We continue our foray in, cunt and all around the mound of corny old porny flicks...

Run, Bitch, Runⁱ is a recent attempt at making a 70s porno/horror/shock piece. The premise is adequately flimsy : two catholic schoolgirls trying to sell Bibles run into a band of psychopats, get raped, then get raped a little more, then avenge their rape through murder and that's it. The execution is inadequately halfhearted. There are occasional sparkles here and there, but not enough thought has gone into this project to make it an improved remake of Pink Flamingosⁱⁱ (which is something that it seems it'd be trying for, in pieces). There's not nearly enough humor to make it a parody, even if you don't happen to notice that most of it is of the unintentional kind anyway. There's not nearly enough tit and ass to make it good porn. There's not nearly enough suspense and screaming to make it any sort of horror, and in general there's not enough of any particular thing to make this attempt worth a mention. If you'd like a soup made out of minute quantities of ever item found in the fridge, by all means, Run, Bitch, Run is the thing for you. Even so, it still won't make any sense - it's closer to a disparate selection of footage as organised by a chimp left alone in the editing room than anything else.

Baby Loveⁱⁱⁱ is not exactly porn even if it sports a 15 year old Linda Hayden - the sum total nudity displayed is one standing woman from behind. It probably qualifies for sexploitation status nevertheless, seeing how the entire thing's predicated on trying to suggest that an orphan schoolgirl seduces an entire middle class family, husband, wife and teenaged son. While significantly better acted and written than your average flick, it's still pretty boring. Perhaps the only point of interest is seeing exactly how the life, house and interiors of the 1960s middle class looked. Mayhap it gives you some ideas.

Bamboo House of Dolls^iv is a nazi-prison-camp-for-women thing, except done in Japanese-Chinese colors (and spoken in Mandarin). It starts promisingly but rapidly tapers off, if you're into one third softcore (tits only softcore, the idiotic stuff where panties are glued onto the women like an essential part of keeping their life within their body) with a smattering of the sort of "whipping" that happens offcamera plus two thirds dubious kung-fu/action, then this is just the film for you (like ten thousand other equally shitty productions).

I was going for another set of five, but seriously, just how much flan can a person eat ?!

1. 2009, by Joseph Guzman [↩]
2. You recall, " The nearest American film to Bunuel’s Andalusian Dog" [↩]
3. 1968, by Alastair Reid [↩]
4. 1973, by Chih-Hung Kuei (prod Run Run Shaw), with Birte Tove, Lieh Lo, Hsieh Wang, Terry Liu, Roska Rozen [↩]