Motto: Prebivanie moio v Bessarabii do sele ne ostavilo nicakih sledov ni poeticeskih, ni prozaiceskih. Zdesi u nas moldovanno i tosno, ah Boje moi...
|Eu Si-n rest, cum fu prin Ro ?
|Eu And otherwise, how was it in Ro[mania] ?i
|Ea Vacanta pe bune. Parca s-a mai calmat un pic lumea si pe acolo adica nu mai sunt asa incrancenati/furiosi pe strada, zau. Chiar mi-am incarcat bateriile o tura buna.
|Ea Vacation proper. Looks like folks calmed down a bit there too, not nearly so many angry people on the street. I recharged my batteries proper.
|Eu Pai ce, televizor este, majoarca nu mai e voie si fix nemaifiind voie s-o descoperit ca nu era nici nevoie, de ce sa nu fie ? La RAAN i-or pus cruce, ase dormitor fain va fi Romania-n douaji de ani cum nici Estonia nu-si poate inchipui.
|Eu Well what['s to be expected], television they gotii, tobacco's no longer allowed and just then it was also discovered to not really be needed, why wouldn't they be ? They buried RAAN, such a dormitory as Romania in a coupla decades not even Estonia can dream of.
|Ea Ce-i RAAN?
|Ea What's RAAN ?
|Eu Regia Autonoma de Activitati Nucleare. Stii, chestia aia care ne-o bagat in NATO c-aveau frantujii lu' Chirac unpic nevoie.
|Eu The Autonomous Authority for Nuclear Activities. You know, that thing which got us into NATO because Chirac's frenchies had a little need.iii
|Ea Ah. Se agita in principiu pe partea de cercetare cu institutul la Magurele daca o mai fi scoala cat de cat, da' nu mi-e clar.
|Ea Ah. They're futzing around with the research institute at Magurele, if they still do any sort of schooling there. Not clear.
|Eu Scot o pula. Vor americanii sa fie Romania in 2020 ca-n 2000 exact cum voiau si Rusii.
|Eu They'll do a dick. The UStards want 2020s Romania to be anything like 2000s Romania exactly as much as the Russians did.
|Ea Eh, da' americanii nu-i clar daca si pot fix ce vor, mai ales ca rusii cam pot.
|Ea Eh, not so clear the US can what it wants, especially given the Russians kinda can.
|Eu Tu, e drept, da' singuru' element pe care-s de acord ambii ii ca Romania sa fie asa, daca nu "tara agricola" apai atunci tara-dormitor. Da' fara de-astea cu mecanica fina si activitati nucleare si ce mai plm, ca nu ie bine.
|Eu You have a point there, but the only part they're both in agreement is that Romania should be you know, if not "an agricultural country"iv then a sort of dormitory. But none of this fine mechanics and nuclear activities and whatever the fuck else, for it's not good.
|Ea Aia mda, cred; adica nu prea are sanse acum de ceva mai rasarit decat vandut de flori, pantofi, ce-or mai face. Altminteri cred ca mai degraba destinatie de vacanta, deci gen Italia nu atat Estonia ca vremea frumoasa, mancarea buna, alea.
|Ea That part is correct ; I mean there's not much chance for it to ever do anything above selling flowers, making shoes, whatever in this vein. Otherwise I suspect mostly vacation destination, so rather Italy than Estonia. Nice weather, good food, that stuff.
|Eu E, cotcariile lor obisnuite, mai fura un celular, mai da nevasta la produs, da' nimic serios. E ok, fac pe-acolo case ieftine, baga cablu, fericirea romanului. Cele mai ieftine din lume, ai remarcat apropo ?
|Eu Eh, their usual Schwindel, steal a smartphone, turn out the wife, nothing serious. It's all fine, build more cheap housing around there, stick cable TV in all of them, the Romanian's paradise. Cheapest in the world, did you notice btw ?
|Ea Casele? Hm, nu-s. Proaste poate, da' cele mai ieftine nu.
|Ea Housing ? Neah. Shitty, maybe, but not cheapest.
|Eu E nu ? Noa concret, comparat cu ce ?
|Eu How not ? Concretely, compared to what ?
|Ea Cu sudul italiei de-un exemplu ca tot am zis.
|Ea Take Southern Italy since you were talking.
