As much as the idea pains...

The central blog of the Politburo of the United Soviets' communist party (not that they admit to it, but then again cultural marxism never was about admitting to it) publishes some of the funniest shit on all of teh interwebs. Oh, and that on the left is their default avatar, in case you were wondering. Pretty fetching, huh.

Consider the following quote from Niccolo Caldararo (Ph.D., Center for Psychological Studies, currently suckling shriveled dry academic cock at the dept. of Anthropologyⁱ, College of Liberal & Creative Arts, San Francisco State Universityⁱⁱ) :

China is rising because her economic and social system was renovated and reinvigorated by Mao's revolution. As much as this idea pains some Western philosophers, the fact remains.

Ain't communism grand ? Seriously now! What could be better for intellectual failures aiming at intellectual supremacy than this magical ability formerly described as doublethink ? Consider some alternative uses of it, such as for instance :

Consumer choice was introduced in the modern economy by Henry Ford. As much as this idea pains some people, like all the faggots that wanted cars of any other color than black, the "fact" remains.

Hey, this is fun! Let's do more factremains!

Freedom for all people (indifferent of color, race or the complete inability of creating anything of any value whatsoever manifested along the millenia) was brought about by the Farren Riotsⁱⁱⁱ with the negligible help of uncle Tom. As much as the idea pains some niggers here and there, the fact remains.

The equality of women with their better halves was brought about by beligerent drunk Irish anon guys. As much as the idea pains out of control lezzy bitches, the sunglasses fact remains.

You've perhaps noticed by now that splendiferous construction "as much as the idea pains the fact remains." It's called sliding, if you must call it something, and it works well on dogs, teenagers and other farm animals that have recently acquired the use of speech. Nothing makes "an idea" more of "a fact" than the insinuation that it pains some group or other, and the choice of the supposedly pained group is chief to the success (among dogs, teenagers and other farm animals) of this pseudoliterary device. Remember the idea of a single mom about how the white teeth fact remains that angered doctors so very very much ? Totally 2009, right ? Well... the fact remains.

The fact remains that ideas aren't for everyone. Much like working out requires the butt off the couch and all that trouble and inconvenience of actually working out. You don't become an intellectual by reading dailykos and you don't become an academic by participating in the San Francisco State Fair any more than you become an athlete by shoveling twinkies and thumbwrestling.

As much as the idea pains various herds of illiterate goats, and teenagers.

1. I am beginning to suspect I'm perhaps the last actual anthropologist alive, and through no serious merit of my own at that. [↩]
2. One of the shittiest around, or "consistently among the top 50 in the West" if you prefer that alternative form. [↩]
3. As an interesting assignment for our younger friends aspiring to a life of the intellect : you try and google or otherwise find the names of the men leading the anti-abolitionist party.

   You can't, can you. It's all anti-slavery and pro-abolitionism, innit ? How come ? Yet isn't it the case that the anti-abolitionists were the upper hand in this dispute all through the 19th century, when the issue was actually disputed, and isn't it the case that the opinions of the pro-abolitionist, anti-slavery folk in the 20th century, which is to say when the issue was no longer disputed, don't really matter one spit ?

   So how are you supposed to do history research, or anthropology research, or anything research for that matter using google as your librarian ? You ain't, are you. Google is a machinery designed to bring you results in tune with what you are likely to agree with, and as such is practically speaking a biggotry-producing machine, uniquely inadequate for any sort of research use. [↩]