then they go away. But another one comes. There's always another one."
"What do you mean a blur ?"
"You know, when something vibrates, eventually it becomes a blur."
"What do they ask ?"
"Oh I dunno, the same stupid shit. If I have no shame. How can I be such a wanton. Such a whore. Why don't I think of the future. When am I going to finally be serious."
"What do you tell them ?"
"Nothing, usually. It doesn't matter what you answer. That they should try it before speaking, that they have no shame either which is why they keep making such a fuss about having it, that you can't think about the future or that they never themselves did or anything whatsoever."
"You know that's actually an indicia of health, in its own way ?"
"What is ?"
"That their discourse doesn't change to incorporate what you're saying."
"Good for them."
"Have you noticed it's only women ?"
"Huh ?"
"You said Mrs. and Miss and the girls, and your mother... it's only women."
"I hadn't noticed that. You're right." She pauses, then bits her lip. "Are you going to ascend any of us ?"
"Maybe."
"Are you going to ascend me ?"
"I don't think so."
"Good."
"You don't want to go up ?"
"I don't, no. Could you change me into an animal instead ?"
"What kind of animal ?"
"Oh I don't know... maybe a bitch. A little chihuahua bitch, for instance. I could be five, six months old, barely sexually mature if at all..."
"How do you know when exotic dog breeds mature ?"
"I looked it up. You'd take me by the leash and tie me to a metal pole in this huge courtyard, it would be concrete, but not fresh. Broken up gray old concrete, with moss hanging on and grass growing through. Worn at the edges and crumbling down everywhere. This square courtyard, really large, and all around it would be nothing but dog cages, five, six levels, and nothing but big mean angry dogs, mastiffs and shepherds and dobermans. Hundreds and hundreds of them, they'd be really angry and aggressive and they'd take me on. They'd mount me and rip me up with their disproportionate things, I'd be torn apart."
"Would they fight ?"
"You mean with each other ? No. They'd just take turns, on me, untill I passed out, and after that."
"Forever ?"
"No. I'd wake up, many months later, on a hospital bed. My cunt would be sown together and healed shut, nothing there but smooth meat. My clit gone, too."
"No vulva either ? Just smooth skin ?"
"No, just like now, except no hole. No sensitivity at all. Like a wound, cheloid. You'd never tell me what actually happened, either. In fact, it would never be mentioned again."
"Anything like this ever happen to you ?"
"No, not at all. In fact, you were the first there."
"You weren't a virgin, you know."
"Not technically. Ken saw to that. But otherwise..."
"What Ken ?"
"They had these dolls..."
"You stuck them inside ?"
"Don't all girls ?"
"Maybe half or so. Cream tubes too ?"
"Magic markers, cosmetics, all sorts of things. Veggies."
"Why ?"
"It itched."
"Seriously ?"
"Yes seriously."
"Does it still itch ?"
"Yeah, sometimes. But now I don't want to put things in it. Not smooth things, at any rate."
"You know, Kim asked me if I want her to grow a penis."
"I thought she was Resplenduminous now."
"It varies. At some point she was Tea Leoni."
"Who ?"
"This obscure starlet, some blondy."
"So what did you tell her ?"
"Not to grow one."
"That's not what she told me, you know."
"Oh ?"
"Yeah, she comes to me in my bed sometimes at night. She hugs me and we make out. She's very sweet."
"So what did I tell her ?"
"That sucking her cock actually sounds appealing, but she shouldn't grow one."
"Ha. That's true."
"We tried it once, you know. Long ago. She had one of those attachable penis things..."
"A strap-on."
"Right, a strap-on. She had me put it on and then I tried to mount her. It was pretty fucking ridiculous, we couldn't get anywhere with it. She kept cracking up. Me too."
"I imagine they're mostly for guys. Guys don't actually care."
"You're probably right. Anyway, you clearly understand how I feel."
"How you feel about what ?"
"About using my cunt."
"Oh. For one thing, that was quite transparent from the beginning. And for the other, you really don't have to explain yourself. Not unless I ask you. You're allowed to just... be."
"Thank you, Master."
"Are you ready for the wand ?"
"I'm not."
"Too bad, cuz I'm going to use it anyway."
"Good."