|Eu Pai bine tu, da' aia au mafie ; Romania numa' se lauda.v Asa si-n Baltimore e ieftin stii, ca tot discutau astia pe #trilema.
|Eu But listen, those have Mafia, Romania just boasts. If you disregard that, Baltimore's also cheap, apud #trilema.
|Ea Apai na, tu ai zis ca cele mai ieftine din lume asa scurt, dur. Iaca, nu.
|Ea Well whadda ya want, you said cheapest in the world, like that, straight up. Looky that they aren't.
|Eu Ei in sensu' asta in Egipt is cele mai ieftine. Apartament monoambient, "caramida" expusa, dubla vocatie : si staul, si maternitate. 20 mp, mai mult nici nu-ti tre'!
|Eu Eh like that Egypt's the cheapest. Monoambient, exposed "brick"vi, double usage : both stable and maternity ward. 200 sq ft, you don't even need more!
|Ea O fi si prin Scotia si n-au mafie. Parca era nu stiu ce castel cu totul si domeniu si tot, vreo 100k lire.
|Ea There'd be something in Scotland too, and they've no Mafia. I seem to recall some castle with the whole domain and everything, 100k pounds.
|Eu E si mai cu mafie castelu', ca pe urma tre' sa-l intretii nu cum vrei tu ca nu-i al tau, ci cum zic ei. Cam asa ca si zestre de la soacra buna de gura. Asa un castel cu suveranitate teritoriala si o mie-doua de iobagi scotieni legati de-un douazeci de km patrati sau ceva, as cumpara si io. Chiar si la 100k lire. Da' de unde ?
|Eu The castle's even more mafia-y, because you buy it but then must upkeep it like they say not as you like, for you might have "bought" it but it didn't thereby become yours. Sort-of like dowry from a loud mother-in-law. Otherwise a castle with territorial sovereignity and one-two thousand Scot thralls tied to a plot of land or something I'd buy myself. Even for 100k pounds.vii But where ?
|Ea Mda, drept si aia; da' acum pe acolo unde se termina pana si insulita din coasta insulei din varful degetului de la picior nu-s doar castelele ieftine garantat. Inca mai au practic leasehold pe fostele domenii, da' nu mi-e clar ce faci cu aia dat fiind ca tot sugu-sugu.
|Ea That's a point ; but right there where the last island off the tip of the toe there's plenty of cheap castles. They still have leaseholds on the old domains, but it's not clear what it'd serve, hollow as the rest.
|Eu Nici mie. Apai da, asa prin frigurile Canadei si prin Alaska mai ai inca homesteading stii.
|Eu Quite unclear. And by that measure, in the frozen wastelands of Canada and Alaska there's still homesteading.
|Ea Ah da, in Saskachewan sau cum drac ii zice in Canada, corect :))
|Ea Right, Saskachewan or whatever it's called, in Canada :))
|Eu Acolo la doi ciini, s-o dai in dela lu' Bacovia. Auzi materia plingind pe-acolo.
|Eu There in Twodogs, so you end up crazed like Bacovia.viii Hear the matter cry.
|Ea Ah, si altfel unde drac era ca auzisem la radio nu stiu care si-a facut el republica in ceva mlastini undeva prin fosta Iugoslavie imi pare si se da el asa din gura un fel de tmsr chit ca n-are idee. Lol. Poate oi sapa sa gasesc ce era exact ca m-a amuzat da' eram pe coclauri prin Arges si n-am stat.
|Ea Ah, and otherwise where the hell was it, I had heard on the radio some dude made himself a republic no less in some swamps somewhere in ex-Yugoslavia I think, was running his mouth somewhat in the TMSR vein except without a clue. Lol. Maybe I should dig it out, I was in rural Arges at the time and didn't bother.
|Eu Is mai multi astia, si-unu sealand este pe ceva stabilopod uitat din gresala. Chiar ma hlizeam pe-aici, practic o cazut ala din camion si ceva furnici din drum repede si-or facut republica pe el :D
|Eu There's multiple of these, there's also a Sealand thing on some concreteix forgotten in the water. I was lolling about here, basically the thing fell off a truck and some ants in the road quickly declared a republic upon it!
