Culture shock, AMA

In an increasingly desperate bid to find some ex post facto rationale for my 5 day old reddit account, I obviously stumbled on this thing called AMA, short for "ask me anything". Here it is :

Whoa Nelly, what a fuckload of people I never heard about, and I couldn't conceivably give two shits about.

I had to Google David Choe and I still don't know who he is. Who the fuck is he ?! (We'll generously gloss over bestselling authors, paralympians and other such orataniiⁱ, there's absolutely nothing I wish to ask of any "bestselling author" in 2012. What's it take to make the NYT list these days, 50 sold copies ?)

Chris Roberts ? Never heard of him. Wind Commander ? Never played it, but from the name alone I can tell you it sucks. It's probably some gfx-heavy mind numbing shooter, like they make these days. Jerry Tetalman (endorsed by Sandra Fluke) ?! You have got to be kidding me, Jerry Leetalman (endorsed by Sandra Fluke). I wonder if he dates like that. Actually... he probably does. He goes up to some tall chick in a cocktail dress, lifts himself on his little jewish toes, dons the fakest most awkward smile you could imagine and goes "Hi, I'm Jerry Leetalman. I'm endorsed by Sandra Fluke! Would you like to hold my wee wee ?"

And then some pornstar, except he's a guy. I have serious trouble remembering the names of female porn stars, and I was in the business. Who exactly remembers the cocks by name ? If you've watched any porn you know most of the time the guy is cut right through, most people don't want to see some dude's face in their fapfodder. What'd I ask a "pornasteroid" ?! 'Cause star is perhaps a little exaggerated anyway (upon research, he's some paki working for Brazzers, either of which automatically mean he sucks).

The only funny thing in this is the 10k comments the anonymous prison guard gets. A degree of magnitude more than the sum of the failed pornstar, the failed bestlimpian paraseller, the failed game creator and who else was there in the fail list ? I forget. Anyway. O o yes, the failed artist. All of them together, Captain Planet of Universal Pop Culture Interests, weigh like a tenth of a prison guard.

This is really the truth of the matter, US citizens live currently in one large prison, muchly reminescent of the wonders of Soviet Russia to those of us with actual educations and actual functioning memories. Being a prison guard is the coolest thing you can be, as far as the kids in Block B are concerned.

Good luck with that.

1. This Romanian word basically means poultry, but it is used to describe strange and unexpectedly dysfunctional yet apparently alive creatures. [↩]