|Ea Ahahah, cam asa ceva. Asa daca vrei cu iobagii la indemana probabil pe bune tot mai gasesti prin Romania ceva sat unde daca pui biciul pe ei mai faci si treaba, da' tragi de ei ca de-un cal mort cu siguranta.
|Ea Something like that lol. But if you want bondsmen readily available nearby, probably Romania is in fact the better bet, might find some village where if you land the whip on them you might get something done. But it'll be much alike pulling the plow with the dead horse.
|Eu E pai ce sa trag io ? Sa traga foamea.
|Eu Eh, why should I pull ? Let hunger pull.
|Ea Bre, stii treaba aia cu "da' muieti-s posmagii?"
|Ea You know the one with "I should dip them ?!" ?
|Ea Ca na, e folclor romanesc din ceva motiv bun.
|Ea It's Romanian folklore for some good reason.
|Eu E si rus, nu te nelinisti. Si exista pe teritoriul "tarii Africa" vorba lu' laureatu', in 5`000 de variante in 4`000 de limbi.
|Eu Russian also, don't worry. And on the territory of the "country of Africa", to quoth the laureate, it's found in 5`000 variants in 4`000 languages.
|Ea Iti zic ca macar lumea satului o stiu in ceva amanunt. Ah, da, clar. De altfel rusii nici nu-s chiar asa departati pe cat se crede in multe chestii.
|Ea Trust that at least the village world I know in some detail. Ah yes, for sure. Otherwise the Russians aren't really that far off as commonly thought.
|Eu Tu iti vine sa crezi, de la chimista de renume mondial la profesoru' de drept var cu Zarone. Tot numa' laureati sa-mi bag pula-n gitu' lor. Macar Putin ii prost onest, baga sala si-si pipaie brandu'. Da' obositii astia cu pretiozitatile lor... Acuma' au la toamna alegeri intre un falit ce se pretinde om de afaceri si-o mototoala ce nu-i capabila sa tin-un server si se crede inteligenta si informata si de 3 ori femeie. Parc-o vad pe Mihaela Tatu.
|Eu Can you believe it, went from "the chemist of world renown"x to the law professor of Zarone's ilkxi. Nothing but laureats, may I stick my cock down their decapitated throats. At least Putin is a honest dumbass, lifts weighs and feels his bicep all day long. But these tired asses with their affectations... This autumn they're holding elections to decide between a bankrupt who pretends himself a business man and a clewxii that's not capable to keep a server yet thinks herself intelligent and informed and three times a woman. I look at her I see Mihaela Tatu.xiii
|Ea Mda, ce nu pricep e cum de inca au senzatia ca toate-s minunate.
|Ea Myeah, what I don't get is how come they maintain the delusion everything's great.
|Eu ca-i mai ieftin, tu.
|Eu Because it's cheaper.
|Ea Mda. Poate ma vad ca ma mut in Rusia, lol.
|Ea Myeah. At this rate I'll end up moving to Russia what the fuck.
|Eu Deci io cam toata copilaria mergeam in vacanta de vara la rude de prin jurul Sighisorii, si pe urma la mare cu parintii. Iar pe la fo' 12 ani asa, era o gagica ce imi tot dadea tircoale. Io pleazna, 0 interes in sexu' grasut la virsta aia, da' fetele se maturizeaza mai repede. Si mnoa, discutindu-se "asa in general" planuri de viitor imediat, o aflat asta ca io mai stau asa fo' sapt, dupa care mergem la mare. Noa, disperarea virstei, s-o dus la ai ei ca vrea la mare ce plm! Ceea ce-i logic, de altfel. Da' nu si practic. Si-o convins-o buna-sa ca la mare e naspa dat fiind ca exista asa niste GINDACI! MARI! Ca e nisip. Si-n nisip n-o vazut ea la girla cum e cu gindaci ? Asa ca mai bine sta aici, unde lipitorile macar is mici, decit sa mearga la mare, pe unde trec de-aia balene si octopusi.
|Eu So my whole childhood I visited relatives around Sighisoara during the Summer vacation, then went to the seaside with my parents. I must have been about 12 or so when this girly kept hovering about. I couldn't care less, 0 interest in the plumper sex at that age, but girls mature faster. Anyway, discussing "you know, in general" immediate plans, she found out that I'm going to be around for a few more days, after which going to seaside. The desperation of the age drove her to complain to fambly, that she wants to go to seaside too! Which is reasonable, actually. But not very practical. So her grandmother convinced her that the seaside sucks, because there's some HUGE! BUGS! there. For there's sand. And in sand she's seen on the riverside how it's with bugs ? So better stay here, where the leeches are at least small, rather than go to the seaside, where there's whales and octopi.
|Ea :))))) Da' ce abordare tampita...
|Ea Funny story, but what a demented approach...
|Eu Noa, si asa s-o convins pisi ca e mai bine-n girla din sat. De ce s-o convins ? Ca ie o problema universala. Ce era sa faca, sa fuga la mare sa curveasca pe-acolo ? Are ea benzina-n motor de-asa ceva ? La 12 ani ? Sau la 20 daca-i pin-acolo. Foarte usor sa creada omu' ca toate-s minunate. Mai ieftin de-atit nu-i nimica.
|Eu And so kitty convinced herself that village riverside is best. Why did she ? It's a universal problem, this. What was she to do, run off to the seaside to whore out there ? Does she have gas in the tank for something like that ? As a twelve years old ? Or twenty year old for that matter. Very easy to believe everything's just great. There's nothing cheaper than this belief.
|Ea Hm; eu am ceva poveste invers : aveam vreo 17 ani si ma baraia unul la cap...
|Ea Hm, I have a story backwards : I was about 17 and this guy kept buzzing by
|Eu Lol aia e chiar invers :)
|Eu Lol that's truly backardds :)
|Ea Nu prea aveam eu treaba cu el pt ca de la un punct stiam ce urmeaza sa zica. Da' asa aproape cuvant cu cuvant. Foarte plicticos.
|Ea I wasn't much interested because after a while I knew what he was going to say. But word for word. Very boring.xiv
|Eu Scoate o tita da pizda ? lol.
|Eu "Check out your tits gimme pussy!" ?
|Ea A, nu.
|Ea Ah, nothing like that.
|Eu Noa' da' cum ?
|Eu Then like what ?
|Ea Pur si simplu in orice conversatie, care-i urmatoarea propozitie de o sa o zica.
|Ea Pure and simple, in any conversation, I knew his next line.
|Eu Aaa. Trist.
|Eu Ah. Sad.
|Ea In tot cazul foarte plicticos, deci na. Numai ca ii vine lui asa o idee sa ma ia ca dom'le ca hai la mare ca hai hai hai.
|Ea In any case very boring, so... However he gets the idea to try and get me to go with him to the seaside, come come come.
|Eu O fi discutat si el cu prietenii
|Eu Maybe he had a chat with some quicker friends.
|Ea Si eu zic nu si el foarte destept ca aaa, nu te lasa ai tai. Drept care m-am dus sa verific ca na, poate omul o fi avand dreptate, mai stii. Eu n-aveam nici o treaba, da' na, mi s-a parut important totusi, adica asa o fi ca nu ma lasa?
|Ea And I say no and he very smartly "aah, your parents won't let you". Thus I went to check this, because who knows, maybe the fellow has a point. I had no interest in the matter, but it seemed somewhat important, they wouldn't let me ?
|Eu "Bai ai mei, ma duc la mare cu prostanu' asta, obiectii ceva ?" mor aia de ris, "Du-te fato, daca-ti place ce-am io de-acolo".
|Eu "Hey my parents, I'm going to the seaside with this idiot, objections or anyhing ?" They're all falling down laughing, "Go, girly, if you like it what's it to me".
|Ea Pai fix cam asa, lol, in esenta gen daca tu vrei, apai du-te.
|Ea Just about lol, basically if you want to, go.
|Eu Pai nu e si logic ? La 17 ani deja poti, si daca nu poti sa-ti fie rusine c-ar trebui sa poti.
|Eu Isn't it perfectly reasonable ? By the time you're 17 you can, and if you can't you should be ashamed of yourself, for you should could.xv
|Ea Da' chestii ca gandaci mai mari ori alte alea, neam.
|Ea But blather about big bugs and such bugaboos, never.
|Eu Apai noa. Nu toti parintii urmaresc sa aiba copii. Multi urmaresc sa aiba mascotas de-alea, animal de companie.
|Eu Well... not all parents aim to have children. Many aim to have pets.
|Ea Mda, unii nici atata, mai mult sa aiba si ei pe unul mai slab ca ei mai degraba.
|Ea Heh, some not even that much, more along the lines of having someone weaker available.
|Eu Ca-n povestile misto, se oprima descrescator pe scara. Vine inspectie de la partid, nu le place de sefu' de sectie, ala face mustru, nu-i place de rumin, ala vine acasa, nu-i buna mincarea, doamna vaca se-nerveaza, nu-i bine facuta tema, copchilu' arde furnici cu lupa.
|Eu Just like in the funny stories, they oppress each other descrescendo in a sorted list. Party inspector doesn't like the team boss, that guy holds a meeting doesn't like the slave, the slave goes home the food's no good, Madamme Cow gets angry, the homework's not properly done, the kid burns ants with a magnifying glass.
|Ea Cam asa ceva.
|Ea Something like that.
|Eu un sistem politic si de stat!
|Eu A politico-statal system!
You know ?———
- She'd just spent a week visiting the old country. [↩]
- You know what's the common passion of every dumbass/teenaged cunt in this here country ? No ?
- France's support for Romania's joining is entirely a product of desperate need for Romanian heavy water. Entirely. It was offensively covered up by a pretended "historical friendship" between the two people, notwithstanding that historically the relationship was very much unilateral : Romanians loved France for incomprehensible reasons, and France didn't notice.
Meanwhile the entity was destroyed. You know, by "corruption". Except that magic word has a very peculiar meaning in a colony : corruption is what those people opposing the colonizer do or say. When they're following the colonizer's plans it's not corruption, it's just you know... nothing. Much like "racism" and the rest of the socialist terminology : political tools, not descriptive terms. [↩]
- As per original, 1950s Soviet plans. [↩]
- You should see the local newspapers, errything's "a mafia" there. Apparently they took Falcone quite literally : they're admitting it resembles them even when it doesn't, at all. [↩]
- Made on the spot, camel dung and hay, just add water and stir. No oven required.
You think you can't get the trailer park out of the white trash girl ? Try getting camel dung scent out of the Arab girl's hair! [↩]
- Don't laugh, it's a respectable sum in the context, how much do you think such a castle sold for ? [↩]
- Referenced here is Romania's foremost poet of despair, one George Andone Vasiliu. The poem in question's titled Lacustra, and the verse of interest goes
De-atitea nopti aud plouind, aud materia plingind... Sunt singur, si ma duce-un gind spre locuintele lacustre.
It's not translatable to English by
virtuevice of the niggardly language lacking a common body of vulgar philosophical terms. The "materia" Bacovia hears crying is the same matter of interest to both Kant and Newton, in Romanian. Put in English it devolves spontaneously to a housewife's "what's the matter". Such is the joy of teaching cows the alphabet : soon enough your words will be degraded by common bovine usage and next thing you know - can't translate foreign poetry. Not that you'd notice, because... what'd you notice with ? [↩]
- "Stabilopod" means something very specific to Romanians, by virtue of their usage to protect the beaches of the Black Sea, where a good chunk of girls became women throughout the postwar period. It's, if you will, Romania's symbol for Romania's California. Otherwise it's a concrete structure designed by one Mircea Ulubeanu to resist littoral water pressure - which job it does admirably well. Think a caltrop for the sea, you'd be pretty much there. [↩]
- Elena, wife of Nicolae Ceausescu, a rural prostitute with an approximate hold of (mostly oral) Romanian, officially pretended to be a chemist, and on occasion the secret service'd arrange some honor or other for her.
Consider the similarities with Peron, who also married a rural prostitute. Yet Evita's cult persists. [↩]
- Zarone was a notedly stupid friend of Petru Groza's. Hence the little rhyme,
Caligula imperator si-a facut calul senator ; Petru Groza, mai sinistru, si-a facut boul ministru.
Id est, "Caligula imperator made his horse a senator ; Petru Groza, more sinister, made his ox a minister." [↩]
- You know, like a shrew on prozac. [↩]
- The host of the TV show in question ("De trei ori femeie"), a sort of Oprah & Cathy Lee but with Martha Stewart. [↩]
- You perhaps have no idea what a killer this is. Let her tell you, she knows. [↩]
- Not my fault this language's shit. [↩]